Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
As messed up as this may seem, I feel like I have a growing obsession or even a growing addiction to adrenaline, thrill, and putting myself into the worst possible situations... I want to go in the army full time at 20 as armoured infantry.. (Very dangerous) and I just want to go do stuff like that all the time... Idk if that's good or bad....
EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!
I don't know where to begin. My life just feels like I go from making one mistake to another. I just seem to make the people around me unhappy. I'm in debt. I'm paralysed with fear about what to do about it and my life has just ground to a halt. Im signed off sick from work because I'm so stressed about it but I have no outlet, no release and no idea what to do to make any of it better. A large part of me thinks I should just end it all; sometimes I don't think anyone would notice.
I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder 7 years ago after a long traumatic part of my life. I ended up in a 6 year relationship with my now ex-girlfriend. 4 years in I started having a lot of issues with my disorder and one of my alters started getting quite violent with her. She supported me and stayed with me in an abusive relationship for 2 more years and I couldn't control myself anymore. I hurt her so bad that she left one day and now all I see myself as is a monster. I can't even look myself in the mirror because I hate what I see. She's forgiven me but I feel like I can't redeem myself after what I've done to her. I feel like I need to be punished and now I'm the only one left around to do the punishing. I want to destroy my life and suffer through every second of it just to have some idea of what i put her through. I feel like the only way it will feel okay again is when I'm gone from this world. I carry what I did to her every day of my life...
You sound like you realize your mistake and your girl forgive you. Monster don't know how to reach out for support. Just by reading your post you can tell the different between how you was upset. Something must of cause you to act like you did. The only person that understand you is you and God if you believe in him. You seems so normal and just relax and don't let this little issue drive you nuts. Every morning is a fresh start for you. Set very strict goals that will prevent you from what you need to do to make your girl and family happy. If you don't do it to make your girl happy, but your parents that help you from the first day that they saw you came out...
You didn't do those things, your alter did. Killing yourself won't change things, live and make it up to her and make it up to yourself. Make a change in your life because darling you deserve so much more than this.
I want to die. But fear death. I want to kill everyone all the time. But can't stand to be alone. I'm a perfectionest who can't find perfection. That is why I confess to never feeling the magical thing people call 'okay'....
If you say you are a perfectionist, than you know yourself and your talents more then anybody, but wanting to kill everybody is not you. You just need to talk with your family and spend quality time to make those crazy thought run through your head...
not make
You may not feel okay today, you may not feel it tomorrow, you may not even feel it next month. But I promise you, that you will achieve Okay one day. And I promise you that we will help you every step of the way. Things are going to get better, because you're a fighter, a hard worker, a determined soldier and a true warrior. Use your perfectionist abilities to your advantage. You're going to be more successful, smarter, happier and influential than you ever imagined. You're going to be that innovator, the inventive creator and the the true inspirational icon you deserve to be.
Just have been so obsessed with sex lately like a ll I have are these sexual urges all the time almost to the point where I can't control them and have to masturbate to release them
That happens to me sometimes. For me it's usually either hormones or a coping mechanism.
I feel invisible.
I do too. I've gotten so good at it that one time I stalked someone for 6 months without breaking cover- it's not something I'm proud of. It's one of the reasons I wish life would end for me
It feels like I'm dying everyday but have no way of stopping the suffering inside. There is no end.
Will I ever be happy? Or is my future just endless suffering and emptiness
Depression is a liar, it will get better again I promise. Every flower must grow through dirt. Rock bottom is a place where you can make a stable foundation. 
I know that she hates who I am. But she wouldn't admit it because she's a f***ing hypocrite, and prefers to hide in her "I'm so supportive! I'm the victim here!" part.
She's trash. I hate her.
Im jelouse of.my liddo sister i feel like she took m dads attention from me
My mom got my older brother a house and I still need pants, bras, and I JUST got a matters yesterday after waiting for uhhh, idk, 3 YEARS. I feel the pain....
