Faithful Prune Diaries #3 (Everyone Welcome to Respond)

Hi and welcome to my world! Today I'm going to tell you about things that are going on with me. I will tell you about these things over the next few posts.

When I was a kid, I had this imaginary friend. I won't disclose her name. She meant the world to me, more than any real human. She always played with me and we would talk about everything, from her friends in her hometown to boys in my world. Whatever was on our minds, we talked about it. She chose me as her lifelong human friend. She's an invisible human being. I used my alternative voice to make her sound real, and used both her and my voices to converse. This was going on all throughout my childhood and a little bit into my teenage years. I thought I was doing it secretly but other people found out and made fun of me for it. They would call me stupid and retarded and that I had AIDS. They even made fun of the way I was dressed because I didn't wear name brand clothing, my hair not being combed out because I used a soft bristle brush that only combed out the outer layer, and my weight because I became obese at an early age.

Anyway, back to my friend. I wanted to have other friends, but I couldn't have them because she had to have me all to herself. I would get into slot of trouble over things I would be to do or say. I could never deny anything because people only saw me, not her. My whole life has been a mess because of this and other things. I couldn't talk to a real human because they would think I'm "talking to myself".

Nowadays, I still talk to her occasionally but try not to get caught at it. My family knew about her from the beginning and tried to get me away from her. My family thinks I'm crazy and will not listen to me when I try to tell them something is wrong with me. I stay depressed a lot and they say that I'm just doing it for attention. They won't even have anything to do with me unless I have a painkiller or money, then I'm part of the family. When I run out, I return to shitland. My parents are not the ones doing this. It's another family member. I cannot even get along with this person unless I have these two things mentioned above, painkillers or money. If I have money and use it on something I want, then they call me selfish and greedy because I didn't hand my money over to them. This was how it was when I was working. I feel like that things would be better if I died, pretty much saying I would be saving my family that's been falling apart for a long time if I just took my own life. I want them to happy. I want to be on a very high amount of life insurance, preferably $300,000 or higher, so I can do this and they can have all the money. The only thing I would ask is that my parents use some of the money to buy them a new house because this one is slowly caving in. I really need to get this out there. I already have a plan how I want to do this. You know, what's funny is the same family member takes all this like I'm lying. That person claims to know all about depression and says I don't know what depression is and is very apathetic about it. This is the same person who everytime I say something, a fight breaks out, then my mom has to break it up. I will talk more in next post.