Open to any replies:A diary of Polaris2088
No shame in starting again in a different place, different from the virtual space previously. No shame in not knowing how it would be used or how often.
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Speculative estimate.
I'm in a precarious position for tomorrow.
I mean to meditate. I will likely obsess to meditate. But I don't know if internet will still be around for following internet exercise videos b/c if I go biking I'd like to do w/purpose and that likely means going west towards Westdale AND still finding a place to print files related to 'project 2' while likely adjusting the finally settled upon pictures..
then practise..
~2:12 .p.m. EST Beginning of a *new* winter or at least it's snow.
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*Sigh* =_= Whem you feel misunderstood and judged by someone deeper into Buddhism than you.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Buddhism/comments/dr64kw/buddhist_perspective_on_animalpest_control/
Wifi-less time is meaningful time.
*Sigh* Main head phones probably left in glove compartment =_= .
@Polaris2088
If it's just a stray insect here or there, I'll usually either pick it up and move it outside (usually with a glass or piece of paper) or ignore it if it's not bothering me. I've been lucky in not having to deal with anything more than that.
This mentions using a vacuum cleaner, which I hadn't thought of. Otherwise, seems to emphasize cleanliness, but like you said it's pretty outside of your control.
https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/kill-impulse-compassionate-solutions-your-favorite-pest/
@frigidstars27
'_' Thank you solidly for the link.
@Polaris2088
B/c of an uncomfortable experience w/a social assistance representative 'on hand', I will try to ask the same questions again tomorrow albeit to the person I'm specifically assigned to. I mean to ask the same questions again tomorrow albeit to the person I'm specifically assigned to.
Better out sooner than later. Better expressed sooner than later. Risk and all it's ugliness 
.
@Polaris2088
"From caring comes courage." - Lao Tzu .
My wi-fi access has been compromised for a few days but has the site adjusted it's ft's/settings like no longer having 'feeds' (?) were members can post ?..
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The thumbnail and scrolling through the article got my attention. I know that 'the masked singer' is an Americanized take on an E. Asian TV show of sorts, and as hokey as some might think the thumbnail w/Nick Cannon is, it's one of those things which makes me wonder how if I was 1/4 of my current age, how much more enjoyable it'd be b/c of the novelty.
@Polaris2088
My pt. being it's nice to know how a show like 'Masked singer' can find an audience and become meaningful to someone.
=~=..when your baring w/a parent's non-sober 'mostly monologue'..
@Polaris2088
When you realize nothing how no internet means increased likelihood of baring a parent's non-sober monologues..
What I notice happens when you settle on an intrapersonal space where you can understanding the bareness and activities of your mind is that the combination of scarcity,admin and logistics (bill paying, understanding paperwork, allocating time to submit relevant 'red tape' etc) either increases in weight/fear-inducing-ness or it doesn't change.
The pt. of me which wonders if this counts as a 'double bind', why shouldn't I call it a 'double bind'.
@Polaris2088
b/c the question is have you become any better at coping w/all the trouble you can expect from doing red tape?.
@Polaris2088
I risk precious data plan 'bytes' going onto here and clearly the last two-ish postings can be traced back to yesterday's experiences.
Still wanting to be an art hermit .f.y.i. .
..expecting non-sober dad..
@Polaris2088
Verified.
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Self-pity is 'darkest fuel'.
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all. Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."-'Ode on a Grecian urn', John Keats
..the sort of quote you can't risk telling to stupid, judgemental ppl.
In less than 50 minutes..'lapse' + dangerously low cell data remaining;WiFi installation tomorrow.
B/c no 'Wim Hof superpowers' = bloody hate winter..
When you are in a sad state that you admit to arguable ‘purchasing/shopping therapy after wallowing in an addiction for a while b/c so little will give you enough initiative to leave the home for a while; that you run the risk of spending ~$0.57 for chalk or ~$7.00 for high end art ink, supplies which you may nary use again ‘floats by b/c of the inherent subjectivity of your endeavour (art).
