Some Place for Me
I'm new on here. I just wanted a safe place to express what I'm going through, whenever. I tend to ramble on so some of these are gonna be quite long. I'm not used to opening up to people about my problems as it makes me feel like a burden and people are going through their own thing. I'm starting this in hopes that it gets easier to feel comfortable seeking help and not close myself off. Feel free to comment if you want I guess
Idk where else to say this so I might as well say it here.
Last night I went to a corporate mingle for my university's faculty to help students like myself get internships and jobs after graudation. It ended later than expected (around 10pm) and my dad was supposed to pick me up. I couldn't go to the usual place where he knows to pick me up as it was very late and the campus is known for being very unsafe for women at night. I tried giving him directions to where I was but he didn't follow them and I ended up having to walk around the campus by myself (as he told me to walk to him). While trying to find him the same car passed me twice, each time stopping nearby me. At this time, I started to panic cause it seemed like the car was following me and I got very upset cause my dad isn't known for prioritizing my safety. I called my friend had spoke to her on speaker while walking in hopes the car wouldnt come back. I ended up lashing out at him for what happened and said some pretty hurtful things to him which I deeply regret and I should have never have said them.
When I got home I literally burst into tears on the ground in front of my family due to the relief I felt cause I was so scared walking around the campus that late and the car that followed me. My family just stared at me and my mom told me to go to my room and calm down. My mom told me I was wrong for what I did to my dad and I apologized to both of them cause i did feel terrible about my actions and tried explaining to them how terrified I was but they didn't want to hear it. My mom said I should appreciate the fact that my dad even went to pick me up cause he didn't have to.
I know and accept that I was wrong for lashing out at my dad. I do struggle with regulating my emotions, especially my anger. I have been working I'm it for years on my own and haven't had an outburst like that since I was 13. But it's a bit hurtful that no one in my family saw how terrified I was and just completely ignored my mental break down. Sometimes I feel like a monster
@Cherry221
It is understandable that you were scared and freaked out by a car passing a few times and being scared for your safety. It is very infuriating when people seem to dismiss your concern.... as they perhaps never expect or worry about any bad thing happening.. some people do not get it until the worst happens.......Not sure what would be worse ............being afraid of something that might have been innocent passing you a couple times ....... or being naive and the worse does happen.
As far as your outbursts i would question why you were not taught to handle emotions better ... that would be on them.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for taking the time out to read my post and comment. I really appreciate you seeing things from my perspective. It makes my feelings feel validated even though my actions were wrong.
Gosh, that must have been a horrifying experience! Your fear and anger are justified in that moment of feeling like you are being chased. You did well getting on the phone with your friend to help calm yourself and also let the potential perpetrator to know that you are not completely alone.
When we are in that headspace, it is hard to control the emotions and you might express it to your close ones in a way that is a bit too forceful that you might regret later. Since this is not a regular occurrence and you did that out of panic, I hope your family understands.
Also, if you feel like you might feel better talking about this and receive supporting voice messages from others, you can check out Bubblic app. There are great listeners there and they are all anonymous.
From the way you describe the situation and the way you write, you seem like a genuine and reasonable person. Your feelings are valid and I hope you don’t have to face a situation where you have to fear for your life again!
My exams started today. At first it felt so weird being on campus again. I avoided all the places where I usually hang out. I just didn't want to be seen by people that I would know or that would know me. I wanted to be alone. It feels weird being around other people.
The exam went pretty well I think. I've been studying really hard for it and I believe I did my best.
I've been feeling so spaced out lately. Like my brain just gets so foggy and I don't think I can make a proper thought. I don't know why that has been happening. I was scared it was gonna happen to me in the exam but it didn't, and I'm super grateful for that. It gives me hope for the other upcoming exams.
I have my last exam in around 10 hours and I'm on the verge of tears. I've been studying really hard for this exam, the same way I've been studying for all my exams. I started doing past papers today to get a better feel of what's expected of me in the exam and I understand NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. It feels like there is such a big gap from what is given in class to what is needed on the exam. Normally I'd be able to use the past papers to gage what I need to brush up on or what topics in the course I'm weak at. But my oh so lovely lecturer decided to make all the questions connected to each other. So basically if you get the wrong answer in question 1 it rolls over into question 2 and so forth and also if you can't solve question 2, that's too bad cause you need it for question 4.
It's just so frustrating cause I know I studied really hard but it's nothing like what we did in class. I've been trying so hard not to cry cause crying isn't gonna solve my problem right now but I really feel like I need to. I was so happy too cause this was the first exam season where I felt confident that I passed my exams and did well and now this is happening for my last exam.
I'm just gonna cry for 10 minutes then get back to it, cause I really don't want to fail this course. I don't want to have to do it again. I think I'll feel better after crying
Sometimes I feel like I'm lost when it comes to relationships/interacting with people. Sometimes it feels so natural like I'm doing well and everything is going fine when I'm talking to my friends or family and then other times it feels like I have to rely on a script. I think about the appropriate response to the simplest of things and I feel like everyone around me can tell that I'm faking it. That idk what to say or do. I try not to get in my head about it but sometimes, I can't help it.
Sometimes I feel left behind by my peers when it comes to relationships and growing up. And idk how to fix that. I remember wishing when i was younger that there were set conversations. Like set responses to conversations. Ive kind of developed some of my own and thats what i use when idk what to say in a conversation or space out in a conversation. I just hate it when I get in my head about these things.
