Open to any replies:A diary of Polaris2088
No shame in starting again in a different place, different from the virtual space previously. No shame in not knowing how it would be used or how often.
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When you wonder if pouring yourself into sacred words and/or breathing exercises will prevent or change how you perform at work tomorrow..if your sincerity to such blissful practises is compromised b/c (albeit nowhere as 'full-fledged' as before) it's coming out of an area of anxiety/worry, fear and the dread of guaranteed guilt if you f--k up at the little menial things you like doing but which you s--k at adjusting to once a few adjustments are put in (in my case looking up emails on non-break time).
=_=............rrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeaaalllllllllyy hoping my dad doesn't come home drunk.
I don't do self-confidence.
Forgot to buy deodorant and mistook body wash for shampoo.
Do I go into platitudes b/c my dad isn't sober?. Platitude complaints?.
Upon finishing the art course
(i) I can graciously remain w/a scheduled two days and eventually ascertain that on both days I am partnered up..
(ii) there will be an increase in days I work, maybe even including ones on which I am not partnered up..
I hate how..
24 hrs
40%+* sleeping..(waking up at 10:30(?),11:00(?))
15% 'wake up rituals' (using the washroom, brushing teeth, eating, sporadic checks onto this site and internet..not included by criteria but b/c of occurence in time span)--11-1:30 p.m.,walking dog 1st time)
30% 'shopping'/consumeristic based activity (buying non-recreational things, plus the logisitical hassle and biking to and fro from area to area..I would also include going to the bank on here)
~1:30(?)-6:00(?),6:30(?)
10% (Return, barely unpack and snack before dog walking 2nd time) 6:30-7:30(?) or less(?)
7:30(?)-10:00
'admin' stuff of looking through how much I spent, trying to scrounge for food thankfully, prepare food for animals
10:00+ to now
attending to non-sober dad..
*the percentages are based on sensation not actual calculation..
=_= Now this is the pt.
where ppl I judge to have hostility towards* would ridicule and/or judge me on the menial, unskilled things I did today. Not too colourful and flashy as need be to be accepted consistently into the upper-tier of the 7.5+ billion strong hairless ape 'family' but still 'valid' to me, not exempting me from judgement as 'boring' or 'loser' etc et al..
..no me cae bien haciendo esto >:I !.
*tactless, apthetic self-deceptive, 'underemployed working class blue collar' ppl, Caucasian or not
@Polaris2088
Just want to say that I really admire the fact that you consistently write what feels relevant to you, whatever it may be.
@frigidstars27
about this..despite current problems...I'd like to say how even risking how you might not see this 'star27'..the way I write things at times, I admit is to get others person's attention...the connection btw boredom/despair and depression is too bare..the connection btw stagnation and depression is too there...
........I'm starting to really hate the cliches of 'teens w/no life' being the only ones who purvey such sources like this site..
....if I 'touch' someone to be more active and care..if I reduce that seemingly infinitesimally amoung 7.5+ billion when there is a future when so many will be so many +45 in age and that will become the reall reason for overpopulation* and we have to do w/explosively dense tedium bare ugly, old attitudes at the risk of being fired, ostracized, not having access to services..if I reduce the noncaring...I will feel that more..sure..sure of what I am glad for..this wretched thing called attention.
*staying alive longer rather than others esp. in postindustrial areas having apparently 'excessive' numbers of children..
Won't deny impulse for 'cheesecake' like content, like w/yesterday and functioning w/my functional addiction...won't deny being ticked off by how there are barely more than 20 minutes remaining of this day on my end/time-zone..
will have to go to work soon...hate that I wasn't able to do art..struggle of, that is going to sleep..
'a true Canadian' would bare w/going to sleep even w/the sunset-less days on end in say the Artic circle..;I
i)Phillip Glass, ii) Chrono cross based imagery and iii) Vaporwave aesthetic
Project theme: stuff related to music I like..w/ ii) *the soundtrack*
