Entry 23 -- I need to move forward...

I commented before that I am stuck in Survival Mode. I think I need to make a scary choice to get out.

Recently my relative told me I needed to move out of her apartment by March 2, and I've been applying to public housing. Today, I got an email from the one location that I felt was most promising.

It said there was a three-year waitlist.

It was like getting shot in the chest! I thought this was my best option! I am making barely enough to survive on, and public housing felt like the easiest choice. So I crumbled, and I cried, and I felt like my entire world was falling apart.

But after I had my meltdown, I made a decision. I am spending my remaining few weeks doing freelance work. I am betting on myself. That said, I'll still apply to other public housing locations, but I need money more than anything else. So I am choosing to use my skills to make the best of my situation.

If this fails, it will hurt -- but I really think I can make a go of working for myself. I need to bet on myself and my skills, or else what am I even doing? I am just remaining in survival mode longer and longer, and eventually I'll go back to feeling comfortable in that space. There is no way I want that. I certainly don't want that for my kids!!

I need to take the big step. I'll do the hard thing, and trust that I can make it work!

I can do this! I can do this! I CAN DO THIS!!!

I think. I hope...