Feb. thoughts
Ok today is the 2nd day, not too bad, I am ok, nothing has been resolved, he still is ignoring me, comes and goes as he pleases, the one day I am not home, doesn't do all care more the woman, I am trying to realize I am going to just keep my distance emotionally, I am one who forgives easily but when someone doesn't ask for forgiveness, I am setting myself to be mistreated yet again, I refuse to be mean, I won't let another's behavior affect or change mine. I think I am making a tiny bit of progress, I cried a bit yesterday, because in front of my kids, he said how I think is a**inine, and that I was too lazy to do something, and I make excuses. My daughter came in and sat down next to me and said I am sorry that Dad is mean to you. 😢 that broke my heart, my kiddos should not haveto be involved in that. I guess they are being affected by their fathers behavior too.
Iam still feeling lousy, I am not sure what to do, I can't climb out of this, I know it's anxiety and depression, but I can't continue like this, maybe I need medical help, I am scared though, my Dr won't do anything about my meds . She thinks I should go to be evaluated, but I have heard awful things about that place. I have no support here,at home to help me, so I am trapped in my own thoughts, a real bad place to be!
I am not sure what it is with me, yesterday this woman didn't get up till 12:15 pm , nowthat my husband isn't here she is up before 10 am,what is with that, he woke her , now today she gets up on her own, ughh, I want to be alone, I was hoping for at least another hour of peace. Oh well, not happening so I need to move on.
At last, I have some relief from anxiety, ate dinner and drinking water and took meds. I hope it is gone, I will sleep good tonight, I am do thankful!
My family dr. Is not great, I always try to get refill on meds about 1 week before I run out, it has now been 4 days and my pharmacy still has not have it. If I run out I will be a mess, if I don't get them refilled within the next day, they have done this before, I hear 2 stories, the dr. Blames pharmacy and the pharmacy says it's the Dr. It's do frustrating, I try to give them enough time, but it doesn't matter. I can't go very long without, and when I go to get explanation, they are angry with me, Do they seriously think I want to be here doing this? I wish I didn't have to take any medication! Seriously?
I am becoming anxious again, my daughter and her dad had a cookie booth about 15 minutes away till 12pm, and then were going to stop at drug store for my prescriptions, they are not back yet, my anxiety always has me thinking the worst and he never will let me know if he has been held up , so I am angry that he is not texting me
Well came back late and I we aren't going out for my birthday, he is mad about going to drug store and says we don't have time, because he works tonight, I should not have gotten my hopes up, not I am just depressed beyond what I can handle, I don't even deserve to have my birthday celebrated
Well he's mad at me yet again, apparently I can do nothing right. I was supposed to wake him up when got home from church, he never told me that, but I am expected to just know, so we are going out for lunch, but I am getting the silent treatment, I guess it is better than being yelled at or cursed at, I would rather just stay home, because at some point, he will get angry at something I do or don't do. I am so tired of being in no win situations, sometimes the things he says are so stupid, but I try my best to keep silent, because you can't reason with someone who is acting like a raging lunatic.
Ok , so drove over an hour to eat and when got there, the wait was an hour ,couldn't wait that long ,so back in the car to drive home, whatever, way past lunch and I am hungry, I am tired of being made feel second rate.
So ,instead of going or asking anywhere else I wanted to go ,we went to a streak house, ughh I am still getting silent treatment, came home, went out to car without a word, is ok, kids are off school, as soon as older lady is up ,gotten meds and breakfast, me and the kids are leaving,
What is the use, I tried being nice, I asked if he was going out, I wanted some shrimp, so he came back with not what I wanted , I said steamed shrimp and he brought back cold, and I nicely said I had wanted steamed, he ranted and yelled, that's why you should get it yourself and then proceeded to complain how expensive it was. I didn't get seafood for my birthday, so I really wanted something, next time I will know better, haven't had any seafood in over a year. I am just so tired of being treated like I don't matter.