《MY DIARY》
I feel that Im making a lot of progress by opening up and doing a lot of writting. My new concerns are many such as my inside voice saying things like stop whinning, or my paranoia telling me not to put all this personal informatiin online. There is a lot more, but I feel the need not to digress into that now. I'm alone right now and I know I tend to over think A LOT! So its best for me to really focus on my little routine. It seems to have been working for about 4 days and then I had a couple hickups; my body hurts to much and I end up with broken up sleep, and a little anxiety, worrying I might not be able to solve the hard daily challenges, and big ones coming up soon! The horrible thoughts when I first wake up takes real efforts until I get going and wake up more. Having physical disabilities and being alone, being broke, and having to find a place to move to, and no help lined up, all make it so hard to believe I can find a way to survive and overcome these challenges. I wanted to start this diary so i can make lists i need such as laying out my routine so i can see it and make adjustments. Making a list of all the things wrong with my apartment in case the landlord tries something illegal I can be prepared to file a complaint in court. Im overwhelmed and afraid of many things that have upcoming time limits. Ive met several helpful people on 7cups so I do have some smart members offering to help me.
I just couldnt sleep much last night so I gave up in the wee hours, and took my diuretic meds early so soon I can be done using the bathroom every ten minutes, and finally catch up on my sleep. I didnt want to write a book right now, but this was an ok start to remind me of important things that need my attention.
Make Lists
I crave a structured living enviroment, so although Im not much of a drinker, I have had periods in my life when I was consuming a 12pack each and every night which became a routine, some mornings at work driving i still felt the effects. So any way; i noticed that nit all sober houses are crazy court mandated type situations and if i could find one tgats just structured enough to encourage a positive routine and positive living, it might be just the thing, but I dont think they are long term (unless maybe I can end up with a counseling jo
It would be perfect as I really thrive when im around others that could use my help. In prison they nicknamed me Teacher which i felt was a honor as I helped as many people as I could when I had my good routine of school workouts and rapping about my life. I had an excellent ability to communicate at all levels and to all types of people. I felt needed and appreciated. This sutuation im stuck living now has been crushing my soul and keeping me bound worse than prison by far. Ive never been as challenged quite like i am now (its because i dont see a way out, so its nit a matter if efforts, its a matter of not having resources to be able to go out and find any social involvment). Im realizing my life experiences have shaped me into a kind but to primitively simple a person which is to rough around the edges; so people are leary. Lets face it, no matter how good i am, i speak the truth and i dont have the average normal stories people are comfortable hearing. Ive been to hell and back, whereas most people in comparison live very sheltered lives. I have a freat skill set, but they are of no use in the woods where i live just stuck by myself
@feelNeglected77 Don't worry, you'll find your way out of the woods, and when you do, you'll be much stronger and better than those living a sheltered life......just ask for help when you really need it
@norawinters2000
Thanks - I'm really trying, but I see many obsticles, some are hang-ups I've developed from the things Ive been through, and much Ive learned. Im damaged, and feel so out of place. I notice a big difference in how I feel better when ever Im away from my home. I only get out for Dr. Visits, grocery shopping, and appointments trying to get help services. Knowing that change of how i feel better when im away from home does inspire me to keep looking for my fit in tge world. 😊
@feelNeglected77
you might feel damaged ,but you will heal. You might feel as if you don't fit in, so go ahead and create a place for yourself where you fit in.....make yourself stronger, and never ever lose hope......
@norawinters2000
Ive never been one to stop looking for a solution to a problem, but several things in my recent past had me searching for years for a solution that just didnt exsist. It took a toll on my hear, my soul, and stoled my will. Ive been at a point now of just exsisting, just painfully surviving. Im past caring (which i had to do) so im not having the crippling anxiety like i was. Ive had to push my final last few friends away because although they might have been trying to help, they easily gave up and came no wgere near comprehending the situation so they wore me down and were making me feel worse. I realize this is my battle to fight alone. But 7cups people who have had tragity suffering and loss are better equipped to comprehend.
@feelNeglected77
I've lost a lot of friends too, but that's my fault cuz I stopped talking to anyone in my class and just keep to myself and pass the hours in a daze..... find something you really enjoy doing and do that.... enjoy your life and if you prefer to enjoy it alone, do it alone. I love reading and it distracts me from reality, and my reality is really bad right now. I had suicidal thoughts and still do, but whenever I feel that way I just pick up a book and get lost in reading......... find something like that which will distract you and make your life brighter!
@norawinters2000
Thanks, yes thats very good advice. I have to stop thinking about it, and just do something like you said. Now-a-days I instinctively go to 7cups and it helps. I get manic and i have learned to use that brain power for creativity. When i dont, it gets bad. Its just that ive nobody to interact with on any level, and when i do, many times they are just so fully of suggestions they havent put any thought into, so the dont realize they almost all take money, or a resource or risk i cant afford to take. Then they turn on me saying i never listen or i have to many excuses. Its insanity and im always kind but most of the time i end up feeling even worse. Are they really that stupid? Yup lol
@feelNeglected77
I'm sorry that you have to go through all of that..... hope it gets better soon
@norawinters2000
I hope you can too. Sometimes It can change for the better quickly like the weather 😊
Blessings my freind!!
Thanks
@norawinters2000
A L W A Y S 🖒👣
