I miss you. Love, Ari

To my mom: My favorite memory of you was when you walked into the bathroom only to find me on my knees with my mascara streaming down my face, my fingers down my throat and the water running to drowned the sound of me purging the last meal I ate. The one you prepared for me. You picked me up off of the cold bathroom tile you pulled me close and hugged me. We both cried. The way it felt to feel secure in your arms made me feel like I was your little girl again, Mom. Crazy how I can surround myself with so many friends and still feel alone but when I'm in the arms of one single woman, the woman who raised me, I dont feel alone. Im sorry I keep dissapointing you and always arguing with you. I love you. I miss you. Love, Ari To my dad: I dont think you know how important you are to me. My friends never had a dad as good as mine. I will always be your little princess. I wish youd pick up th phone and check on me occasionally. I love you daddy and I miss you. Love, Ari To both of my grandpas: With out the two of you things are hard. Watching the dad of my mom and the dad of my dad pass away was hard. Two men who made so much impact on so many people. I feel so blessed to have the two of you in my life at the time I did. But without you im falling apart. Nothing seems right anymore. Everyone is sad and nobody talks about it im scared to death of letting people in because I kno how hard it was to lose you and I dont want to feel that heart break anymore. The worst part is I took advantage of the tome I had with you. And when you were sick I kept my distance because I knew that saying goodbye would make reality hit and id have to face the fact that you would no longer be in my life. But that was my biggest regret not saying goodbye. I love you both and I miss you so much. Goodbye Love, Ari To my old best friend: I hate you for breaking a promise. I hate you for lying to me. I hate you for what you said about me. I hate you for trying to make what you did my fault. I hate you for making me hate you. I hate you so why do I miss you? Love, Ari To Ari: Really? You let the boy who put his hands on you lie you down and take what was so important to you? What were you thinking? You took the drugs handed to you by your 'friend' you lied to your mom about what you were doing. You let yourself drink until you didnt feel your heartbreak and it only got worst in the morning. You believed the lies you heard in the hallways but you couldnt believe the pastor who told you about Gods love. You let yourself form a habbit that could kill you. You let yourself fall apart. You let yourself hurt so many people that meant so much to you. Rememeber what life was like before all of this? When cartoons were the best thing on t.v. and double jumping on the trampoline was the only high that mattered. I miss who you were then. Love, Ari