Confession

not a very deep confession but i guess it deserves to come up.

i once had a major crush on one of my teachers and then he left to another country and ever since weve been great friends. hes coming back here next week for a short vacation, and hes called me over to his place for a night. netflix and chill maybe?

I told my mum about my depression but haven't told her I (used to, and recovering) cut.

I kind of feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do about it. I want to just get up and drive and keep driving, but I can't because I have to worry about school and I'd have to have money to pay for gas and food. But I can't get the money because you have to have a job. And I'm having a lot of trouble with the fact that I have the same routine every single day every week every month just to have a new routine the next year and eventually I'm going to have to graduate from college just to get a job that I'll have to work at until I retire. And it makes me want to throw up thinking that I have to do the same thing day after day for the rest of my life because what's the point? And I can't even describe my feelings because I don't exactly know what I'm feeling, my head feels foggy all the time and I can't sort out my thoughts to tell anyone so I can't get any help. I've seen a counselor and a psychiatrist for my anxiety, but even when I talk to them I can never tell them exactly what's going on or how I'm feeling or anything, the wrong words always seem to come out. And today my psychiatrist said we'd up my medicine dose to get me feeling back like me, but to be honest I don't even remember who me is. I don't remember what I'm like without this and that scares me. And I'm just so tired of running from my life, but trying to live it at the same time.

i dont want to move on or forgive my rapist. the anger and protective nature are a part of me i cling to....

I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. I have been trying to deal with thsee issues for about 15 years. I now have a wife, 2 year old son and another baby due in 2 months. I have been going through a really bad episode of the depression and I cheated on my wife. This obviously adds to the feelings of self loathing and anxiety. I can't tell my wife as I will lose everything, but I feel worse for lying. I struggle to get through each day at the moment.

Once a world traveler, now a stay-at-home husband and, though still in love, feel little to no personal satisfaction with my life.

I miss the girl who broke my heart..honestly if I were to have an actual chance with her..I'd take it. I know I can't do any better.

When I harm myself.. I'm too much of a coward to do anything major. And that makes be feel inadequate.

Tw: cutting

I'm not okay, no matter how many times I say it, I'm not. I'm just not. I've only been cutting for less than a month and it's not helping. Nothing is helping. I just don't know what to do.

I had a feeling a while ago when I was snuggling with my boyfriend. I just couldn't define what it was. I tried to describe it to him, but the closest I could get was just a memory as a child. It was just this picture of the hall in my house, but in the point of view of a little kid, you know. Like I had to bend my head up to see the whole wall. It was warm of sunshine and that memory had the same feeling as the one I had now. About a week later, I was with him snuggling again, and the same feeling came upon me. And then it dawned on me. I felt happy, content. It had been such a long time since I've felt like that, I couldn't even understand what I was feeling.... It made me cry. No wonder I always feel so tired and sick of everything, I haven't been happy since I was 5.