Open Diary of Noelle
December 21st, 2017
Today seems to be one of the better days. I haven't cried, or got too wound up just yet.
But it is only 2:30PM, so, we'll see.
I started the day of a tad later than I would have liked, but I caught up on all of my lists (I have a set on Google Keep and a paper/pen daily planner) and ate something before 4PM.
Going to try to stay in the kitchen with the windows open, letting the fresh air come through. I find the cool air and sunlight are rather helpful to my mindset. Hell now that I think about it I could go on a walk today, before it gets too dark & cold. I normally walk with my mother, but she and my sister are sick as dogs currently. I've been quarantining myself to my room mostly these past few days. I've not fallen victim to the sickness. Not yet.
Feeling slightly accomplished and slightly... well... slighted, I didn't blow up something super simple into a huge argument with my boyfriend today. (Again, it's only 2:40PM) I kinda just gave up and let him tell me how I was doing something wrongly. It still hurts, and I'm rather displeased, but I'll get over it. Normally he tells me repeatedly for a long while and I'm arguing back. Our words go right over each others' heads though. He always says that I am always trying to be right... but if that was the case, and we took a step back to look at it that way... I'm never even allowed to be right. Oh well, though. I don't know where our feelings started to get lost in translation, but I'd certainly like them to find their way back. He always talks about how I used to be and what I used to do... like, buddy, I know lol, I hate myself rn too.
I'd like to end this on a positive note though... I didn't mean for this to get as awkward as it did, so here a cringey poem:
Roses are red,
Violets are violet,
I just wanted a laugh,
Does anyone know the Heimlich?!
December 22nd, 2017
I had a little tantrum yesterday like I intended not to, but I think I got over it fairly well and picked myself back up quickly. Today would be a 'better day' in sense of tears... but I was in bed until 5PM, simply sleeping. I was sad, and tired, and didn't want to move, or exist.
My boyfriend wanted to call and try to talk to me, because his voice always makes me feel better... but I couldn't even bring myself to allow him to call until much later.
I got up and did some physical labor - took apart a bed frame - and swept the kitchen. The only thing I ate today was dinner, a baked potato. I think I'll drink tonight; it is Friday, after all, and I'm feeling a lot better.
I've been dealing with my disobedient & disrespectful 12 y/o sister all day, trying to teach her a sliver of respect for her room, and what cleanliness is. Making me sad, because she's so rude and aggravating. I just want to help her, but she doesn't want to learn at all.
Oh well. Time to work on Xmas gifts. I'm excited. (: S/O is flying in tomorrow night, pumped!!
Anyway, happy holidays, nerds! 