Diary of Scorpius #1

In May of 2013, I almost ended my life.

I had moved 700 miles from home straight of high school. I had been a housekeeper at a local nursing home for some time and had recently completed a vocational program in August of 2012 to become a Certified Nursing Assistant.

I took my first job as a CNA in February 2013.

Everything was great, at first. I was making way more than I had ever made in my life (12.50 an hour) and I was finally feeling like I was able to live comfortably. However, I was working in a very bad nursing home with uncaring staff and even less useful management. I recently had lost my health insurance and had to go off the only anti-depressant that had worked for me because I couldn't afford it. My grandmother, who is a mother figure in my life, then had a stroke in April that nearly cost us her sanity when she was diagnosed with acute fronto-temporaldementia.

A co-worker then cried neglect on me when a resident fell out of her wheelchair on my watch.

I was fired after a bullshit investigation, in which the Maine State Board of Nursing dismissed the case because there was too much 'he said she said' and no solid evidence I had ever neglected the resident.
They, the nursing home, then attempted to pursue revocation of my certification.

I was devastated.

Everything I ever worked for I thought was gone.

Everything looked bleak. I had a car payment. I had car insurance. I had rent. I had food. I had utilities. I had gas to pay.

Fast forward to now.

My Major Depression and Anxiety is a work in progress but I found out that my CNA certificate was never revoked. I continued to pursue work as a CNA in another home specializing in Alzheimers and memory impairment care until the arthritis in my knee became too much. I went back to school for Medical Laboratory Assisting and graduated at near the top of my class. I'm now a Phlebotomist/MLA in Maine's largest, most prestigious hospital.

This past Sunday, a man collapsed at my local Walmart, still and blue in the face.

Because of the efforts of myself and three or four other medically trained customers we were able to stabilize the man's life long enough for EMTs to arrive. By the time the ambulance came, color had begun to return to his face.

It probably wouldn't have played out any differently had I not been there.

But I like to think I made a difference that day. I helped save that man's life. Or at least, stabilize it for the time being. I'll never know if he actually made it.

But that's okay.

This is what I was born on this Earth to do.

Care. Care and ease the troubles of those around me who are suffering.

So they never have to feel the bottomless hopelessness I have.