Confession
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I sometimes resent my family for keeping me alive.
Having been with someone with borderline personality disorder for 9 hrs I feel like I have adapted to the type of feelings she has, I feel insane sometimes....
@AnonymouslyDown I can see why being near someone with BPD has made you feel similar to how they do. It makes sense that it feels like it could get out of control and that's sort of scary. Reading up on BPD, mindfulness, etc. and understanding your own emotions may help you be more balanced so you can be stable enough to help the other person as you'd ideally want to.
i didnt ever loved my mother as they loved me and said bad words about my neighbors and people i know got proud of myself than others and prayed to the devil i should not prayed im a sinner and blasphemous prayer im alone .... i dont know what to do anymore just my little faith keeps me alive and my regret.. i cant keep calm and at peace for all the things i have done.
@mybeloved18
First, I'm glad you have your small flame of faith even when it's a source of regret for you too. I wonder about what has brought you to look all of these things which you feel you've done wrong and drown in guilt over them.
Thank you for confessing. I hope you'll find your peace.
I guess I have serious depression and anxiety and I get upset and worried over trivial things. I hate myself for pretending to be normal at school when I really want to scream and cry and break down. I hate the fact that I'm different from the others (my kind-of best friend said yesterday that I was shy, timid, exaggerating, and undevoted - and it was her honest opinion) and I hate how fake my laugh sounds even when I'm genuinely laughing, I hate how I can't use my diaphragm to sing, I hate how I exaggerate everything even when it's my real reaction, I hate how I don't think through my ideas to get them accepted, I hate how I'm insensitive to others' feelings, I hate how imperfect I am, I hate how these nights I'm either as emotionless af or waves of panic coming over me, I hate how my handwriting looks, I hate how this this doesn't even make sense at all, I hate that I'm only 13 and I'm already feeling and pretending and convincing my mom that I'm in serious need of psychological help...
Logn story short, I hate every single particle of myself and the world's probably better off without me. I can't wait to move to America to buy a real gun.
@DreamHope thinking of you. Are there any things you enjoy doing? Have you ever tried a colouring book? Sounds childish but colouring has gotten me through many nights of those waves of panic xx
My confession
I'm getting pretty sick of being sick. It's a never ending cycle. Get sick, see doctors, more meds, do better....get sick...
It's annoying and I feel terrible for my family.
@Brighter93
That's honestly very understandable. It feels like it'll never end, and maybe it won't depending on your condition, I don't know.
I just hope for your sake that you will find peace somewhere.
A Little Bump In The Road
Two nights ago…
Every night is lonely, when you
@MelAnne450
Please, hold onto that moment, that realization. Even if it does get lonely feeling there's no one who understands, or that you're feeling pathetic for everything you feel you're doing wrong, please remember this moment.
If you need someone to talk to when you're feeling suicidal or otherwise very distressed, there are hotlines that you can call. There is an extensive list of them here: https://suicidestop.com/ and here: https://suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
Please take care.
I need to speak to my mother again. But I can't. She died when I was eleven and I need to speak to her and sort out so much stuff but I can't and that's a pretty good explanation of my whole life tbh.
@RogerTheDemiboy
Like a hole that remains unfilled even while you wish you still had her. You miss her.
I have violent thoughts about other people. I wish the most terrible ills on the people I feel have wronged me. I have contemplated hiring somebody to hurt them. The mere idea of revenge makes me feel both empowered and frightened at the same time. Deep inside, I know I don't want to hurt people, so I stick with wishing and imagining evil upon them. The process is going to harm me eventually, but I don't know how to stop the vengeful thoughts.
@Someone01
Why does the feeling of planning or getting revenge make you feel empowered and frightened? Are these thoughts fully yours and under your control, and if yes, what purpose do they serve? If no, you might want to check out this post about compulsive thoughts though I don't know if that's what you're experiencing.
There is a difference between thoughts and actions, but assuming you've never taken serious action, it's clear the thoughts are distressing you to some extent, even while you indulge in them.
Take care, and I hope you'll figure this out without harm coming to anyone.
My depression is getting the better of me again.
@musicalWillow25 You're in my thoughts. I hope you feel better soon 
@TrueArrow thank you so much. You have no idea what that means to me.....
I feel like I'm a pathetic waste of space and time and effort.
@PotterFan25 I know I'm just a stranger but I don't think you are a waste of space at all. I know how hard that feeling is but you do have worth and value. I promise you
@PotterFan25 I know exactly how you feel
@Hufflepuff27 I like how both your names relate to each other! 
@PotterFan25
Listen Potter, you. Are. Amazing. You are loved. You are special. You have a purpose. Don't forget that.
@PotterFan25 everyone is important in this world. Everyone has a purpose. You're important, repeat this everyday for yourself. ;)
I'm scared to have my baby and I'm scared to let her around my family because I think they'll judge me and try to tell me what to do and not let us raise our daughter the way we want to. I love my family, but I resent them because I know they're really judgemental.
@AlwaysUpFromHere Don't be afraid. Once your baby is born a lot of things will change. Perhaps your family is one of these things. Think positive
