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Modal0154 journal: vol.5

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Modal0154 April 21st, 2020

ᴍᴏᴅᴀʟ0154 ᴊᴏᴜʀɴᴀʟ: ᴏʟ.

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Modal0154 OP April 28th, 2020

"Western civilization has come to a universal agreement that the key to happiness is freedom. It's all we talk about. It is also why the Libertarian-leaning types even think narcotics should be legalized -- after all, shouldn't you be "free" to put anything you want into your own body? The fundamental end goal of all of this s--t we're doing every day -- all the work, all the wars -- is to give people a chance to do whatever makes them happy. So why not this?

But anyone who's watched a friend tortured by withdrawal symptoms knows this is a paradox: the addict is "free" to keep doing drugs, but he's not free to stop doing drugs-- the product came with a built-in chemical mechanism that punishes the user with physical torture if they stop. That's not freedom."--https://www.cracked.com/blog/7-creepy-ways-corporations-are-turning-you-into-addict/ by Jason Pargin a.k.a. David Wong

"This is awful, it's like everywhere we turn there's another godd--n sin to deal with. I mean what the h--l, isn't that frustrating? I mean, s--t, how's a person supposed to live if absolutely every last godd--ned thing is against the rules? It's like every godd--ned sin is a goddamned Catch-22, it's bulls--t."

[apparent source Cracked, "Why Humanity Can't Get Past The 7 Deadly Sins"external_link.gif according to https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ColdTurkeysAreEverywhere even though I don't see those lines on the Cracked article for some reason]

"Hell could invent no greater torture than it being charged with abnormal weakness on account of being abnormally strong'--Edgar Allen Poe, 'The accursed intellect'

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`_` Hay un connecion entre estas tres citas

2 replies
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Modal0154 OP April 28th, 2020

'_' d

Being able to type on here, w/out being too upset about how strange it is to not be able to currently find something as fairly clunky which can only be in so limited a number of places as a Macbook charger.

1 reply
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Modal0154 OP April 28th, 2020

Lo encontre.

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Modal0154 OP April 28th, 2020

If all things improve*/' go consistently', I can see a future trend where unwittingly, it's taken for granted how in demographics it's extroverts who often wind up partnering up, more often wind up partnering up irl and where introverts often wind up partnering up, more often wind up partnering up online

* =_= i.e. esp. social media expression, platforms and internet use being taken far more seriously

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Modal0154 OP April 28th, 2020

No mad trabajo por internet.

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

no ma*s*..

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020
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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

I always feel more myself without facial hair.

Increased ugliness ~2 weeks

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Annoyance is how neither my case manager or higher-up have sent back responses about theverification of faxed documents etc or the acknowledgement of recieving my final work log etc.

The drag it must be for growing vocalists to be cautious to not consume too much which has lactose b/c of how it might interfere w/their singing.

1 reply
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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/world/how-new-zealand-eliminated-covid-19-after-weeks-of-lockdown/ar-BB13kaQG?li=AAggFp4&ocid=mailsignout

"We will do all we can to ensure we fight the economic impacts of the virus in the same way we did the health threat," Ardern said on Tuesday. "With unity, with fast support, by looking after each other."

=_= A.k.a. the more relevant to non-scientists, upcoming pain in the a-- which will still make for judgy and dangerously stubborn old ppl at work(places).

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

To do

Banal

Verify things with case manager

" " workplace higher-up

Call Apple about uninstalling unchageable passcode since 'Comp portal' install

" " about Apple ID recognition on computer

Maybe actually pay for iCloud stuff

Bank stuff

Excel stuff

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Less banal

Look through outcomes related to dating website

Paint back of large pages/sheets of paper

9 replies
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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Chromecast

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

To do some Excel stuff, I might have to wait until later this week.'Jumping through red tape hoop verification' and Apple stuff is what mainly remains.

Annoyance is not finding those yoga balls on my mind while I have time. I don't feel exactly energized to paint yet.

6 replies
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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Encontre las bolas de yoga

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Idea de siger esto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDapEum3j9k&list=WL&index=7&t=0s mientras que uso fotos de Kenny G. o otro recuerdo de los 90's.

