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HappySpecter
1 5,693 M Moving Along 1
I guess that means I'm finally movin' on 😊
PathStep 24 Compassion hearts1,712 Forum posts495 Forum upvotes1,180 Current upvotes1,180 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceMay 13, 2025
Bio

I am a queer punk mom! I like modern wrestling, alt-rock of the early aughts, and cute animation! I am just trying to find myself, and my first real home in the process.








Recent forum posts
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I desperately need a new job
Autism Support / by HappySpecter
Last post
 September 14th
...See more I work as a barista and being on bar consistently pushes me to the point of breakdown. I need a new job. I need to be home from here. I just needed to share. Thank you 😊
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Happy Pride, friends!
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by HappySpecter
Last post
 June 9th
...See more Lesbian, queer, bi or gay? Come along and help us slay! He, she, fae or them? Be yourself until the end! Demi, hyper, aro, ace? You simply cannot be replaced! Agender, enby, Two-Spirit, trans? Come and meet all of your fans! I guess what I am trying to tell Is that you should always be yourself! And if you can't right now, right here We're always here to holler and cheer! Pride month is the perfect time To tell you all with this here rhyme That being proud of who you are Is how you learn to be a star! We love you all with our whole heart No matter who or where your are YAY PRIDE MONTH!
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Entry 30 -- A bit of anxiety
Journals & Diaries / by HappySpecter
Last post
 April 17th
...See more Lately, I have had a low level anxiety. It almost feels like a tiny rock in my stomach, or like 3% of my stomach acid has been replaced with oil. I have a number of balls in the air right now, and I think that's the issue. My brain keeps latching on to the things I'm not working on and freaking out a little about that fact. My brain, for whatever reason, believes that I can work on 712 things all at once, and that simply isn't the case. I need to remind myself again and again that things are getting done, and that not everything needs to be fixed or finished today. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm safe, that finishing my projects won't bring me safety or security. I am so anxious to be in the place that I want to be, but this will all take time -- I don't like that, and neither does my brain. Patience is a virtue, and not one I'm good with. I think that's where this anxiety is coming from -- I'm not going fast enough. BUT I know that things take the amount of time that they take. I also know that I am taking very significant steps toward my goals. Things just aren't going fast enough for me. But I'll get there. I guess this post is just meant to remind myself:
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Entry 29 -- An update, and an open letter to my ex
Journals & Diaries / by HappySpecter
Last post
 April 9th
...See more To begin, I want to share a couple of high points from this week. * I have officially been on hormones 6 days as of today, and yesterday I got my first period since being off meds! This might seem like a down, but for me, period pain is affirming. Perhaps that's weird, but idc! YAY! * I feel incredibly accomplished! Monday, I released two videos AND posted 12 or so shorts to release in the coming weeks. Tuesday was rough (for the reason mentioned above), but I still managed to apply to 3 jobs and start a sample project for freelance work. Now it's time for the dirty work. Since last night, I have had this pretend dialogue rattling around in my head (does anyone else ever get that?). I thought sleep would shoo it away, but instead I just dreamed about it. So I think I need to write it down, in hopes that I can process and move on. So here goes. ------------------------- To Whom It May Concern: You ruined me. You took me for granted, and you forced me into situations I didn't want to be in. You took advantage of my kindness -- I took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned, even helped you with your work when you needed. I was there for you when we were together, and when we weren't. You convinced me to live with you after our separation, then kicked me out when I no longer suited you. You tossed me into one of the worst economies our country has ever seen, and probably the worst job market too. As someone who is trans and has been off the job market for 7 years as a stay-at-home mom, that was a brutal, clubbing blow. And if that wasn't enough, you lied to me. Not tiny white lies, but big, saw blade-shaped ones. Ones that cut to the bone. I'll never trust you again. We'll never be friends again. You might think that's my choice, but it's my protection. You ruined me. But in spite of that, I'm rebuilding those ruins. Now I know what materials to use, how high to build my walls, and who to let in. From fire and ashes, I'm building a castle to marvel at. You'll never see inside, but those who deserve me will. I'm not thanking you. I'm telling you because despite you, I will keep going. I'll be the Mom I want to be (I know you hate that idea). I'll be the human the universe has been begging me to be. Because you burnt down the bridge between us, I am making my space inhabitable -- for me and anyone else deserving of my life force. Anyhow, I hope your stupid *** is happy 😎 💖 Lacy ------------------------- For anyone reading this, 7 Cups has been huge in my rebirth. Thank you! Here comes the next chapter.
