Entry 13 -- An open letter to my auntie... (TW: Abuse)

I don't know if it's the best idea for me to write this here, but it feels right. Please let me know if you have any feedback (or if you just want to send an internet hug; that would be nice too😊). I am going to send some version of this to her.

You have treated me horribly. Lately it seems like you see me as nothing but a punching bag. I am not that. I am your niece. I recognize you have had a tough life. I know I can never completely understand what you've gone through, and I also know that it makes you mad. It seems like everything makes you mad. Sometimes I wish I could fix everything. I want to help you, but I have my own messes to clean.

So instead, I have strained to show you kindness, respect and love. You have not shown me the same. With every passing day, you seem to grow more spiteful toward me. I don't know what you're expecting to happen in these exchanges, but it doesn't seem like you care how I feel about it. You do not get to treat me this way. You do not get to make me your punching bag. I will not be screamed at, swung at, hated or abused because I am closest to you. This is not love. This is abuse.

Yesterday you were abusive. I wish it were the first time. I wish you could understand me, and that you could stop. But it seems like you can't. So I need to tell you this: if this happens again, I will be cutting contact. Maybe I already should have. But it's important that you understand what this is. This isn't an ultimatum: this is me telling you that the way you treat me hurts terribly. I will not stand by and accept it. You haven't given me any other choice but to walk away.

You told me once that we will always be family. That's still true. But that does not mean I need to stand by and wait for you to hurt me again. "Being family" isn't an obligation, and pain doesn't need to be endured to keep that promise. I will no longer be bullied, abused, or ruined. Who you have been towards me is not okay. You do not get to treat me this way anymore. I have grown too much to allow abuse back into my life. It is not allowed.

Tomorrow I will be doing a fun journaling prompt. But tonight, I needed to get this off my mind. Thank you 7 Cups 💖