I remind myself (i) there is a difference btw making angsty mullings a part of your identity b/c you (a) ‘you are ill, (b) you are 'post ill' and (ii) you choose to ‘b/c theres nothing better to do and (iii) doing (ii) and being able to, spending ability to *justify* it..
*the hateful fact that it still presents a demonstration of how things dont change/improve or improve via changing while your forced to put ‘yourself through the motions of contrived automaticity which isnt even healthy b/c what is demonstrated by how things dont change/improve or improve via changing is how it todovia es un cuestion acerca de algun m—a que se llama auto-acceptacion.
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The 3-7-2k19 ~12:30-12:35 comments here..
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=52312&p=8182934&hilit=+organized+despair#p8182934
I was quoting Bruce Lee on the 'organized despair' definition
'Golden despair' -- 'Planet eater' Ghidorah ;/
It annoys me how often a person can ask to know certain swear words when hearing about how someone knows another language. Its really only reflective of their heavy lack of understanding of how philosophical differences are present in the intentionality of ‘dirty and ‘fighting words b/c even if you do find ‘common grounds in insults to kyriarchy, scatology and sexuality* you might, it might help you to think twice about
To (i) think about how often such words would be coupled w/a deragotory phrase against your attributes WHILE someone has enough of a problem w/you to physically beat on you b/c of what you might assume about the pressures of their living circumstances..
(ii) how in a sense, you are taking it for granted that you are ‘expecting to remain as .. in beng able to have a temperament inflamed and as disrespectful as ever..the latter is a bigger risk and an ignorant one to take at that, b/c of the loss, the pity that is trying to understand some others who dont always share the same sort of understanding as you (not only b/c of variable scarcity levels) and who might actually gain ‘to love,to grow fond of which is a bigger risk ;I ..to grow and become more patient w/others which is a bigger risk
(iv)..how about asking the translation for joke and going from their instead
(v) I say such things knowing well how btw the ‘f bomb and a fair amount of other sharp adjectives and nouns, the translations into dubbed Spanish in movies is usually reducible to ‘the same 3-4 words I notice..
..now if you ‘do the reverse you might notice how those 3-4 words in English ‘for the sake of accuracy and taking into account intentionality can be translated sharply several ways (remembering the subtitles to the Mexican ‘Dont blame the kid movie...I know four different words in Spanish which can translate 'broadly' as fool but can't guarantee that an accurate translation wouldn't be say for the sake of cadence 'sharper'.).
Hence ‘what is different, what remains different in the ** languages are words towards certain attributes and what attributes apparently pertain to said groups (*racist words*,particularly)…=_= and btw your delighted giggling about using inflammatory nouns and adjectives do you really want to remain in a world so divisive, that you can find yourself in dangerous situations b/c the conviction that ‘you were never alone remains difficult to grasp?.
* 'whore' is perhaps the original intersectional insult—Melissa Grant
** `_` Okay here I say this at a risk/a voice in my mind saying I might be self-contradicting myself..maybe?..
All the more important to understand a person on an individual-by-individual basis, all the more important to understand a person as an individual..
nerd, loser and weird
Such words I cn s bng usd on me sooner than racially based ones. The reason is b/c the same ppl who would make racially based insults* would sooner ‘grab a rock closer by to throw at than try to have made an effort to understand what I identify as..
As seldom as it is, it is tiring when Im speculated to be South or West Asian even if I am a lighter skinned Hispanic mestizo** when my
* the same who are too apathetic to care about looking into a more specific word and what it entails (that a person x attributes etc)
**I think even when I have shaved lately..
The 'this can only result if you were on drugs or high response is becoming an annoyingly tired response and as crass as suggesting that someone who is upset and tempermental w/a problem ought to be more sexually active ‘as a cure all.
The 'this can only result if you were on drugs or high response is becoming an annoyingly tired response and as crass as suggesting that someone who is upset and tempermental w/a problem ought to be more sexually active ‘as a cure all.