My little rant zone

So I went out to a church camp retreat this weekend, as a teenage atheist girl. All in all had a fun time, but I'm here to complain rn. So I'm the 5th oldest there and there's 7/8 teen and unders, two are baby's one of them only came out during the day hence the / and they laugh real loud and it echoes, so that gives minor stimulation issues (if it gets too loud or there's too many different sounds competing I have a unnoticeably small panic attack). Then there's the three other younger ones who are my neighbors kids and my little brother, so my brother and the older neighbor boy ( both around ten)get along great and that's great, but the neighbors girl is 8 but acts 5/6 and loves me and I do my best to be a good role model and hold her hand when we walk up for meals and talk to her and engage in things that I don't like doing so that she can have fun, but today I just got tired and easily irritable so had to try to work with that.

( Adding spaces so it's not a long block of text( adding annotations to explain stuff to literally nobody) ) And sleeping wasn't working out, and it's church and I don't believe in that bs but Im not going to say that, and the other teenagers that are boys that go to the same school as me, which is expected cus it's one church and our mom's are friends ( and his mom came and saw my mom in labor with me the day after he was born, so that's a fun story to tell) but things get awkward because I'm the weird kid.

So I come back from camp and in tired and done with dealing with crap, but then I have to make dinner and I don't want to and I'm tired and really angry and that might be a pms symptom but I have no clue if it is or if I'm just tired.

TW

The su!c!dal ideation has kicked in again.

Don't want to directly tell the GC cuz then it's just a cry for attention but do want you to notice

@sneakysnakeboi @princetomyanxiety

Just had a pretty sh!tty weekend at camp. I haven't had a good sleep yet this year because my mom packs our schedules so I don't think I will have a weekend to rest until halfway through February so that's fun. Add the no sleep with period mood swings and my suspected BPD we have a human time bomb. So I start crying when people try to teach me how to play the ukulele, which I was peer pressured to do. And when it comes time to clean up I'm tired and want to go home and don't want to have to do more than my share of work but I'm older then most of them so I "have to be a good role model" so I'm sweeping like the whole back room and I have to get under the beds and I scraped the back of my hand on the bottom of the metal bed frame and I just started yelling but censoring myself for the younger girls and they looked at me, which *** me off so much and for no good reason.

Also the food I have eaten over the last three days has been a school piece of pizza, a Wendy's 4for, one and a quarter grilled cheese sandwich, a cup of chicken soup and a school portion of rice checks.

I literally told my mom that my social battery had all but ran out yesterday, then I went to school and then there was drama club and that takes out like a third of my social battery on bad days. And then we pick up my friend and not even when we get home, we're still in the car, and she asks me if my room is clean enough to put the air mattress in, not if I'm fvcking ok with having it in there but if it's fvcking clean enough. NO OFC ITS NOT FVCKING CLEAN ENOUGH, I DON'T WANT OTHER PEOPLE SLEEPING IN MY ROOM, or in my house but that has to happen. And I say that it's not clean, wishing that will save me, but her fvcking response is ok then we'd better clean it before we get tired. By we she means me. So now I have to do it and I still haven't put my laundry away from like Tuesday so that's on my fvcking bed taking up space so I can't even lay down properly, and now there's an air mattress on my floor and I can't even get around it. I think she may have mistaken me silently sharing my ongoing obsession with shiny *** with them as me having anything left in my social battery but that was absolutely wrong and now I have another person in my room that I have wanted to kick their head an unmeasurable amount of times tonight. Their breathing pattern is annoying and I have to wear pjs that have ridden up to my fvcking knees and all I want to do is scream.

Small one rn

The inside of my shoes feel very smooth and it's giving me minor sensory issues

Also I am feeling slightly manic but as there were no people around to mess with it decided to be productive, but no I'm in school with nothing to do so yeah

My friends are fighting I can't know if they've made up an IRL every time between when they fight or not because I'm not with them and I can only see what they type to each other and our musical is in two weeks and we don't have our *** together and like half of our lead cast is missing and some of my friends are like well I could take over no you can't wear freshmen and you suck an acting I'm sorry but you suck and I can't tell them that cuz that would hurt their feelings and like the two of my friends are doing it and they're both chaos Gremlins and it's so annoying and I am so *** stressed and I can't catch a break, when I come home at 6:00 being away from 7:00 in the morning to 6:00 tonight and I have to have dinner and then my dad's like well I'm doing the dishwasher and you need to go do your laundry don't have any time to spare and it's so frustrating I can't do this.

Hey

I'm tired and stressed

My musical is in less than 2 weeks and stage crew just started coming today and we just got our sets and I wasn't here when we learned a song and now I don't know what to do because I'm one of the 5 tenors, and lots of people are talking backstage.

Yea this is going to be a GREAT show

Hi so I kinda disappeared for a month and I'm adding something to the thread so I can find it later

I'm going to the elementary school today at 8:30 and I couldn't remember if it was at 8 or 8:30 so I had mild anxiety about that, and we're staying there until 1:30 so I don't know when they're going to feed us lunch, but it's fine I'm sure they will.

Two new updates

I smell garlic chicken skillet meal and that's not what we have in the oven and we haven't had it in months, so idk what that means

And I'm going with my mom to church for "Holy Thursday" whatever tf that is