Struggling, depressed and suicide thoughts

@Stephanie97 Hi Stephanie, I'm so very sorry you have been feeling so low<3 I know it feels absolutely dreadful right now and like there's no end in sight, but I promise and swear to you, it won't always feel this way<3 I've felt the same thing before and I know how dark of a place that is and how lonesome it is. Its very important to have others for support so I'm glad you joined the site<3 Is there anyone at all outside your family you trust that you can also talk to? I don't know if you've ever tried therapy, but that's another very good option and I think it may help a lot. Therapists can usually help more than the average person because they are professionals and they are also a unbiased party who you can be 1000 percent open with and not have to worry about judgement or any of it getting back to anyone. Nothing ever surprises them either because they have literally heard it all. That aside, I do know what Its like to have no friends, I've been through both and I know how awful it is<3 I know so many people can be close minded, but I promise not everyone in the world is. Like the mod you mentioned, she was likely being sincere when she said you werent awkward. Not everyone is bad. People will come into your life that will love and accept you for exactly who you are, you won't have to be anything for them. Those are the people who matter and they will be the people who stay. I know it may feel like you'll never meet those people, but you will. All of us have our stories, all of us have our demons, but those demons and insecurities do not define us, they give us power and strength. I'm a firm believer in everything happens for a reason, even if we don't always know that reason. The older I've gotten, the more I have seen that every single thing we do, big or small, its all connected. This even includes people we meet, whether they stay in our lives or not. It all has purpose and meaning, and its because all of that stuff happened EXACTLY the way it did that you are here right now typing that post and I'm here responding. I also think that the bad things we've endured, maybe we go through them because we will need that knowledge and experience at a later time. Maybe we went through those things so we can someday help someone else in the same position that we wouldn't have otherwise been there to help or could help. Maybe you'll save their life. You do have purpose in the world Stephanie, you DO matter, you ARE important, as we all are. I promise there will be light again, the sun always has to come out eventually. It never rains forever. If you need anything at all ever/ want to talk or be friends, I'm always here<3

Also please, please reach out to someone about how you are feeling. Not everyone is like the original doctor you first saw. