Living with Terminal Brain Cancer (Replies are welcome!)
Hey everyone, my name is Morgan. I'm a 25 year old lesbian living on the Gulf of Florida! On December 16th I was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme Stage 4C Terminal Brain Cancer, and B-Cell CLL. If you'd like to learn more about what those are, click on the links provided above!
I'm very outgoing, extremely sweet, and wear my heart on my sleeve. I would give everything I had to everyone if that was possible, and take away every single person's pain. No one deserves to feel alone, hopeless, helpless, and scared. I've been through my fair share of severe trauma, and it's rough, even to this day. If you head on over to my profile, you can see what I struggle with and read more about me 
I absolutely love to write, so be prepared for a lot of poetry in this thread. There are days when I may not be able to post at all due to how sick I am. It really all just depends. The reality of all this, is that, yes, I am dying. (Sooner than most) but, everyone dies eventually. The question you all are probably asking yourself is, "Is she scared?" To answer that, no. I am not. I have done extensive therapy, that I'm still continuing, to prepare me for what's to come.
↡ love ↡
"𝐸𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓎𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑔𝑜, 𝒮𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒." ~ 𝓂.𝓈
With that being said, I decided to share my brain cancer awareness poem that I wrote last year below. Thank you, beautiful humans, for being here, and being alive. I am so proud of you, and YOU MATTER. ♡
~ Grey ~
The phone rings,
The clock dings,
I scream, scream, and scream:
I cant grasp what is real
I cant inhale the lives you steal
This game is like murder in the first degree,
On your knees, begging god to be set free.
I can barely feel the words you're expressing.
Your hand, holding on to mine stressing.
I crawl; I hide behind these moonstone walls,
Walking aimlessly, lost, down the same old halls.
---
I crawl - I remember -
Looking for a dream, where I wear combat boots,
Ready to kill all confrontation with nukes.
---
I am lost, do you know the feeling?
Once you hear, the C word your mind starts spinning.
You cant see whats going on,
Your smile is soon to be gone.
---
LOOK AT ME! Tears streaming while I fight,
Hold on tight, to the dead of this night.
Im down on my fallen knees,
A secret I can't keep, I drop and seize.
Breaking backs when I mention the word C.
Take me, and scatter me into the sea.
Its like getting struck by a freight train,
Over and over, get out of my brain!
---
Now here you are, taking me over.
Is it you or me waiting for the passover?
Heavy shoulders a violin press,
Scared and anxious feelings I repress.
Skin grey tight leather, now you caress,
My eyes are full of tears and pain I cant express.
Grey matters, just like pink.
In excruciating pain, to cope I drink.
My brain is a fire exploding in the dark,
Sweltering me, blazing me, shooting out sparks.
Leaving the world, all grey-ribbon tied.
Dimples and pretty lips, I drop the world and died.
Tears streaming, nose running, I grab tissues.
Filled with grey flowery issues.
This is the way that I feel, I am real…
You are a killer, my life you steal.
PLEASE GOD, I PLEAD FOR MY LIFE!
Thankful for friends to lean on;
And my this beautiful life.
Hiding until you are found,
Youre silent until were in the ground.
---
You sit there and shatter our lives,
As my brain gets stabbed over and over with knives.
Still, we walk together; strolling through grey loving skies.
Even though Im gone, my soul never dies.
Everybodys gone, Im all alone.
You are the undead: a painful groan.
Leading some of us into a watery grave,
Or getting carried away by the wind and the waves.
m.w // Grey // the C word
Copyright Registration #: dMK44BI0GuDr8amH
- Morgs 🕊️|| Everywhere you go, Spread love. ~ m.w 🐺
I am with you on your journey and following your blog now, I am so glad that I have found this and it is truly inspiring. You are so wonderful and welcomed by everyone in our community. I am so blessed that we have crossed paths and I'm sticking with you! I will support you always. Thank you for being here in the community for others to enjoy your chats and posts. Sending you lots of love and prayers! 
@KristinHelps
Aw, Kristin, you melted my heart! Thank you so much. You are such a beautiful human being, with a heart of gold. I am so blessed that we crossed paths as well, and guess what? You're stuck with me too! *hugs you*. Thank you so much for everything you do; not just for me, but for everyone here on 7 cups. Sending you all my love and light. ♡ XO
- Morgs 🕊️ ||
@xoMorgs
You indeed are a beautiful and extremely strong soul. I'm sorry all this has and is happening to you but the way you handle it all and take it in striide is nothing short of amazing and inspiring. I must also say you are a wonderful writer, not just for your beautiful heart-felt poems, but also how you express yourself and beautifully describe events and your emotions. I'm glad that you've shared with us your journey and your beautiful gift of writing. I wish for you the very best, and I also wish much strength and kindness to your loved ones, who all seem to love you very deeply.
