I feel hopeless and scared that someone is trying to use me as a supply

I have been learning Mathematics all alone, before that learned programming with little to no help. It has been emotionally taxing and scarring, I even burned out once, having to leave the career I worked for 20 years. After the burnout I realized I may not ever get the chance to learn Math ever again, so started to listen to my heart. Doing Math alone has been so hard. Learning Math problems are emotionally taxing, the uncertainty when it will get solved, the effort of solving the problems takes a lot of energy, then there's the constant, insidious self doubt resulting from childhood abuse. My family always told me I was stupid so I often feel like I am not worthy of Math, and this voice doesn't help while I am still a beginner with no one around to tell me if I am doing a good job or not. It doesn't help to have chronic daunting physical, mental health issues with financial problems. Above all of them, I have been living in our rural home after the burnout and people has been cruelly ignorant. They treat me like I am beneath them because I'm not married as a 29 year old female. Every time they ask why I don't marry, my parents would die, my body is deteriorating, girls cannot marry late like guys, I feel like teleporting to a university where I don't have to live with these imbeciles. I have been feeling and still feel so lonely and emotionally hungry for support from other people.

So I joined this online study group a few months ago, and there was a guy who had some university experience in Math, he had a minor. I asked why he is self studying, what's the end goal. He said, "No end goal, just for fun". He already has a stable job, so I feel like he's just using the study group to meet his emotional needs. I had a bad feeling about him, if he needs friendship, why not outright tell it to other people? Why hide it under the guise of Math and study groups? So as a beginner who is going through the above mentioned problems, I thought he'd support me in my struggles. I was an utter beginner of the chosen Math topic of that study group, so I often used to seek suggestion, help or sometimes emotional support from this guy. At first he was enthusiastic but after the first help, he started to withdraw and went so distant I felt ashamed of myself for seeking emotional needs met from him. I pulled together and pretty much completed the next steps all by myself.

Now tables have turned. I am doing a subject I'm passionate about and this guy is a total beginner. He feels so comfortable doing it with me because he can basically eat out of my passion. I will do it all by myself even if he didn't do anything, so he doesn't have to give me any support. Rather he is leaning on me, it also adds to my misery of being used that I am kind and thoughtful to the beginners, I know how it feels so don't want anyone to feel this way. I feel so gross. He is eating from me what he couldn't give me before despite him having more experience than me. He could've easily saved me from the pain I went through before, could've let me know that there are others who see you and are willing to be there for you just for the humanity. But I am feeling so scared now, what I earned with so much hard work is being eaten by the same person who could've made it so much easier for me. If he were empathetic before, I could've easily help him now. But it seems to me that all he intends to do is use other people as supplies. He doesn't want personal growth, just to run from whatever the hell he is running from. I feel hopeless about my place in the universe, feeling like whatever I earn with hard work, will be eaten by people who were not there for me when I needed them. I feel this way because my brother did the exact same thing to me, in a much larger, powerful scope since he is family and has always been a great influence in my life. My life has been a mess after my brother pulled off this horrible stunt.

Now I could leave the group and end this, but I have too much pressure in the family. This study group is my only hope for escaping from this horrendous prisoner situation. If I can complete the books, I may apply to a university and leave house. Now to complete the books, I need a study group and I haven't really found one better than this, the only reason I keep doing this is because the members in this group show up regularly while other groups do not.

But I feel so guilty for letting myself be used like this, I don't feel optimistic that communicating with this guy would help, because in the past he has been quite dismissive of my emotions. I feel guilty that I am not being able to protect myself, but feel like the alternative is even less hopeful. It's been tough couple of days, I have been in an anxiety attack, yesterday it left but I can't stop thinking about the fact that I am putting myself up for something that is not helpful for me in the long run. I know it's not true, but it feels like all my future relationships will be in the same manner, that people close to me will eat what I earn through hard work. Because I haven't experienced otherwise in my whole life, except for my parents who financially supported me as much as they could.

I don't know what to do, I know I will continue doing the study group but in a less heart involved manner, I don't feel friendly towards them anymore. But I can't stop thinking about what is happening with my life, that there is no one for me, and my hard work doesn't matter. This thought has been ever present since last night, I am feeling exhausted and hopeless.

Thank you for reading, dear kind listener.