Open to any replies: Diary of Polaris2088
Delighted to know about this venue within the forums. Can definitely understand if a moderator would message me after this to clarify things with me.
At the turn of last deacade I was naive enough to think that I would be rolling w/a crowd of 20-something technologists by the time I graduated community college. This was during the days when I was still hopeful about a science based career not being steadily and dangerously dismayed by the reality of holding onto jobs not too different from what you would have had as a teenager, 'being on a grind' in the face of so much ugly scarcity and screaming out loud to have your mental health acknowledged as valid in a world which is still so criminally irresponsible and stupid to play the 'apathetic self-deception' card within the parameters of kyriarchic addictions with it's aging, decay, stagnation et al if you don't 'win' some filthy popularity contests which can barely understand the thankless intellectual toil and exhaustion of what you learned and had to bare.
Yes this 'adulting' stuff is some b.s. and it makes perfect sense that 'woke' culture emerged* and it's going to make less sense how many of us are apparently going to become competent parents.
*The part of me which dares to say your a jacka-- if you dare disparage Glen Moriarty and still are on this site ;I
@Polaris2088
Now the s---ty pt. is realizing how* 'to be fair', is admitting how 'to be fair' the part btw "this was during.." and "had to bare" was happening in the 90's as well, when you were even less likely to 'have a voice/identity' on the internet
* and pondering about how many stagnated into mental un-wellness.
That the c--y components of the human experience happened *even in* a *decade like the 90's speaks volumes**. Literally, in that, in the sense that what change happened*** would have resulted in persons enjoying their positions in life so much, that they don't speak, that they don't really talk about it. What I'm aiming for****.
*'childhod favourite'
**about the nigh-immutableness of pain in the human experience
***'the good kind'
****Cue the 10-9-2k19 posting made around ~12:37 p.m. EST. here https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Polaris2088opentoreplies_209546/
Before 2:11 , so addicting for when your in a 'rush' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9kF11M3ZlU
The s--ty components of the human experience did exist in the 90's.
The s--ty components of the human experience did exist in the 90's and I live w/a seductive filtering bias which believes that the impression of warmth and affection, w/in the labor investment process* would always remain for me in spite of the incomprehensiblity of almost anything at that stage of autism
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u3yQa_zywTI
*that video was made a year-ish before I was born
Catholic confessional was a major influence on my ‘style of honesty.
I think that there is such a thing as nontheistic ‘faith, I find it difficult.
Notes/results of ‘revealing transference to a mental health service professional during the late summer or August of 2017
______
Attraction is not a problem--the problem is this in a functional therapeutic relationship.
Issue of attraction would make it (hard(?)) to keep it a [life(?)] functional therapeutic relationship.
different therapists reception different way (ex.[name])
Go back to [what] helped you w/the [issues(?)] in the past
cuestion de acceptacion, la lucha de cada uno es valido--simplemente por que fuiste torturado no significa que el pasado te forma quien es.
Communicacion humano es un sistema imperfecto--no [debia(?)/'should'] be distraught
Conflating sexuality w/power relations ~ assisted death
--talk to [name]--allowing relationships
'friendship' or romantic etc.
--clincalmente ineffectiva ver a [nombre] [*no es que*..siente incomodo]
~internalized gender role
Shame around sexuality or 'wanting' relationships, friendships or romantic
Hage cosas con [lugar]--talbez puedes reconnectar con algin quien es un OT
por assetiveness various mh experts would be able to work on that-- not only OT['s]
Self-assesment collatoral " " the expert clinical 'judgement'
assesment based on what others, experts say and other experts say and others see
how do I feel?
self-assesment
collatoral " "
therapuetic
clinical 'judgement' evidence based
observation
standardize
outcome
measures--
social skills
self-report
If a therapist relates when you feel validation, otra emociones pueden emerge, it's nothing you did wrong
Q's about having to get disclosure thoughts on relations
[name] would be 'biting off more than she can chew'--she'd like to do questions justice
Self-acceptance
Cognitive diffusion
Seperation of thoughts from self
@Polaris2088
..is it shameful that I can remember 'in my facial muscles' the expression, I made while trying to explain to..how I found them attractive.
Cognitive defusion..
Admitting to transference is much easier when you haven't reached the 'apodyopsis' phase: that was key.
She said she interpreted what you did as you trying to be brave.
Siendo valiente es un drag.
=____= AAaaahhh, shheeeeeeeeett. *This* is the sort of music you reserve for 'tender' moments like making out
'or beyond' despite the fearsome imagery..
The once and future art hermit.
What these decades have meant to me:..
the 90's: some might have called my use of it a 'waste of time'. I was barely...'functional' and what could be said about my checkered sense of awareness* is leaps and bounds dissimilar from what I am now..I definitely enjoyed it at times. Pains of evaluating reality, 'where I belong/my spot in the universe' and what exploration, however meager I pulled off and all. I was alive for 9/10 of it's years
the 00's: this is where things start getting s--y. The anxiety of *the first time* you reach a double digit age and the dangerous gaps that friendlessness can leave you in. Not that too many who even had friends always had the best ideas as to what to commit in terms of expectations and commit in terms of the 'practised pains' of meeting those expectations. Considering how this 'dangerous fluff' is all the more highlighted in the final two years before high school** it's all the more aggravating that it takes yet again another layer of hindsight (one it took me a fair amount of the **10's** to acheive >:( ) to learn that it was really an excuse to justify increased apathy.***The junk which happened while not in a public school board =_= >:I ..
the 10's: now things 'are making more sense'..increased embracement and legitimacy into the mental health support networks I can muster and the element of practising choice when it comes to school program and expectations. Much of the intrapersonal understanding I sought after in the 90's and much of the intrapersonal health I didn't know I needed to improve on during the 90's comes full circle. :D This website has been a pt. of that. No more thrall of pedagogy.**Functionally** anyhow.
