I want to hear myself think again
I stole this idea from another user, just a place to vent. Feel free to drop your two cents or whatever, the title is a line form my favorite song from a show called shrinking, about a therapist deciding to just be direct and forcibly solve his patients problems. I kinda wish I had that because I have literally no idea how to fix my issues so I'm just gonna post my thoughts and try to figure it out. Maybe I'll get somewhere
@affableTown5581 Trigger warning child abuse, neglect
So I think my issue is making decisions, but I think the fear is making a decision that'll ruin my life. Like it's not that I want other people to make my decisions for me but I don't want to do the wrong thing and end up homeless or in danger that I can't handle. I think it's because when I was a kid my parents just gave up a lot. So we'd go months without utilities or food. And if I made the wrong decision my it'd hurt everybody no one cared that I was a kid. So I had to think about rent and utilities when most kids thought about Legos. So now everything is dire. I can't choose a place to go on date unless I know what my date likes to eat because idk now that sounds silly. Maybe it's just paranoia idk. I think I'm just being dramatic and exaggerating. Actually I'm sure I'm exaggerating. I wonder how I can stop exaggerating so much and just relax.
Sorry to anyone reading this I'm just randomly typing as I think,.if anything is offensive I'll delete the post if asked
@affableTown5581. This is just a copy and paste from my phone notes, sometimes I try to strategize my mental health, I literally never show anyone this so idk her it goes.
Trigger warning me being weird, swearing
Goals
Making a decision despite fear of making a bad one thatll ruin my life
It's ok to make a.wromg call because everything is going to be f***ed no matter what I do.
Do that mental.exercise with everything example
It's ok for me to get a bed because me sleeping on the floor isn't gonna stop my landlord from evicting me
It's ok for me to make a bad decision at work because that's not gonna stop the place form falling apart
It's ok to decide to confront someone becuase their gonna hate me no matter what I do
Learning how to escalate and stand up for myself like mob psycho
(I really wanna leave this out because it feels so cringe but I'm gonna leave it)
Escalating solves problems tip toeing makes them worse
Using chat apps as a replacement for socializing then using podcast as a replacement and the Internet as a replacement for community
I listen to podcast at work all.day becuase there's no sense of community at work
Writers are a good idea for community
I have a fear of being a toxic bully I want to be able to safe in my life but I hope I'm not becoming a s***ty person in the process
@affableTown5581 now that I look back on this i.dont agree with it, I think I just had a negative episode
@affableTown5581 I think I was just losing it in the past, I'm learning to be more mature and grow up. Learning how to earn stuff. My life sucks and it's unfair but thats something I cna outwork. No disadvantage on earth can withstand 100 hour work weeks. Hard to be depressed when you have a six pack and make six figures lol. Superficiality aside I just need to put in the work and stay consistent. I need to stop being codependent also. I notice I turn into a big baby alot and always seem to be seeking pity and approval. News flash no one knows and no one cares, sometimes you gotta lead. So from now on I'm gonna trust myself to lead. I'm gonna stop letting negativity win and I'm gonna stop screwing myself over. I have everything I need to survive the desert of a life but I'm always trying to give what I have to others in the hope that they'll save me. They won't because they never wanted what I have to offer on the first place. Thats something that only holds value to me so I need to stop giving pieces of myself away and start valuing myself and respecting myself. No more half wins, no more doubting I want to win at life without any question on whether I earned it or not. Life isn't horrible unless you let it be.
@affableTown5581 trigger warning, abuse, neglect, depression,.suicide, everything
My vent was so messed up they won't even let me post it lol
What's going on with me?
My thoughts are so disorganized and I take to long to think up larger statements, so I talk in short phrases mostly. My mind just feels empty sometimes. When it comes to interpersonal relations, it is so difficult for me to make friends or to manage friendships. My memory feels like getting worse the more time goes by and it seems it takes my mind too much to retain new information and to keep my focus. I'm afraid my honesty towards other people might be hurting their feelings, and for some reason I need so much stimulation to say what I have in mind or to interact with people, even with the closest ones. I tend to stay quiet unable of thinking of a topic to talk about and I'm always afraid the other one might be feeling uncomfortable about that. I've been feeling so melancholic and very often I talk about saddening things. I feel like I've been making a lot of stupid decisions in my life because I'm too passionate and impulsive. My lack of focus contributes to hurting my image among others, and to degenerating my self-stem. I just want to know what is going on with me. I need to understand better what is all that, organize it all and give it an explanation, cuz I haven't been able to process all of it. Thank you for your time
@HenryGabss oh sorry thought I was creating a new post =P
@HenryGabss no problem at all lol
@affableTown5581 I'm feeling a lot more stable mentally, starting to realize how often I'm in a fog and just plain tired. Now that I'm chilling out I'm started sea things more clearly and how out of it I've been. Nothing is as intense as it used to be and I'm starting to become pretty secure and stable. I'm starting to feel good again. Weird lol