I don't know what's wrong but I need help

So I don't wish to see a therapist until I move out and that might not be for a while and I have no friends who I can talk to, so in the mean time I'll just talk about it here. There are events that lead up to it however on about Janurary 7th of 2019 the day before I had to go back to school after winter break I tried to go to bed, however I couldn't fall asleep for hours and that caused me to have great anxiety. When I awoke however things felt entirely different, Some objects felt different, like I knew they were there but didn't want to accept it making them feel almost photoshopped, at times when I would look at my hands I would feel a bit of anxiety as they almost felt "too high defintion", things felt wrong as if the universe was altered in some sort of source code, like when you would mod a game with all of these texture packs to make it look better. I found that I was no long sad about theings like I was before, I also found that aside from saddness I couldn't feel much of anything else, I had lost passion for things I used to love like dance, art, and politics amongst some things, When I would watch things I used to binge or started and loved I found myself feeling wrong about it, with the exception of bojack horseman and some weird horror themed baking show. As soon as the sun would set I would start to feel anxiety as well as when I worked school nights at work, I had a great deal of anxiety about not being able to sleep. Over the months all of this has numbed down to a lot, at the moment my only symptom that I know about would be the fact that throughtout the entire thing I've felt as if this is some sort of false reality and the inablity to feel emotions and passion like I once did, I think I might be able to to an extent as I've lightly cried but havent felt the feeling in the same way, it felt like I was faking it. Notable events of mental illness that have happend to me before were that in the 9th grade my closest and only friend group turned on me and would insult and critisize me at any chance given and in the tenth grade they did the same but with more people with them, both years I had panic attacks about this being a simulation, in the 11th grade I had a new friend group consiting of two people from my childhood and two people I've never seen before, they were also heavily critical but would make fun of me more and took many of my possesions and would either hide them or refuse to return them for until a given period, this didn't result in a simulation panic attack but did result with me beliving that Fallout 4 was real to an extent, if i rember correctly I felt absolutley alone until I started playing and when it was stated that Piper liked an action I preformed, I started playing more and more until the point I thought that the action buttons and quest updates would appear in real life, I only realized it was fake when Nick walked into a tree for five minutes. The reactions I recieved to this was simply being called things like "Retarded" and a "dumbass", reactions I recieved to the simulation anxiety when I told my only good friend was to fuck off because she had enough to worry about, the year prior I was laughed at. The actions continued until the end of the twelve grade even when I asked them to stop for the sake of my mental health. I do apologize for any improper grammar, the overall mess of it all, and anything I've accidentaly left out but I was interupted and have lost my train of thought. I don't know what I expect to come out of this, but what I'm currently feeling about my current situation is that I think that therapy may not help, or that this isn't real, but what I feel the most is that I want to be how I was.