@Jeremy93
Thank you so much, Jeremy. You are so kind! Thank you for your beautiful words. ♡ I definitely am fortunate to have so many people in my life who love and care about me, even when I don't feel capable of it. Poetry is how I express myself, or sometimes even others, because sometimes that's all I know how to do. Again, thank you so much. ♡ Sending love and hugs your way!
- Morgs 🕊️ || Everywhere you go, Spread love. ~ m.w 🐺
@xoMorgs Morgan it was great meeting you yesterday. You are a special person and love how you are so full of strength but also love and kindness despite everything. I hope you're feeling a bit better today. Thanks for sharing and I will be following. Much love to you and your friends and family.
@Xavien
Ahhh Xavien ♡ You are special too, I am so glad we crossed paths! Thank you so much, you are wonderful! Thank you for being a part of my life, and my journey. XO ;*
- Morgs 🕊️ ||
My heart goes out to you. It really does. I'm sorry I'm not very good with words but it's truly inspiring to read your posts. You're such a strong, strong soul who's love seem so fierce that it can help you push through the hard moments. I wish you luck with your treatment. I hope you get more peace in the time that you have left. I hope you feel all the love surrounding you. And get plenty of hugs. Take care <3
How're you doing ?
~ BIG CANCER UPDATE ~
Long story short because I didnt stay on top of my doctors office, they failed to call me about my recent blood work so I figured it was the same. Well, I called today and found out it wasnt.
My red blood cell count and platelets are SO LOW that theyre considering it URGENT and my white blood cell count normally is around 8,000 (thats normal for the types of cancer I have), but abnormal for others.
Ive never seen it go above 8,400.
Well, Today, I found out my white blood cell count is 13,793. Ive NEVER seen it in the double digits. Ever.
Long story short AGAIN:
> Brain Cancer is - Stage 2C (Terminal)
> B-Cell Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia is - Stage 4A (98% Terminal due to my brain cancer also)
Im very thankful to my mom, who has been very supportive today but saddened to say she is unable to fly down now and canceled her flight due to COVID and her own personal health issues that shes dealing with. She was coming down to go with me to my appointment at Moffitt Cancer Center on August 6th. She broke the news to me today, and while I am extremely sad; I completely understand due to the circumstances.
We all are extremely overwhelmed right now and sad and frustrated so I ask you to send us healing white light and good vibes (or prayers or whatever you believe in).
Thank you.
XO, Morgs ♡
- Morgs 🕊️ || Everywhere you go, Spread love. ~ m.w 🐺
@xoMorgs I'm very sad to hear that but may God bless you and have a blessed , long , happy and prosperous life . I hope your health gets better very soon :)
Your story should be pinned for all readers to see. If there is ever an example of being courageous and candid about personal struggles, it would be you. I cannot imagine what it has taken/what it took to type out your story and share it with the community. I'm sure there was a lot of trust involved--trust that everyone would listen to you, understand your concerns, and offer support. There was a risk, no doubt, that your story might have been buried and not gotten much attention, or that someone may have said (even if unintentionally) something that came across the wrong way and may have hurt your feelings. Looking back on these posts and the overwhelmingly supportive response a year and a half later, I'm really inspired to see how this community coalesced to create a positive support network for you in your time of need. I hope they gave you the spiritual lift you needed in your time of darkness--especially as the pandemic was raging on, and social isolation may have hurt you more than most.
I want anyone reading this to know that this story is a genuine inspiration to me. My aunt was recently diagnosed with what is likely ovarian cancer, and the fact that this has taken place during the pandemic (which has caused delays in her testing/treatment + has resulted in me seeing her exceedingly little over the past year and a half) has made this situation worse than any other cancer battle I've witnessed. It really was inspiring to see someone demonstrate such courage in her battle, and in particular to express what she endured in light of not being able to see her loved ones due to social isolation requirements. As someone who is personally a bit reluctant to open up and share details of my life with people outside my close inner circle, I was genuinely in awe reading Morg's journey. There really are rewards that can come when you choose to be vulnerable about battles you are facing. I hope anyone reading this knows that, in this small way, Morg's life impacted mine.
Were it not for her willingness to divulge the scariness and uncertainty she dealt with head-on, I might not have been prepared to open up about how anxious I have been and how much I have been fretting over my aunt's condition and the road that lies ahead (as I have elsewhere in this community, as well as through sharing circles).
