I don’t know what’s wrong (TW: just in case )

Oh how long will I stay silent

How long will I play the role

These times can be so violent

On me, my mind, my soul

I feel so alone despite surrounded

I don’t feel like working no more

My heart feels so pounded

It’s far away from shore

My hands tremble, my eyes tear up

I take deep breaths and blink

I clench my jaws and try to calm down

My minds no longer in sync

There’s so much pain all around me

I can’t find any good door

I cant think of any good words to describe me

Everything just feels so sore

I want to cry, but tears never come

It’s like I feel so numb

I laugh and smile when I’m with people

It’s like li*e en*ed before it begun

I show my green thumb and say I’m okay

But deep down I know that it’s just acting everyday

I pace around in circles, I can’t sleep at nights

I don’t feel hungry anymore, life’s not worth the fight

Those scenes replay around my head

I toss and turn around my bed

No one is ever there to console

It’s like life made me an unwanted mole

Those words again ring in my ears

I feel like screaming stop

I have been quiet for so many years

But now my heart can’t hold in a lot

I try to cry, but tears never come

It’s like they disappeared

I’ve never really felt this numb

The tears have really veered

My mind is in so much pain

It just continuously throbs

I hope and pray so that I can gain

Some more doors and doorknobs

I cant g*ve away my li*e

I’m my mom’s support

For my mom, I stay al*ve

Sometimes thinking to take her to court

Her life isn’t easy either

It’s actually worse than mine

But indeed she is wiser

She left everything to divine

I’m not a good person, I’m not smart

I want to just restart

I want to redo everything

But in the end I can do nothing

words like: life, ended, give and alive are censored