Confession

Super upset all these years wrong diagnosis! I could of been in a home made easy or something like that. I found out few days ago since i dont remember much that i do not have panic disorder but i have NES which is non elepitic seziure so kinda like partial seziure disorder and treatment is there but no cure im scared. My neurologist put me on medication but i see her in 6 weeks from now and if my symptoms gets worst more testing. Im super anxious about going to work and all since i never know when one comes on. Life changing and im stress out. Im trying to get of my own so i can be at peace and out of my twin place since i came across notes all in the bathroom that if it came down to her bf and me she will choose him and that i am crazy and more stuff...im hoping home made easy will put me on top of the list. But one step at a time. I just cant tell my work since i just got the job and i actually like it a little. Im hoping the meds will work to lessen my seziures and mirgrians as well.

I'm new to this app and here I am making a confession. I have a problem with my anxiety and had panic attack quite often. Sometimes the attack came in a very random time, in the middle of the night when I was sleeping suddenly I woke up with tremendous fear, trembling and couldn't breathe properly. Another problem, I am afraid to have a romantic relationship, I think I can't love a man with all of my heart and it's been 9 years since the last time I had a relationship. I am very quiet and definitely have a problem with my social life, in my workplace I don't speak with people because I don't know how to start and I'm too comfortable in my own space.

I really want to start taking Oxy again. God knows my boyfriend's my savior when it comes to that.

Im scared ill be hospitalized again because my mental illnesses make it hard to function in every day life. I cant get a job. I cant drive. I cant even leave my own bed.

Everyday tasks are painfully difficult for me.

I've been having a hard time talking to anyome, answering my phone because I want to break down and cry to tell someone about my depression but I can't. So just sleep during the day and lay awake under my covers thinking at night

I really want to hate the guy who hurt me, but I'm unbelievably in love with him. I honestly don't trust anyone anymore because of him either yet I hope he realizes how much I care about him and how I'll always be there if he needs someone. I Fear I'll Never Get Over him.

My social anxiety has affected me so much that I get seriously afraid when I hear the notification on my phone that tells me I got a text.

I can't believe I let myself fall for him so hard and so fast. I know better. I really wanted this to be different. I feel like I will never learn.

I deeply hate myself