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

-- case manager 'not thrilled' by me not looking into CERB. Honestly I'd rather apply for it for a June phase whence no paystubs will be incoming if this annoyance doesn't bounce back to the early week state when we didn't really think this would catch on but you still saw increased mask use, hygiene encouragement and shopping increases. Difference is we know the little cuss exists and has made an active streak of impact. The stupidity which is being put in risky work positions under the usual jacka-- overaged policies of apathy, b/c humanity can't globally fallow for ~+24 months lest our classism starts making us self-harm..

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=_= ....

-- need to essentially 'factory reset' my phone

--Apple ID network not being recognized or factory reset my phone: which one first?..

--'recreationally': comcast

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The Apple representative was sweet but the lack of leeway to my questioning made me think they were in a rush as if they meant to use the washroom soon or a break was around the corner. Don't really blame them given my experience in that wretched line of work

Spoke to the library's IT to the same person yesterday. An 'I told you so' undertone to how I'm going to need to factory reset my device to resolve this nonsense about inputting a passcode =_= every time the screen goes off on it's own every several seconds-- something I can't even change

>: I It was in the instructions!, let me friggin guess =_= ?!, I'm commited enough to follow a d--n set of instructions to a tee, and I apparently am the only one winding up w/this issue out of a staff of 100's, due to the insistence of a fool who under-uses certain facial muscles ?!.

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At 1 p.m I'm expecting a call about medical documents finally being faxed.

The part of me which feels like calling you all a--holes for the lack of responses to someone who's friggin well, undeniably active and this time more comprehensivable/relatable this time. This place is a joke for validation and that's f--g saying something >:I !. The f--k is sympathy for a bunch of immature, flighty, uncommited, irresponsible s--ts possible !?.

3 replies
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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Mi energia para pintar

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

Dog won't eat. Dog won't walk.

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=_= What is it about being 'one of the commited ones' which means neverending streak of revealing problems ?.

'_' d No more work 'until we meet again'/ things 'normalize'.

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Modal0154 OP April 30th, 2020

It was immature, unfair, uncalled for and undeserving.

I am apologetic.

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Modal0154 OP April 30th, 2020

'-' d

nigh- 'all of the above' is done

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

For all the things I've learned about how gender isn't really a thing, patriarchy, feminism etc..

I tell myself how a fair amount of women not only older ones but w/in my own age demographic still have prospects/expectations based on old concepts of masculinity*

to my chagrin..

*and I don't only mean the toxic elements

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Modal0154 OP April 29th, 2020

'_' d Those moments, waking up earlier than my sister and playing music on a speaker which is different from her gospel like music choices.

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Modal0154 OP April 30th, 2020

Hay una tentacion mientras que estas aprendiendo a como dibujar en solo dejar las ojas de papel como papel de chatara que mira bien.

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Modal0154 OP April 30th, 2020

Postminimalistic music

Postimpulsative music

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

@Modal0154

Just b/c a person might be a 'painful ethno-cliche' doesn't mean they're wrong. Years ago my high school co-op teacher, an Italian* female who I gave me something of a hard time/ I didn't really get along w/ was hearing out some other about 'the nonsecular'.

She brought up eventually how she doesn't follow religion and why. She brought up how being Italian she grew up w/Catholicism but in her opinion there is something cultish about any religion , but to be fair she brought up how interesting religion is as a phenomena and how it can be benefical in some ppl's lives.

* I can go on tangents about/read accounts on unpleasant experiences w/Catholicism, having been in a nonpublic school board and persistent demographics etc

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She might have been 'painful ethno-cliche' doesn't she wasn't right. To be rather candid I agree with her. 75%+-80% agree with her; all the density of sacred literature and surrounding nigh-academic tomes, history and accomodating 'admin' for it (ex.clerics) but 'the baby in the bath water' is nearly always a cultivation of mindfulness which 'reveals' itself differently for everyone, for any one individual**.

What we might but seeing things in a nonreligious way is any less sensible than seeing things in a religious way. Even nontheistic religions aren't exempt; that debate and the insistence but Stepford smiler like host of the meditation retreat for me to stay unfortunately comes to mnd. I gave a lot of reasons related to language and the neccesity of past experience in contrast to the variable epistemic irresponsibility he was using to weave via a 'but we're trying to teach you to be in present' justification before that d--n 'you need to stay here line' and it's shock coming from someone who probably wasn't aware of how I'm a Hamiltonian and not local TO resident.

