Confession

I won't say you'll be okay, because I don't know that. I DO know that life is testing right now. So you need to prove it wrong. You see ties things as issues. But I see hidden beauty. You just need to learn what you were given. That's hard for anyone really. But you are just as fine as the healthiest person on Earth. So when you think OCD,know it means Oppurtunity Comes Daily. And BPD, Being "Perfect" Dies. So be extraordinary you. As for the drugs....what do I know, I'm a depressed 13 year old girl. But I know that solves nothing. It actually created more problems....no hidden beauty when it comes to that...you need to feel the lowest lows to experience the highest high. I know one little comment won't end all you suffarage, but PLEASE believe me when I say I want to help you. And maybe this is a start....<3

I must say, it takes a lot of guts to say how you feel. Another thing is, you are in pain. And, (Exscuse me for quoteing "The Fault In Our Stars". That wasn't actually where I got it from. I've been saying that for years. Before I even heard about the movie, let alone the book.) Pain demands to be felt. I mean, if we do not really understanding what we are feeling, and truly feel it, or express it, we are not human. It's a natural, human thing. You are on the right track when it comes to understanding, feeling, and expressing your pain. The next step, acting upon your feelings. Everybody has atleast one coping skill. But not everyone has a HEALTHY coping skill. I have depression, social anxiety, anxiety, bipolar dissorder, and ADD. When it came to depression, I cried every night, or anytime I got the chance, when I wasn't around people. I hated it when people asked me what was wrong, when they KNEW I was crying. Social Anxiety. To this day, I STILL have a hard time talking to strangers in public. For example, asking a waiter or a waitress at a restaraunt for anything. Whether it'd be ordering, or asking for a to-go box, etc. Anxiety. I worry A LOT. So, I often bring on a panic attack. Bipolar. I have HORRIBLE mood swings. I get angry, depressed, and happy in a matter of seconds. I can be this way one minute, and that way another minute. And lastly, my ADD. I hate this the most, actually. I space off A LOT. And it's EXTREMELY hard to pay attention. One day in class, my 8th grade teacher was teaching. And I spaced out while she talked. She then called on me, and I didn't know what she asked me, so she made me stand on my chair and repeat everything she said to me 10 times in a row verbally. It was embarassing, and stupid. But, I want you to know, you are NOT a monster. You are NOT disposable. You DISERVE to be happy in this life you have now. You do. Everyone diserves to be happy. I want you to know that you are NOT mentally ill. You just have a few obstacles in you path. You just have a couple of challenges to overcome. Just like me. We are strong creatures. We just don't give ourselves credit, let alone other people credit. Every day, when you look in that mirror, I want you to smile. And I want you to repeat in your mind over and over, "I deserve to be happy. I deserve the very best in this life I have now." And if you can, get an expo/dry erase marker, and write on the mirror, "Whatever may appear in the mirror, is something MUCH different in my mind." Because you may look in the mirror and see a "monster", but really it's your mind making you THINK you see a monster. And, as far as the drinking and the drugs, you must not let them win. You can get ahold of a doctor, or a hospital, or an addiction hotline to help you overcome that. You can do it! Take your life back! It's NEVER too late to feel and become happy and healthy again! Never! Positive thinking is the number on key. 😊

You are not annoying, we all care about you.

I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much.

If you were to think about self-harm as an addiction, it would make sense that you would feel like you want to be left alone with your addiction (because nothing works as effectively to soothe you as, in your case, cutting does, right ?). Just like a person addicted to alcohol may sip alcohol here and there in times and places that do not support their addiction, you maybe self-harming in the tiniest "sips", just enough to keep your urge satisfied and keep you going. Most importantly, though, the urge to use (or cut) is only fueled by your engagement in every single act of using (cutting), meaning that the more chocolate you eat, the more you like and want to eat it; the more (in severity or frequency) you cut, the stronger the subsequent urges. When not satisfied, urges don't grow indefinitely stronger - they may increase for a very short while and will then start to gradually decrease (and in some cases - disappear).

Self-harm is also a coping mechanism, a maladaptive, yet very effective one. It is therefore no surprise why it can be so hard to overcome. The thing that one should never try to do is to try and quit self-harming without first establishing a number of alternative effective coping strategies (the more, the better). The void that the sudden lack of self-harm leaves is very likely to result in relapse if such alternative strategies are not explored or deliberately and consistently used.

Now that my mini-lecture is over, I would like to wish you all the best in your recovery and to let you know that you are not alone, you are very much appreciated and welcomed here. :)

@KittyPi You are their world, you will never ever be a burden to them. They would do everything possible to help you, sometimes they just don't know where to start. Never compromise your emotions for others, your feelings are valued just like anyone else's.

Being worried about what and how you will accomplish in the future alone tells me that you are an intelligent, ambitious and responsible person. It tells me that you care. A lot of people "settle down" for way less and are comfortable with it. The fact that you care so much about your future accomplishments gives you enormous advantage and dramatically increases your chances that you will, in fact, achieve something great in life. So keep your head up, - where there's a will, there's a way ! ;)