[
<--when you finally notice the 'smiley' availability]
__
* the bane of human apathy, it's destructive inertia and accompanying partner 'self-deception' still existed in those days..but wasn't too relevant to me. I think that's one of the most important things I can 'take away' as far as 'hindsight lessons' from back then. Identifying the ingredients for the sensations of choicelessness and immutability.
** which contrary to what many espouse it as isn't where the immutable markings of the labour investment process before your thrown into the currents of scarcity, expectations with maybe a foggy notion of love to keep you alive kick in.
***Like in the movie 'Timeline' which highlights the dangers of ridiculing the past and ppl who lived in it for not having as much tech access, I do hope we are going beyond that increasingly unwieldy Positivist-philosophy tinged attitude/outlook to now realizing the dangers of ridiculing the past and ppl who lived in it for not having had as much of an understanding of kyriarchies and mental health. Frankly, we still s---k far too much at making materialism(s) which take subjectivity seriously and it's still fairly likely that the same b---d teachers who were uncaring or contributed to the struggles and harrassment some were reciepents to *in the 00's*, still only pay lip-service in spite of mental health awareness, diversity workshops etc and such increasing in the '10's..>:I in the '20's we can expect even more reaching 'retirement age' and not choosing to care anymore really than when their own self-satisfaction was achieved in in the last half or 1/3 of the last millenium's century, with a fair chance that it happened before reaching 219,000 hours of biological life.
Kurt Godel need not apply
One reason for a fondness for math might be b/c 'objectively speaking' it's as close to a 'voice which is always right' as your ever going to get to experience.
Comment section of https://www.cracked.com/pictofacts-1471-24-facepalm-inducing-facts-about-one-percenters/
October 9th, 2019 • 4:12 pm
The comments here are truly illuminating. The idea that it's attainable for all our even most Americans to earn $400,000/year is laughable. The average person works 2020 hours per year in a standard 40-hour week. Dividing 400,000 by 2020 yields an hourly rate of $198/hr. At best, that's a surgeon's or veteran psychiatrist's "wage". Both professions require a doctorate and years of additional medical training-how are most Americans going to afford that? Put it on the credit card? As for the small business, you need capital and few have the capital necessary to start and maintain such an enterprise. Simply put, people at the level of the 1% are making money from investments, not labor. Investments made with money from the family, money from an inheritance, and the assurance that they'll backstop you if you fail. Few have such a support system. Ask yourself: do your family members bust their a---s at work? At home? I bet some work way more than 40-hours. So, does someone like Zuck or Bezos work 100,000 times as hard? I doubt it."
___
>:I Now comes a pt. where I could rant about how many *interesting* fields of knowledge are left to hang b/c of the result of human apathy to do nearly anything but accumulate capital instead of say embracing the labour, enjoyable labour (ex.art) b/c far too many jacka--- still espouse deeply kyriarchic old power fantasies which wind up with overwhelmingly iressponsible judgement and 'judgy' power over what +7.3 billion wind up caring about.
This article about 'Gemini man':
and 'deepfake' or facial de-aging for Will Smith being precursors for potentially replacing actors makes me think how still have a Positivist rooted attitude of 'technology will always advance/pull through for us'* means that w/that one less 'creative type' escapes it through to not fatalistically becoming a 'working class' member. Sure, there is a fair chance that they would wind up becoming kyriachic [expletives] if they succeed but it's not so much about the guarantee that one makes it through and becomes the one who will end the destructive inertia of consumerism, apathy et al. It's about the probabilities, increased probabilities that one makes it through and becomes one less who will succumb to the destructive inertia of consumerism, apathy et al.
'_' See, how me hating risk is a common feeling?.
*fairly different than say holding environmentalism first and then saying that
*'The 'bunch' I graduated with from the high school I finally I finally graduated with were a good, mainly tolerable bunch. At least a handful of 'school spirit' reprentatives can be picked out, if I think about it--which makes the lack of #iamsjam on** Facebook from the turn of the decade alumni after the school finally closed this year after *nearly* 50 yrs, all the more baffling .
Admittedly this is a rather narrow view given how my embracing of social media doesn't really go beyond 'post-Facebook'.
*As resentful as I am to the whole labour investment/education process
**B/c yes, I am one of those persons at times.
If anyone, once anyone..reprimands me, chides me, judges me, disparages me, for not having moved out earlier after that fact that 'I had the resources' was verified and I'm asked ~" D:< WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO PAY THE BILLS!?. DIDN'T YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS WHO COULD SHOW YOU!?' therein lays another mean question..
When your p.o.'d by the novelty of finding ppl consider something you held
as important your whole life as important for them. The curses you feel like uttering
for how it wasn't 'found' outside of finality.
__
The dangers of friendlessness.
When your p.o.'d by the novelty of finding ppl consider[ing] something you held as important your whole life as [un]important for them. The curses you feel like uttering for how it wasn't 'found' outside of finality.