My diary

I cut my hair really short today and I honestly feel great, more comfortable with how i look. I used to think I was too feminine to be non-binary and just generally didn't like how i looked, so I chopped a whole lot of it off and i'm much happier.

I found out that if you like need to look in the mirror every time you enter a room that has one, it's a sign of ptsd. it shows that you're hyper vigilant about most things and how people preceive you as a person. pretty crazy right?

im tired, like really tired, but i dont wanna sleep

i need help

sh-ing has been really tempting lately, and i just dont know how to stop thinking about it

i dont know what to do

Merry Christmas! i'm working on my friends' and girlfriend's gifts, i'm planning on giving them out either tmr or on teh 26th. I really just need to paint and package the things and we're good to go! though, i'd have to make some extra candies, i dont think i have enough yet. anyways, hope you have a good day/night to anyone who reads this

haha watch me do the slide of the sewers on new years, but to fuck with my family

i didn't do it :P i did talk until 4 am with a su*c*dal person to go to sleep because he was tired with my girlfriend and then we fell asleep together on a seperate video call.

im tired and i dont want to go back to school... i hate it here

i didn't even start my project due at midnight... im tired and already depressed for the upcoming term...

i hate it here

i feel it getting bad again. im tired but am not able to sleep, i keep getting shitty flashbacks and imagining the worst cases possible. i have this feeling of dread and nothing really amuses me again. talking with people (through text ovbiously) has become more of a chore than anything.

im tired and i hate it here

this is why i dont like getting good things in my life, they all just leave eventually and im left with this hollow shell of a body.. i hate this.

im a bad partener... i hate it here

I'm not really sure if my words make sense to you

But I can't really find Any other way to form these feelings into cubes

And sort them in my mind

The negative thoughts go on the left

And the happy things on the right

And there's a little corner saved just for you

Please let me know if you change your mind

Cause inside I'm falling

And I need you to pull me out of this decline

I realise how hard on you this must seem

But trust me When I say its far, far worse for me

Please, please be here for me dear

Cause I've never needed a friend more

And I cant stress enough how much it means to me that you're trying

And I don't mind if you can't hold me like you used to

Cause I've never hated myself more

But this is just a bump in the road and I promise I'm trying

Give me a moment to get my cards in line

Cause I'm still trying to figure out

In what kind of order I should set them out

If there was a way to explain everything without a word

I'd have a full house right now without a doubt

I'm trying to tear the wool from your eyes

But a part of me wants to let you be

Cause then you wouldn't see what I've become

I'm trying to shout but no sound comes out

It's like we're in a dream state

But I should've woken up, woken up by now

Please, please be here for me dear

Cause I've never needed a friend more

And I cant stress enough how much it means to me that you're trying

And I don't mind if you can't hold me like you used to

Cause I've never hated myself more

But this is just a bump in the road and I promise I'm trying

https://youtu.be/wwLMOUp5K4A

I promise I'm trying by Cavetown

i relapsed last night

i hate it here

i messed up bad and im close to relapsing, i've been 3 days clean though

i fucking hate my shitty head

i hate myself so fucking much why the fuck am i even here??

i hate this

i hate myself

i hate it here