Lets try this out! Diary Entry 1
So, I decided to start this diary thing. Let's see how it goes. Every day I get up and I have my coffee and I write in my journal. But I decided to try doing this entry and actually posting it. People might be interested in how I'm feeling or what I have to say or they can relate to whatever it is that I have going on. I am in a relationship, married for almost 10 years. I have 3 boys. One is mine, one is his, one is ours. Just been going through a lot with everything, with my husband, my kids, myself, I just don't know how I'm feeling these days. I just feel so like overwhelmed, so different, so tired of all the bullshit that's going on around me. My husband and I have been having a hard time with trust, intimacy, communication, lack of attention, disrespect. I'm really trying but sometimes I feel like I check out, like I don't want to deal with this crap anymore and tired. All I want at this point in my life is peace. I don't want confrontation, I don't want to be spoken to like I'm a little kid, I don't want to be reprimanded or scolded, and that's how I feel like he treats me like everything I do is wrong, look what I am doing wrong, you didn't do this, you didn't do that, like I'm just so ungrateful for everything that he does and just tired of it like you can't realize all the stuff that I do. Just tired! I don't want to do this anymore. My kids too I feel like there just ungrateful. I feel so disconnected to everybody in my family right now and it's a little heartbreaking. I know I can change things but I just wish we were more connected doing things together. Maybe it's something that I need to work on.. start planning a little, a couple of activities, just putting them on the calendar for us to do as a family... connect more. Just want them to take the time out to make sure I'm good, make sure I'm OK. I want my husband to want me. I want him to want to put his arm around me, hold me, kiss me, hug me. He says is stress that makes him moody or whatever it is. I just feel like I need a little more adventure in my life, little more excitement.
@aquaWriter5381
hi! thank you so much for sharing this with us! i'm sorry to hear that you're feeling overwhelmed, and how what's going on around you can be causing you stress! having a hard time with trust, intimacy, communication, attention and respect in your relationship sound really challenging to experience, and i definitely understand why you want peace instead of how you're being treated now! the ideas you have sound incredible and it's really evident that you care and are trying to put effort in to making things better and connect more! some more adventure and excitement sounds amazing, and i hope you can get that! this was posted a while ago, but how is everything now? 
⋆ ˚｡⋆✿˚ no rain, no flowers. ˚✿⋆｡˚ ⋆
Thanks so much for responding. Things are OK now. I kinda stopped reacting to my husband and everything going on around me and just don't care anymore. I try to do things that will ultimately make me happy. I feel like of no one cares, why should I. I always try and try to make things better but feel like no one else is putting in that effort. So... I'm physically still here but mentally and emotionally, I'm checked out. Also, I have a son from a previous relationship and I feel like everything that my son has EVER done or continues to do is always a problem. My son is 19 years old now and i feel like he gets the short end of the stick like they say and I'm tired of it. I love him and want things to change but I feel like we have let this go on for too long and not sure if its too late. I can't be the only one trying to fix this. Sorry for the venting. Just have to get it out sometimes.