......

The decorum and decked out ritualism which comes w/a nontheistic Dharmmic religion like Buddhism is an ancient Indic accrument is what I mean to say^4..the religion can be dang uncanny in it's successes at experential sustainability but there's a reason why secular Buddhism declares itself a thing seperate from say the Theravada, Mahayana or Tibetan denominations, say. I'm aware of this. I'm aware of this but am still gladdened by seeing cross-pollination btw Buddhist monastics and cognitive scientists in about the same way I'm gladdened to see cross-pollination btw Abrahamic hermeneutic scholars and historians say.

**Kant

*** William James

^4 'the cultish element'

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

On the one hand as important as a fair amount of that stuff has been to I hate myself, I self-loathe at times for being in a world which will either (i) laugh a/o ridicule me obnoxiously, (ii) give scowly faced apathy to hearing how your are glad to think this is important..

When so much ppl, nonsecular lense or not live in a sphere often veering near d--n toxic existential hedonism not the least when you think money is the only shared basis for action/final cause, it's likely to happenLife perpetually, 1000's of years of human history spent barely every caring to live consistently beyond a 'level ~2.5' on 'Fowlers stages of faith development' b/c of the 'have and have-nots' shlock-ish struggles and prejudices I've gone on ad nausem on before. When so much ppl, nonsecular lense or not live in a sphere often veering near d--n toxic existential hedonism not the least when you think money is the only shared basis for action/final cause.

or (iii) (most painfully) a self-acknowledged that religion 'is a joke' in the sense that your not really expected to take it too seriously in terms of purpoted finality and certainty^5..

^5 =_= even if you f--g claim infinity itself is on the line/present..why I prefer art to religion *in a sense*.

..you wind up feeling like an idiot who in costume to a party which wasn't a costume party..and wonder how mistaken you were to ever take any of this seriously, any of this w/commitment.

When so much ppl, nonsecular lense or not live in a sphere often veering near d--n toxic existential hedonism not the least when you think money is the only shared basis for action/final cause..you run back crying to how 'the baby in the bath water' is mindfulness.

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But then there are unwitting beneficial outcomes like community,

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

Wasn't there a season 'American horror story' (hive(?)) not too long ago about cutlish-ness and the 2k16 U.S. election?..

That line she said about cultishness, that line she said about cultishness though has stuck with me over the years..

..when it comes to barriers socializing..

the cutlish-ness isn't really totally relevant to say theology or purported ontology as much as it's ultimately about the psychology of following. Organized worship/devotion in contrast to *individual* personal conviction and maybe

when it comes to barriers socializing..look I have a lot of issues, English or otherwise saying F R I E N D ..

I'm glad if anyone says it as a compliment to me but can't accept it. Not really. I can be accomodating, cooperative and maybe even 'easy to get along with' in terms of behaviour..

..but even if I get past all my prejudices (racial, ageist, if someone is overall unpleasantly irresponsible or toxic to be around etc),judgements and misgivings..as evident as it is to me in terms of a barrier to intimacy..don't count on me saying f r i e n d or the like.

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

Religions--cults--organized groups/ instituition of a sociomechanistic flavour--groups--

~ groups: friends (at best), cliques (at worst) ..individuals who apparently spend enough time w/one another in consistent authentic interest without finding the other to be unlikably banal or the like , hypothetically never on a 'means to end' basis like the pursuit of some transaction ~

=_= and that d--n Nelson Muntz style laugh from childhood of apparently justified ridicule not only from other pre preteens but from a fair amount of jacka-- adults who w/self-satisfaction never sought to develop 'intrapersonally+' (w/religion or not) after ~+105,120 hrs/ ~12 years

..and the f---k--rs are going to make most of the world's composition in terms of meeting expectations and engaging with scarcity..

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

That's not to say of final changes/death, responsibilities and the idiotic, self-contradicting, counterproductive self-deception of apathy which almost never declares anything to be important but that which is desired.

