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BusyBird
3 21,862 M Aiming High
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts3,332 Forum posts277 Forum upvotes496 Current upvotes496 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2025
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Can't make up my mind!






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Numb
Journals & Diaries / by BusyBird
Last post
 3 hours ago
...See more I feel kind of numb... Like I can't properly react to much at the moment. Also, I can't enjoy anything or use willpower to make myself do productive tasks. I suspect they are all more or less related. My brain keeps torturing me with scary scenes. Tried to tell my boyfriend. Not like he can do much, I suppose... but I was feeling compelled to say something. I did tell him, and he told me, "Well, don't then." Not to be TMI, but I believe there is more I can add. So, he keeps tackling me now. I feel like I should be more bothered, but I can't. So I just watched the TV while he did and just tried not to be too rude in my mannerisms. Now every couple of minutes he jumps on me, goofs off, and then runs away. I don't get why he is doing that but I don't feel like I can match his energy. Was it rude of me to tell him what my brain is making me think about? He knows I used to experience this more as a teenager, and my mom often replied similar to how he just did (the "Well, don't think about it then," not the childish pouncing). I think I should be very hurt about it, but I'm numb. I'm trying to express hurt, but it's failing me.
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Food For Thought 🤔 (Overworked vs Underworked)
Journals & Diaries / by BusyBird
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more Most frequent complaint I see from people is that they work too much. Of course, this is a completely valid issue. All work and no play is a line for a reason. You need time to experience life. I keep watching videos about it. They're everywhere. Obviously the issue isn't just overworking, but it stands out to me as often a part of the issue for the general population in some countries. As someone who has experienced both overworking and abundant free-time, as these seem to take turns in my life, I believe there is a balance... somewhere in there. Overworking can burn you out so fast! Especially if the work isn't personally fulfilling to you. For me, I'd say it took between a few months to a couple of years to get burnt out. That's a very short time period. Of course, that isn't taking into account other things that were happening at the time, but still. Those times between busy months are filled with a lot of nothing. It may sound like luxury. People think I am incredibly lucky during those periods of reduced responsibility, but the grass is always greener, my friends. The sudden drop of high-intensity stress to having nothing to put my energy into after, for example, a semester ends at college, is actually very difficult. Even with the work I have to do at home, it's just a lot to come back from. And the worst part? Every time a semester ends, I require more and more time to come back from that. My classes start soon. I had maybe 3 months off this time for summer. It wasn't enough. I am now faced with the reality that even the "rest period" is not truly rest. You can have minimal work, or almost no work at all, and still feel like you're healing from some sort of mental injury. And in the modern West, it is no secret that other outlets humans once enjoyed to heal or grow as a person are just gone now. What are we supposed to do for fun? It's no wonder many of us resort to curling up in bed, doomscrolling, and online shopping when we are tired. Which is often. We are often tired. It's hard for me to even explain it without sounding spoiled. People hear it as "Boo hoo my life is hard because I don't have enough to do." Makes it very difficult to talk about without triggering someone, even though it is not inherently triggering as a topic. They see me and think my life is easy because I have any off-time at all and different responsibilities that they cannot relate to. People who understand it think I work really, really hard. People who don't understand it think I'm living life on easy mode and still managing to complain about it. ... And maybe there is a little truth to both of those assumptions. It is hard to understand what is right anymore, even about me. I think the burnout might be part of the reason. I feel there is a connection here but, as I type, I feel I am also losing my grip on the original topic. So, I am going to stop here. Do you guys relate to any of this? Do you see my points? And do you disagree or agree with me?
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Titles Are Hard (I'm Helpless and Incompetent)
Journals & Diaries / by BusyBird
Last post
 Monday
...See more I really think my problems would have been solved a decade ago if I was given a supportive family and access to professional help. Now I have neither, and the problems only stack. Will I ever snap or am I just going to rot away on the inside for the next 50+ years?
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Fighting happens easy, he just refuses to admit it.
Relationship Stress / by BusyBird
Last post
 August 7th
...See more I'm tired of getting into arguments just because I say something he disagrees with about myself. We just woke up and I was stressing because I have persistent heartburn every day, and it spiked up out of nowhere just now. He told me about his aches and pains, and why he doesn't get help from a doctor... And then it turned into how I can't say my heartburn is a "health issue" (but he refused to explain why). And when I told him why I even consider it a health issue, he devolved into raising his voice. In the end it turned into him telling me he was feeling attacked. Now I'm upset again. I hate it here sometimes. I wasn't even attacking him, I was defending my right to confront a problem with my body. And he gets to cool off in peace after all that because I can't handle continuing the conversation. ------------------------- When it's not about things like that, it's often about my coping habits. I get snapped at all the time for a biting problem I've had since I was maybe a 4th grader (nail biting and similar habits). I won't go into detail about that because I know it's gross... But he often tells me I'm gross for it, and makes fun of me by making emphasized mouth noises, and sometimes also raises his voice when he thinks he heard me do literally anything with my mouth during a stretch of silence. And I tried to tell him that that doesn't help me with the habits at all, but he insists that it actually does somehow help. So he refuses to stop. If I tell him it only contributes by triggering more stress, he argues harder. ------------------------- Later on he will tell me that we haven't fought in years, and that our relationship is doing so good. It just seems like a silly lie, but why would he lie about something so easy to debunk? Anyway, he's quickly back to behaving calmly around me. He says he wants to make some tea or coffee for us soon. I'm just patiently waiting for him to stop his gaming first so I can get my morning drink in peace.
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Not Worthy!!!!
Self-Esteem / by BusyBird
Last post
 August 1st
...See more What if I'm not worthy of being taken seriously? Or not worthy of being respected and viewed as an equal? How do I fix it? How do I make myself more worthy in their eyes?
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Reincarnation? Rescue?
Journals & Diaries / by BusyBird
Last post
 August 6th
...See more I'm just sitting here as it slowly gets closer to 3 in the morning. I keep thinking how much I wish I could be reincarnated and start over. I don't even want to finish my life. I want a new one somewhere else. I want a better life with a better me surrounded by better people. But if I can't have that, then I keep wishing I were to be rescued from... whatever it is exactly that is wrong with me or my life. The problem is I am resistant to help because I am too afraid of the consequences. So, wanting to just be done with this life seems more promising. But man... if I could just be somewhere else, be a better version of me, and actually be saved by someone that doesn't just have some sort of hero complex. That would be a dream. There's no way I can save myself alone. My boyfriend will never see this post, and yet I already feel him rolling his eyes.
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Am I Crazy?
Relationship Stress / by BusyBird
Last post
 August 3rd
...See more So I already posted today about events but I am being kept awake by some of the memories so here I am again. It's now almost 2:30 AM. My boyfriend called his other girlfriend while she was on lunch. One of the first things he did while I was trying to mind my own business is stand right beside me with the phone on speakerphone, tell her I have been complaining (which I was not), and then silently watched my reaction as she said, "Nobody is listening to her anyway." So I'm finally alone now that they are asleep, and I'm hurting from that (plus some other things that happened but I mentioned those in a different post). I'm finally processing it all. Am I crazy for starting to think he did that on purpose?
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Ah, another flaw...
Journals & Diaries / by BusyBird
Last post
 August 6th
...See more So I've come to realize I have this quirk where I vent on 7Cups about my relationship, and then I start feeling guilty about it so I flag my own posts to get them removed. I don't know if it's better to just let them stay up or to stop using 7Cups entirely for my problems, even though that is why I came here to begin with. I was going to treat myself with something nice, but now I don't feel like I deserve it.
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