Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
hi everyone,
ever since i was a younger girl( im in high school now), i've been told i was 'pretty', 'perfect for modelling', 'gorgeous' etc. it has always felt really good. and over the years, i've become interested in boys and have been flattered if they thought i was pretty. But ive kinda come to the conclusion that they only like me for my appearance. my friend told me a few weeks ago of several guys at my school that want to hook up wi me/get w me/makeout w me etc and they don't really like me. I know i sound kinda spoilt but it honestly makes me feel really empty. it makes me think 'why don't they like me for my personlity', 'what is wrong with it', 'do they think i'm done'. I just honestly want to be known as more than a pretty face.
@indigoangel
you are not just a pretty face. Don't let people use you. Your good looks are an advantage tho so learn to use your gift wisely. The right person will love who you are inside as well as out. Please don't let those guys make you feel empty-you are worth so much more!
@easyWater4109 thank you <3
Its been a year..today's her birthday..don't remember if I saw her on this day last year..but from October to about mid-December she was almost always on my mind..I chickened out with asking her out. When I did she rejected me, her reasoning seemed..for lack of a better word..ridiculous. I tried being there for her..but she wouldn't let me. The least she could've done was be humane about it and tell me how she actually felt. I say I dont care, but when I came home today..the first notification I saw on my phone was about her birthday. I am doing well in keeping my promise to myself of not communicating with her. The last time we spoke..I wanted her to feel bad about what she had done to me.. I could to bring myself to do it. I now know she never actually cared and she still doesn't.
There comes a point where it's not worth talking about.
There aren't any words left. It's just a heavy, sad, lonely burden to drag in silence.
Its not shocking or surprising anymore to me, it just is.
I think of all the ways I could solve the problem, all the ways I can run and hide, all the ways I can disappear, and all the ways I can end.
im so tired. I'm so alone.
I need help, but I'm too scared to have my parents find out that I have problems. I'm perfectly okay with letting anyone else in my life know I have these problems and allow them to try to help, but the one way to get real professional help is to have my parents know and I just can't do that yet.
I think I rely on my medications too much and don't reach out to others very well.
I had sex with my best friend's brother. She found out and told me to kill myself. I don't even care anymore
I have been in abusive relationships, and still want one of the people back because as much as he hurt me, no else took care of me as much as he did. I have proof of it too, it's not just his manipulation.
I still struggle with the urge to cut, even though it's been over a year.
Sometimes when I'm having a difficult day and people won't leave me alone, I think about how to kill them. I have no desire to kill anyone, but it still happens. It bothers me.
I still want to punch my ex in the face. He cheated on me while I was in a mental hospital and then told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me anymore because he wasn't "strong enough emotionally" for "the things I put him through".
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life and the future terrifies me. I don't want to get out of bed.
Hey there if you want to talk I'm all ears okay ❤
@theartofnightshade
For some reason, i read this as "I still struggle with the urge to punch my cat"....... I know, whut. Let your ex be punched by air and the avengeful aura of your friends. Save yourself a sue sentence, your reputation and your dignity. Cheaters are levels below the faithful and should be treated as so. Who cares his excuse. Shoulda waited till he was a no-hitched bumface first.
Thinking to kill somebody is nothing wrong. Stress alleviators over time range anywhere from stress balls, punchbags and or voodoo dolls. [edited by Anomalia for triggering content] I have thought about it as well. As long as action not does breed thought (or uh, vice versa that), who cares what you do with your mindscape.
Congratulations with your struggle continuing to be only a struggle and one you're still making wins at daily. I love how you ended with your not being being able/wanting to get out of bed. I feel yas. Well, these days it's more like: shower or get bedbugs and a melted (or other extreme opposite) face. Then it's stright back to bed of course.. All of this is in my waking dreams anyway.
@imaginativeDrum
Phew, thought I lost all three paragraphs of unnecessary rambling there.
@imaginativeDrum
Please don't be offended, but you do need to get some mental health support. You might want to find a therapist and try some anger management classes.
If you have a local crisis hotline, they can help you find the resources that you need.
I'm having an identity crisis after getting off my meds. I started taking them as a teen, because I was pushed to do it. The only effect they really have is to numb my emotions. I felt like I wasn't my true self, so I quit. But at the same time, how can I say that's not me, when that's all I've known for years? I feel like my personality changes by the minute. I can't hold on to anything except pain and sadness.
I'm a coward for not being able to stop my family from fighting
@fluffyowls
That is not true. You do not control that. You cannot change that. You are not a coward