Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
I have a slight eating issue; whenever I am upset, I stop eating as much. I just don't feel the need to, and I stop having my breakfast, stop eating lunch and have a small bit of dinner because I know my mum will be mad other wise. I'm absolutely fine when I'm mentally and emotionally happy, but when something goes wrong I go downhill.
@emmaprince19
It happens, appetite vanishing sometimes when stressed. I hope you have a way of managing this. Please take care. *hugs*
What did i do wrong? all i want is people to remember my deeds. Ill be leaving soon. I wanted to have more fun times with everyone. I wanted to see more things. I dont want to die. .... i really dont. Please dont force me to end my life. .... please.
@jeslyn hey what's wrong??
@jaewonkim i feel like ending my life every single day. Everything seem so worthless. Nothing is important enough for me to stay. Im afraid if i dont find someone or something important to me soon, ill eventually just leave.
@jeslyn
I know you might have heard this before, but have you thought of calling/texting/or chatting with a crisis line? Just to have someone to talk to. I'm concerned, hearing that you're in such distress, and I hope you can find what you're looking for.
I never tell anyone the whole truth of what's going on with me
@crimsonPlum47 neither do i. Whenever i thought i found someone i can fully open up to, but right before i was going to trust myself to that person they never fail to make sure saying nothing was right. It breaks my heart everytime. I never wanted to hurt others but sometimes people misinterpret our motives. Do you feel this way?
@crimsonPlum47 You don't have to. I know if I did, I would have been isolated by the people at work, so I don't tell them. They ended up kicking me out anyways (the polite way they say it is - you are a wonderful employee but we could not renew your contract because the person you are backfilling is coming back)
@crimsonPlum47
That's your choice, what you'll tell others who you have no obligation to. But I hope it's not hurting you in some way, to keep things in.
I have a tremendous problem sharing my feelings, instead I tend to bottle them up .
@lazyKatz I have the same problem, I find it really hard to open up to people. 7 Cups has helped a little, though.
@lazyKatz
You're not bad at sharing your thoughts, or at least it seems that way. You're self aware, so I think that counts for something.
@guidingMusic
It can be very hard for all of us to share especially if any of those feelings result in embarrasment or discomfort to yourself or others. We all struggle though the best we can.
@lazyKatz
Yeah. I get that, we do the best we can.
Every time i get the urge to harm myself or i get sad i eat. its not good, and doesnt work that well because when ever i take a bite of food i feel completely disgusted with my self and then i get more sad and end up hating my self and making careless and reckless decisions until i cry myself to sleep
@LimeSquare1999 when im sad or depressed i dont feel like doing anything. Eventhough im hungry and try to take a bite of something, even if its my favourite food, as that particular moment it just makes me want to gag. It feels like im swallowing needles. Do you feel the same? Maybe we arent that different
@LimeSquare1999
That's not good. *hugs* Have you told anyone about this? I hope you have, you sound like you're struggling with this self disgust and compulsive behaviors.
I went in a coma last year because I took 30 units of insulin (diabetes) when my blood was already low. I did it because it was a suicide attempt but I never really wanted to tell anyone
@Jewell
I wish you the best for the present. I hope there's some relief in sharing this here.
Sometimes I think about the things I'll change if I could go back in time.
@iloo2789
I think we all do. There are always things which we can regret or think could have gone better or could have turned out a different way. So long as you are not weighed down by them. Take care. *hugs*
I feel like I don't even feel anything anymore. I just feel numb all the time, it's like I'm feeling so much at once that I can't feel anything at all (that probably made no sense; I can't explain it probably.) I don't even feel like I deserve to feel anything though, I'm like a robot.
@impartialTree3773
i know exactly how you feel. It's actually irritating to feel this way. I hate it.
@AnonymouslyDown
I think I know how you feel, the loathing you have for how this and the disgust. I wish you the best. *hugs*
@impartialTree3773
It makes sense, being past the point of being overwhelmed to feel nothing, numb in the distant chaos. I think it might be hard to say whether you "deserve" a feeling or not. But I do think that maybe you do deserve something outside of only emptiness.
@impartialTree3773, I often think of it like when a noise gets really really loud and you stop hearing it properly, but with emotions instead. Keep going and I hope those emotions come back to you soon <3
I feel so alone, ignored, unloveable, disgusted and embarassed.
@reservedexcitment You feel lonely and it's hard to be the person you are now because of so many heavy emotions. For one thing, you're not unlovable just because the people you've come across may not love you the way you deserve. It's important to love yourself too because other's love compliments the feelings you have for yourself and without self healing, it's harder to let in other's love.
@reservedexcitment I have many of those days and the hurt and pain is sometimes overwhelming, but if I close my eyes and concentrate just for a moment on this moment, what I hear, what I smell, what my body feels, then I find I am more grateful than in pain. if just for that one moment.
I don't know how to tell my family that I need help and the fact that I can't tell them is making it all worse. I can't stop obsessing over things like my weight and my relationships with people. I'm so incredibly stressed and anxious, it's tearing me apart.
I'm being torn apart because a part of me wants to ask for help and a bigger, uglier part of me is too ashamed. I don't know what to do.
@beautifulbeast You don't know how to communicate with your family about what bothers you because you're unsure of how it would come across. You feel like you'd be letting them down because of your problems.
Still, it's important to communicate with loving people who would try to be there for you because we all have flaws and we don't always solve them by ignoring them or covering them up. If you think that your family would help you through this and seek to understand you then it's fair to tell them. If not, you deserve to be helped by someone who wants to see you healthy and happy.
