Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
i feel discouraged. i lack confidence everytime when i look at someone happy. i doubt my future and my capabilities. i am afraid of being teased or mocked. i think i an inferior to others because of my above mentioned thoughts. it takes everything in me to put on a fake smile or feel sad because i feel empty most of the time. i don't know but i need someone to encourage and accept me for who i am . my mind forces me to think that everybody is judging me and stops me from voicing my views. i feel like hee sometimes. i have tried many times to come out of the cage i have made , but i've not yet come out of it.
@Wheel,
Thank you for being so very open and honest. You articulate yourself very well. I hope you arrive at a place of peace soon. Don't give up.
I know how you feel there
That is exactly how I feel....we should definitely chat sometime..... please do let me know how do you get through....I m still struggling through it.!!!
how do you feel when you are confused? the last few years have changed me. some positives, others mostly negative. i can't stop pleasing people. i find it bad when no one understands me. Growing up in different cultures, i feel that i never fit anywhere and i lack identity. I've lost any character or trait i can refer to as myself . Ijudge people and i want to stop it. when i see someone according to my ideals, i am their avid fan but they don't give me any look. I WANT TO STOP IT. I want to be present at the moment. I think i am not special because i never have found any reason to be.
I don't know which ideals to follow, as i grew up migrating from one place to another. i laugh when others cry, cry when others laugh. I want to get along with the others, but am not able to. My ego always persists me to be the best, hence i spend most of the time thinking how to react instead of going with the flow to stand out from the crowd. I want to be confident. I want to love myself.
I want to stop my mind from threatning me about others's views on me. i know that humans hve evolved and formed cultures, traditions. My mind forces me to choose the best one out and follow it. i believe we humans are one, but i can't convince my mind that people are different and have their one preferance. i WANT TO BE LOVED AND UNDERSTOOD.
@wheel, Your heart is huge! I'm so sorry you're struggling with your identity and sense of self. I can completely relate. There comes a time for everyone when we realize our belief system is different from our parents. It sounds like you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others, there is just no need for that. Be the most beautiful you you can be, and don't consider the opinions of others. When I'm confused I spend time looking inward, and examining how I'm feeling and why. I typically write, or do art during this time. I struggled with my sexuality for many years. It can be very difficult at times. I hope you grow into yourself soon, and comfort there. Don't over think it. Best wishes.
When I'm not busy being a slave at home and cleaning up after the slobs I live with I often stare at the clock and wonder why it's taking so long for the grim reaper to take my monster in law away from my life (( I know it's mean but she's pure evil))... Anybody who thinks it's funny to tease people with disabilities should not be here in the world
Thank you for sharing. ♡
@Sun,
You may resent your family for your life, but I've just been reading the replies you give people and I have to say that you of all people should never be sorry to be alive!! I don't know you, but I can tell you already that you're kind, generous, and certainly not a person of whom the world should be deprived. I hope you understand how great you are. Be strong. Best wishes <3
When I'm really angry at a person I start imagining bad stuff..
I?m so sick of being alone, feeling lonely, and isolating myself. I don't have anyfriends.It?s not that I don?t want to have friends, because God knows I do. It?s not that I don?t want to socialize, becauseI won?t try If I don?t. I?m trying my best. I?m trying to get along. I?m trying to fit in.I?m not normal, I?m different. I don't want to go to school and it?s not that I?m lazy to go, but because I fear that one single mistake I?ll embarrass myself , and I?m scared to be myself because they might not accept who I am. Honestly, I starting to doubt that my familydon?t like me either, that I?m only stuck with thembecause I?m family. Everyday my life starts with ?what if??? but it always end with ?maybe if I??.
Katie .Would you like to talk with me , I'd like to know you , and help you if I can and if you'll let me
Hi Katie, I know how you feel because I have felt the same way, I have been in your shoes. I never fit in high school and my family still doesn't understand me but I have come to realize that is fine because there is nothing wrong with being different. High school sucks but that is the point you have to just hang in there and get through it. I hope that this helps you to some degree.
@Purple,
Actually, you're not the first person to tell me that. It is very kind, thank you. I do find a great deal of peace knowing I can use my pain to help others, but some days still completely overwhelm me. Thank you for your love and support. Very, very sweet.
@Katie,
I am sorry you're struggling. Sometimes the journey to self-hood is difficult and dangerous. While I know you can't simply grow self-esteem, it is important you learn to love yourself and take very little stock in the opinions of others. You are beautiful and deserving of love and kindness. I am far from normal myself, but I am okay with that. Do not feel discouraged. Dare to be different. 
I have no feelings for anyone in my family, not even my 3 year old nephew
Hi everyone... I've been in an abusive relationship with 3 years. He was initially my PhD advisor, he's also married and his wife is in the same profession... This has changed my whole life, I have lost my will to live, any joy and self-love. I'm terrified of him/her and how they can affect my career too.
I had a similar relationship but with a doctor. Luckily he had more at stake to lose. I found a support group of friends. I got out and I told him to never talk to me again. Dont be afraid. He has more to lose than you so he is instilling fear on you @sensibleFig796. Stay strong.
Sometimes I think I only stay with my boyfriend because I'm afraid if we break up that he will commit suicide. I'm scared of that.
@fly0princess
I was in your shoes for quite awhile. I tried to and did gethelp for my ex. I was his everything, but he was hurting me emotionally. Henever hurt me purposely, but he'd let his own pain get the best of him.We had both become deeply unhappy, but he didn't want to let go. I broke it off. I still love him and worry about him.
If you don't mind me asking, how did things turn out afterwords? I'm in the same situation right now and I don't know anymore if I'm staying because I'm truly happy and think things can get better despite all the stress, or if I'm staying because I feel like I have to. But if I did decide to leave, I think I'd be too scared to actually go through with it in fear of what may happen since I'm basically the only caring and supportive person he has in his life right now and since he's talked about suicide before
Well it hasn't been too long since it happened. The week after was pretty scary. His last message to me right after it happened made me terrified for his life. He shut me out though, he didn't want to me to communicate with him. But I do have ways of checking up on him, and after a month or so sincethe break up, he's still out there living his life. And,for the most part, I've been happy.
Princess,
I am so sorry you're in this place. I too was in a similar situation in my teens. I was with my boyfriend at the time for five years on and off. We lived together from ages 17-19. Toward the end of our lease we knew that our relationship would end. Unfortunately there was drug use involved and this escalated the abuse toward the end. I felt as though I could work through anything with him except infidelity. When he broke my trust by sleeping with another woman, I told him I had to close the book because I couldn't live with the hurt. After I ended it and moved out of state his drug use escalated and he attempted suicide. His mother called me and asked me to help organize an intervention. We put him in treatment that year and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. The real tragedy was simply that we were very much in love with one another, but we were well aware that we were completely unhealthy together, and were too young to know how to navigate something like that. We cried on the floor together with the mutual understanding that it would end. We both have severe mental health concerns and soon began causing more harm than good in the lives of one another.
I do not know the intimate details of your relationship, but what I am trying to say is that it takes a markedly wild sort of strength to recognize the maturity of the decision to end a part of your life you deeply care about, but you know is only harmful and hindering toward your own wellness. If you're in love and have resources available, I hope with my whole heart that the two of you could love and support one another through this. But please do not feel trapped by guilt. Not only is it unfair to you, but it is equally unfair to your partner. Do not feel shame about protecting yourself as well as your investment in this human being.
Six years later, my ex and I have been able to sit down as adults and recognize our own mistakes and make amends. We remain good friends despite the pain of a relationship having run its course. I wish you strength and wisdom in whatever comes next. Please remember you can always find support here.