Confession
[This thread was submitted to be a featured thread by the general support community. If you have a thread you'd like to be featured, please submit it here!]
I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
I have been going through a really rough time over the last 7-8 months. And only a few people really know the entire situation. But it's killing me and I needed to get it off my chest. I have been in a secret relationship with my ex boyfriend's 20 year old cousin for the last 7 months...(I'm 14). Now before anyone starts to judge, hear me out on this. Before I started dating him, I was in an abusive relationship with my ex's best friend. And the 20 year old (who I will refer to as "18" for privacy purposes) was the only one who made me feel like the things I was going through would get better. And then....I fell in love with him. I'd known him for 4 years, after going to church with him and all...but it never occurred to me that I would end up wanting to marry him. 18 has been there for me every day since February 16th this year...and yes, today is our 7 month anniversary. But the situation is...my mother has stopped at nothing to cease all contact between us. Around April, she found out I had been talking to him, and she forbid us to ever speak to or see each other again until I was 18 and out of her house. But even then, we still kept talking secretly. I've struggled to keep our relationship strong, but it's so hard when you can't just hug or kiss the man you love. I've been threatened with jail and psych numerous times and so has he. My mother has abused me in the past and this is absolutely ridiculous because she acts like my feelings don't even matter anymore. I want to prove to her that he and I are really in love but she won't listen to me. I've cried myself to sleep nearly every night since April because I can't see him whenever I'd like to. But on my 17th birthday, which is 2 years and 36 days away, we're leaving from here.
I'm so tired of people telling me I'm sick because I am depressed. Ok, I'm sick, but you telling this don't help in anything!
I have depression too and I can understand that. I feel like people say that because they don't understand what we are going through. I hate when people say that's its gonna be ok your going to be fine. Some people don't understand how hard it is.
So if I obsess over the idea of death and would willing give my life for any one else, am I depressed. I've tried to commit suicide multiple times previously but nothing to violent because of the trauma it would cause my friends and family and I'm kinda chicken I guess. I wasn't super sad just ready to move onto the next phase of existence. I'm pretty open with telling people now but I started this fascination with death like 2 years ago. Everyone I tell either says I need to see a therapist or get over it cuz other people have worse problems. This just makes me feel worse and more ready to move on. Thoughts?
I've been there to and heard that. Many times as well. The oh what do you have to be depressed about there are other people who have had it worse then you. It's like I get it my life isn't as bad as others but as I so recently found out depression runs in my family. Along with many other factors I am in the same boat where I can. Easily look at something and see all the ways I could kill myself with it. It's a hard thing to get past. You need to find someone you are closish to that when you have these thoughts you can tell them straight away with out being judged
I used to see depression as an illness. But now I see that depression wasn't a curse. It was a gift. If you can't change your situation, change your attitude about it. I got depression for a reason - because life knew I could handle it, excel with it, and meet incredible people like you and help others do exceptional things. It's all about perception - depression is only a burden if you say it is.
I used to think talking about my depression was a sign of weekness. I still struggle opening up but am getting their. x
I'm dying. But I haven't told my loved ones yet.
Talk to someone honey, some things are too heavy to carry around without support xx
Nah I'll be alright.
I'm so sorry to hear that lovely. Please tell someone, it can really break someone, I should know.
I let myself fall for someone who I knew would leave me alone and I hate myself for it
I don't think "let" is the right word..and if anything it puts yourself down. It was right for the moment.
I fall for boys who will never love me....
My biggest confession is that I'm scared to be raped after recent sexual abuse encounters. I know basically everyone is scared to be raped but I have had trouble going out because I'm scared I'm going to be raped. I'm also always worried of being judged. If I'm walking down to the shops and there's someone walking down the other way on the pavement, I'm terrified of them thinking bad of me and I'm always scared of being looked at...
Hello im too embarrassed to pm a listener, so ill just use this. Ive had this problem for years, and I'm sure many of you haven't dealt with someone that has this problem. I'm addicted to masturbation and, i know people say find something to distract you but it doesnt help most of the time. I need help.
I was too for awhile. I found out that I was addicted to the endorphin rush and the way it got me to stop thinking. It took my mind off whatever was bugging me. So once I dealt with the issues in a more constructive way..I was able to wean myself off over the course of a year.
Could it be you're using masturbation for that reason too ? If not..you may need to try something else.
Yeah, thats mostly the reason now that I think about it. Thank you for sharing that with me, it means a lot cause I know a lot of people havent dealt with this, or helped someone with this addiction. Ill definitely try to fix my problems and see if it helps. Thank you, again! :)
You're welcome-and most gracious! I'm glad I got the courage to write to you.
I have thought about suicide and planned it's before. So far kept away from doing it. Even wrote notes. I am scared for my mom to help me clean my room. She might find razors, old notes. She's the reason why I never tried.
Sadly, I know exactly what you mean. Except sometimes mommy's why. It's silly but I stay for my famdoms. Still here aren't I?
Babe, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I know, eeeeeveryone says that. I mean it though. Been there, done that. I'm actually in the same boat as you. Good job, you made it through another day. <3
I'm scared of everything and it freaking sucks. I've highly suicidal thoughts atm, i'm not eating (my stomach's been cramping for the last 3 days) 
I'm stuck in runt and I don't know what to do with myself
Eat. Don't hurt yourself. Curl up or find someone to hug. Revisit some well loved music on loop. If loop is your thing of course :)
Cry. I CA,Y know why, but admitting to yourself that you aren't on is the first step. And the best way to do that is to get in a corner in the dark with your tissue box and let it stream out. Id know. But eat, if not for yourself, tan for those who aren't as lucky to get nutrient. And when it's really low, know it could always be worse. Because you'll look back on this in 5 years and laugh. Don't worry, you'll make it through....:)
