Personal Time

I deeply value my time alone and time off work (love my job most days). Today someone asked me to chair an aspect of a community event. I thought about it and said no because of the time being a chair would require. I let them know and all is fine. The point is that I had this discovery about myself due to that short interaction. i realized that sometimes when I’m asked to do things outside my schedule / routine, I bristle. And there is usually some negative feeling around the event anyway. Like, no, I don’t want to celebrate each holiday: Mother’s Day, my dad’s bday, Father’s Day and my birthday with my extended family. That is 3 or 4 events within a month. I don’t want that. It is too much. And forget presents and everything. Ugh. Now I’m not sure where my thoughts are going. At the start of writing this I felt so clear that finally I figured out that my family is not the source of my reticence to get together, that is actually that I truly enjoy my down time. Now, as I type it up, i can name 10 non-family events that I would gladly commit to that are not part of my routine. So, maybe I really don’t want to be with my family. That sucks. I don’t even know why. They are perfectly nice people. A bit irresponsible about money which is a big deal to me. If we don’t talk about money though why isn’t that OK? Wrapping this up now as my thoughts are starting to go in a few different spirals and that won’t be helpful. Thank you for listening.