Notebook Entry #98421 & #98422

My mind the last 24 hrs, perhaps longer.. there are more words but these are all I feel I can share:

It hurts like nothing I could ever imagine
Or want anyone to endure
I fight on, the good fight as they say
It's all loud and isolating
Very difficult to work
My way out
Of when it all feels so distant, a long shot
If you will
I don't know how to tell anyone
Or want to make them worry
About me
This loudness is overwhelming
I want to hide in the arms
Of the one who won't walk away
So I can feel something
That is inviting
Rather than what I'm feeling right now
Less than human you could say
Would you let my bury myself in your embrace
And just cry until I'm feeling safe

▪▪▪

I hold on because I don't want to disappoint anyone that knows me
Yet they've all but walked away I know they are their own person
But you know what
I disappoint myself the most for holding on
Where what I've come to understand is
That I'm not wanted in this whatever the f**k it is, world perhaps
I don't honestly know
People say that letting go will set you free,
I'm beginning to understand what that means and I know noone will ever
Think twice about me after I'm gone
No one ever has in both friendship and of course love
Except one, however
So why would they start now

- Ink