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HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY!
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by HappySpecter
Last post
 April 26th
...See more This morning I got blood work done so I can start back on hormones! Fingers crossed everyone! HRT has saved my life. That's not an exaggeration. In the months since falling off my meds, I have been suicidal more than once. What's perhaps more scary is that I've felt this way before I started transitioning too, but I didn't recognize it as weird. I just thought things would always be this way. Anyway, I thought I'd share my tiny triumph today because of National Trans Day of Visibility. I didn't even plan it this way: the appointment just feel in my lap. Would anybody else like to share a tiny trans-related victory they've accomplished recently?
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How can I tell if someone is hitting on me?!
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by HappySpecter
Last post
 April 3rd
...See more I have been told hundreds of times that I don't notice when someone is hitting on me or attracted to me. However, no one ever tells me what I should look for!!  I don't know if I am interested in dating, but I certainly hate the idea of missing important cues. Help please?! P.S. I am a lesbian, BUT maybe this post could be helpful for someone like me (plz tell me I'm not the only one lol). Please specify what gender/sexuality you might get the signal from. Thank you!!
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Entry 28 -- A Slow Week is Okay, Right?
Journals & Diaries / by HappySpecter
Last post
 March 21st
...See more I mean, I think I know the answer, but sometimes I feel like I can't ever slow down. I think this is probably because, for most of my life, I have been in survival mode. When I was a kid, my household was turbulent and unsafe. I never felt like I could let my guard down. I constantly had to read my parents. What's worse is that I didn't feel like I could tell anyone how I was feeling. So I kept to myself. When I was the stay-at-home parent, I was always doing everything to take care of the kids. The divorce destroyed me, and I had to add trying to make money to survive. I was just trying frantically to pick up the pieces, make all the monies and be the best mom ever.  Easy-peasy lemon squeezy, right? RIGHT?!? It didn't work. So now I'm not doing all of that (though not entirely by choice). I have time to think now. Plus I can breathe, and rest, and reflect. I'm not used to it yet. I had a crazy three days last weekend, and being able to take this week slowly doesn't feel right. I'm constantly having to remind myself that everything is okay, that I am doing fine. I'm trying my hardest to let things happen as they do. But, a phrase I heard in a *** video recently keeps coming to mind: I am totally fine going with the flow, but could someone please tell me when the flow is? Then again, in some ways it's like I have two brains: one is telling me all the reasons why everything is okay, and the other one is screaming that the world is burning down. Like, I know logically that all of this is okay, but that doesn't stop me from freaking out about every little thing. Anyway, this post has been kind of all over the place. That kinda makes sense though, since that's how my week has been. So I guess the best thing to do is end this with another affirmation: You are doing great, Lacy! You'll get there, just not today. That's okay. Just keep going, girl! I need head pats. I always need head pats.
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My thinning hair is so depressing...
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by HappySpecter
Last post
 April 1st
...See more I have been out trans going on 4 years now, and most days I like my hair. I've been growing it out for probably 3 years now. But some days, I can't think of anything other than how awful my hair looks. "It's too thin on top," "You look like Gollum," "Everyone knows your bald," and the like. The truth is I don't even think it's that bad! I look in the mirror, and I can tell I have a bit of a bald spot but overall it looks fine! That said, when it gets even a little greasy, I just feel like the ugliest person on the planet! This is in my mind, I know. But that doesn't make it any less real! Before I came out, I just buzzed it. I am not opposed to that even now, but I feel so proud of how far I've let it grow! It's a part of my femininity, but some days it causes me so much stress I just want to shave it all off! I just start comparing my hair to everyone else's -- even anime characters! I know I shouldn't compare myself to other, and I know I'm being ridiculous. But knowing these things doesn't change the dysphoria! I'm not sure why I'm posting this -- maybe just support? Maybe some hair advice wouldn't hurt -- either hair care or how to style it. I would shower every day if I could, because those are the days my hair looks best, but I know that can damage your hair (and your skin for that matter).
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