For this moment alone,

Can there ever be a day that goes by where I don't think about you? Please? Behind my eyes is that deep stare you always give me. I open them and I am staring at my ceiling and you are not here. Someone else is here. The first someone else to ever make me say no to you. I thought she was the first someone else to make me get over you but I guess not? Maybe I will never truly move on from you. That sucks man. Like it really just blows. You were so unbelievably awful to me. But I shared half of my life with you. I've now known you for longer than I haven't and not a lot of people our age can say that. Maybe that's why I scare you. I have seen more of you and know you more than anyone. Anyone who isn't your family that is. I have been with her for 9 months and I still wonder if you think about me. That makes me convulse in this weird way. Like it makes me cringe. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feeI right that when things are going bad with her and I lay awake at night and think "hmm I wonder what ___ is doing?" Because I know what you're doing. You're in frat house an hour and a half away from getting high and listening to loud music, probably 6 or 7 beers deep and caressing some girls hip. You're trying to make witty banter with her and she's laughing, she thinks you're funny (you are), but she's not smart enough to keep up with you. They're always educated but never smart. I'll never forget the night you called me charming.