Something to do
I guess I've returned. Nobody cares, of course, but that's okay. I deserve my isolation.
This will serve as an open thread of my thoughts. Anyone is welcome to respond just don't expect me to hold a conversation. I'm not only extremely bad at it but getting to know me will just let you down in the end so I won't be answering anyone unless asked a direct question. Even then, I may not answer.
I don't know how long I'll keep this thing going. I've had every other thread I've started deleted in the past for one reason or another. This time, I'll leave it here. I may abandon it in a couple days. It could still be going a year from now. I don't know. My future isn't exactly something I plan for anymore since I've been a complete waste from day 1.
Like the title says, I just need something to do while I can. It probably won't help but nothing can help me anyway. Especially when everything is collapsing around me. So this will be here until such time that I disappear again.
If I may, the word crying was not intended to be taken for tears, loud vocalizations was my intent. And I apologize if you posting in a public support forum was not intended to be responded to. And if you gave up, there is nothing I will do. If you want to fight back against your struggles, well I will be here. I'm not one to tell you life is fair. I won't tell you life is rainbows and bunnies. I have found in my struggles that there are great moments when I triumph! I have found purpose in my struggles against my brokenness. I found I like the struggle as it proves to all those around me I won't be beat, not by my issues and defiantly not by theirs. I subscribed to this thread and will respond to anything you would like me to talk about.
@RealityCzech I did say off the top that responses are welcome, but that doesn't make these a cry for attention. I would have kept this to my feed but the site took that away. This is my only option.
You may have the will to fight. That's good. Keep that. I don't anymore. I don't need or want help. I'm finished.
@RealityCzech I like that you are honest like so
I like your rose shield...
@GreenAndRedBoat It's not really mine, just something I chose. But thanks.
@Rilon
None of my profile pics are mine but I like chosing good art or photos...
@GreenAndRedBoat Okay, sorry. I'm maybe a little out of sorts thanks to a very irritating conversation earlier so I didn't meant to sound dismissive, sorry.
I came to choose it because it represents my twin nieces, who are gone from the world, but it represents them. I wanted to have two, one for each of the roses I laid on their grave, but they won't fit in the little circle. But yes, that's what they are. I know that's kind of sad, sorry.
@Rilon
It is sad and heart wrenchinching indeed...😔😔😔 (I am sorry I am used to using emojis...)
I saw your conversation, but maybe do not blame them, they have their own mental conditions...but you expressed your boundaries, they just did not understand given their mental conditions...
I would not feel good if someone was telling me "I was seeking attention" but they just did not know any better given their condition and it was upsetting for me too...
(This is not about me, but sharing things is identifying...Throughout the years I wrote many threads on 7cups and left unread and unnoticed until a very rare listener gathered friends around me...I put this in parentgesis since it is not about you and you can ignore it if it bothers you)
We do mostly chose roses for our lost ones...at least like this, they are still with you...
@GreenAndRedBoat Don't worry, emojis don't bother me. It's fine.
I'll be brutally honest, I don't care what sort of mental condition some claim to have, I'd really rather they not assume my intentions with this. That's like saying when someone is sitting at a bar, alone, but in public, they are therefore "asking" for someone to come up and talk to them. No one is asking for that. I laid out that responses are welcome. But that doesn't make this a cry for attention. I never asked for attention. They just assumed I did. And I won't tolerate that kind of attitude.
And that doesn't bother me either. You can share if you like. As I've said, responses are welcome. Just not ridiculous assumptions and someone deliberately looking for a fight, which is exactly what that was.
And I suppose they are with me, in a way. Thanks for your kind words.
One more for now. Don't come in here and think you can tell me what my thread is or isn't. You don't get to define that, nor assume my intentions.
@Rilon
I never did that, nor do I intend to do that...
@GreenAndRedBoat You didn't. This was meant for someone else. Sorry.
@Rilon it is alright...
@Rilon
I like their music alot, tryied to find the lyrics but was not successful...thank you for now I have new good music to enjoy...
I found you - you've been on my mind. I dont even know where to start tbh - I know you're a question mark right now and I hope that one day you return
I need to tell you that I'm sorry - for the way things went towards the end. There are so many different ways I could have and should have handled things - I understand that now. I am truly sorry Rilon
