Reaching Out is Hard
I noticed that I often reach out to online friends and such when I am upset, and yet when it comes to actual help, I second guess whether or not I've earned it.
I question everything I wish to ever talk about. When it's something that actually needs addressing, I still stay pretty quiet because it feels more risky to get help than it does to just keep living with the problem.
I do not believe this will ever change because I require an immense amount of reassurance to make a single step. Nobody that needs to reassure me would actually do that, and it is silly of me to expect them to go out of their own way for just me.
You know what else? Sometimes it can feel threatening to have anyone actually reach out under the wrong circumstances or in the wrong way. This is because I do not want any permanent changes in life that could make me regret ever speaking my mind.
Ain't no winning.
@BusyBird Hi BusyBird :) Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can tell you are having a really difficult internal battle about wanting connection and support, but wondering whether you deserve them or might end up being hurt. While that experience is common, it is incredibly painful and isolating. I commend you for taking this step to reach out to the forum and share what's on your heart. Take care of yourself <3
@MushLock Thank you! (: I hope anyone else can maybe at least feel less alone if they see this.