Tanha or Avidya anyone ?..

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Modal0154 OP May 19th, 2020

https://tricycle.org/magazine/introduction-teaching-your-children-buddhist-values/ ;

Majjhima Nikaya, sutta 61

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Admito a algo de 'terapia de compras*' despues de caendo a mal habito como acercandome a pornografia.

* por ejemplo comprando articulos de arte

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

Splitting hairs btw family or community

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

I think that one thing I meant to say was I justify to myself not having friends with the a similar kind of, the same kind of fear as that which comes w/cults. Peer pressures and it's dangers, not having your personal boundaries respected and violated, consequent uncomfort and the corniness and consequent ridicule a/o judgement for being vocal about this

..and needing to stomach through through who on a scale of -10 to 10 might never really trigger interest beyond +~2.5 ..

5 replies
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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

This is why saying 'your not suppose to care about what others think' seems like such a lie..having friends means by definition patient enough with others b/c you care about them, doesn't it ?.

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Modal0154 OP May 6th, 2020

If I always think of things in terms of 'the negate-tive', I form definitions based on non-presence but it's anxious to hold onto when you don't have experience.

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Modal0154 OP May 9th, 2020

I constantly judge in that my trust esp. inter-relationally is always up for wavering.

Algunos llamarian esto fear.

2 replies
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Modal0154 OP May 10th, 2020

I don't believe that ppl who have mental health issues should be in relationships.

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I would be powerfully p.o'd at the next idiot who says ~"ppl who journal or have diaries don't have lives" >: I

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Modal0154 OP May 10th, 2020

Now I hope, you sure as frig didn't take that at face value*. That was a reply behind my eyes to a question an OT asked me years ago but to take it as an absolute is to miss out/ignore so much of what else I've done/written here which would highlight how uncharacteristic it is of me to say that..

..of course, it ultimately points and reflects on my own insecurities specifically and broader anxieties on not being able to provide b/c goodness forbid me from being destroyed in an any less neurodiverse espousing world/ sum of all my social interactions ((my) reality).

* hello actual reader/ possible validator of experience !

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Modal0154 OP May 5th, 2020

'Limpiando casa' en que e poniedo en diaros en otras platformas aqui

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Modal0154 OP May 5th, 2020

Actually going through the catagorizing motions of posting o.g. date etc might take too long for my taste at this point etc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeGEv0YVLtw&feature=youtu.be&t=1687

~28:20-28:50, 'Men. Abuse. Trauma. | Philosophy Tube ★'

"If all of human knowledge is like a library that we can borrow from or add to, then when men don't put these kinds of stories on the shelves nobody can borrow them. We all miss out on the intellectual resources necessary to understand and take control of these sorts of experiences when they do happen. That's why Terry Crews' work [highlighting his sexual abuse] is so important, visibly being a man who has been hurt. And not hurt in the Batman sense of, "IT'S MY PAAAAIIIIN. IT DEFINES WHO I AM!" but hurt in the sense that this should not have happened and we can't move on; we can only move forward with it. It's righting what in philosophy we would call an 'Epistemic Injustice'.

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Modal0154 OP May 7th, 2020

11-17-2k19 entry

"This wasn

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Modal0154 OP May 9th, 2020

https://twitter.com/ofgrambotology/media

the cover picture for this is hilarious xD !

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Modal0154 OP May 9th, 2020

Considering moving my DA content onto a less distracting platform like Instagram

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Modal0154 OP May 9th, 2020

Having used and cancelled use of the 'match.com' it's neat to how given how similar 'building a profile' was to Bumble it makes me think how their might be 'a template' or something to that effect for dating apps not unlike how Wikipedia's 'wiki-' template can be used for more specific 'wiki's' on say Pokémon, the MCU, The Tolkien mythopia etc.

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Modal0154 OP July 19th, 2020

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/OpentoanyrepliesDiaryofPolaris2088_207980/1/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Polaris2088opentoreplies_209546/1/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/DiaryofModal0154opentoreplies_213299/1/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Modal0154journalopentoreplies_212443/1/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Modal0154journal3_215865/1/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Modal0154journalvolIV_219043/

https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Modal0154journalvol5_221207/

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