Confession

I'm trying to be honest about my feelings, needs and wants. It's hurting someone who I really love. I can't go on being the one he relies on for material and emotional support. He can't give me the time and space I need to sort myself out. I feel like the bad guy for asserting myself.

Last year when I told my best friend that I was self harming and going through depression she was really supportive. At the end of the year she told me that I was dumping all my problems on her and treating her like a therapist. She also said that I was not trying to get better and that the reason I was depressed was because I kept telling myself that I was depressed.

It really hurt me when she told me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore because she couldn't handle it. I was the one dealing with my depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and social anxiety but she couldn't handle it.

Ever since then we've become close again but now I'm moving and I'm happy to move because all she ever cares about is her boy problems meanwhile I'm going through probably the toughest year of my life and dealing with things I haven't told her about because I'm afraid but she's to caught up in who she has a crush on for the month and it's really bothering me

i lied about something huge

Haven't posted here in a bit.

Well....I added the girl I had a crush on last year back on Facebook.. Hoping she'd want to talk to me. I was wayy wrong.

I let the guy I kissed on the cheek ( I liked him) hold my hand yesterday. I hadn't seen him in a year. But...I enjoyed it. I haven't had my hand genuinely held for about 2 years.

I miss my ex boyfriend.. I worry about him everyday. But I'll never know how he actually felt because he wouldn't tell me to my face. And its been almost a month since he's shown up to school.

I confess to the guy i love 2times but he keep on telling me that he doesn't want to hurt me..

I broke up with my most recent ex because he was absent during nearly all of our relationship. No feelings I had for him were lost but he never actually said how he felt about me, so I don't know what he feels. I ended it because it just felt like he didn't exist anymore..hebetopped replying to my texts..he hasn't been to.school in about a month..I miss him..and everyday at school just makes it worse. In my second period class his seat is next to mine..its been empty for over a month..but sometimes he came Tuesdays and Thursdays.. I'm which I saw him in my last class..I'd pull up a chair next to his computer.. After finishing my work.. And I'd be really nervous about it..but I'd talk and laugh with him. I miss that. I miss when I'd look down, feeling nervous and he'd look at me and smile. I miss the time he took my book from class and held it to his chest..then drew a little picture in it. I miss the time all the seniors were out of class for a meeting..and there were only 5 juniors left..including me and him. I sat by him the entire time. I let him read the poems I wrote about him..he enjoyed them very much. I miss putting my hand in the side pocket of his cargo shorts..he'd just let me do it. I miss actually talking to him, in person and over text. The only thing I don't know about is how much time I should give myself to move on..or get to a point where when I hear his name..I don't feel sad anymore..

Sorry!!

I feel at a loss often... I've dealt with emotional abuse for the past years and I feel like I am in constant self conflict with myself over how I should feel about my dad... I know that I want to move out ( I now have the chance to do it and be able to support myself while continuing to go to college) ... but I feel guilty for wanting my own space to be able to recover from all the negativity. Often enough, I also doubt myself to the point where I even think that maybe I'm just making it up even though I have a notebook full of entries from when I was feeling like crap when I was younger :/

I'm sensitive. I think deeply and I feel deeply. I hate it. I hate how people can hurt me and how deeply it can go. I feel weak. I'm angry at myself.

There is a man I shouldn't see. I spent time with him Saturday. Left in the middle of the night and didn't turn the lights on. Had to go back today to pick up some stuff I left. Thankfully he had it all in a shopping bag for me.

When I got home and looked inside I was mortified. The contents were my leather jacket, lipstain, part of a broken necklace and my bra & panties.

Im too old and our situation is completely f'd up. There is no way I should be like this especially with him. I didn't even drink very much and it still ended up being an over the top night.

Plus I think he took a picture of me. I asked him if he did and he said no. But it seems like a real memory and not a dream.

Disappointed in myself on several levels.

I spent thousands of dollars to cast spells on my ex in order to bring him back.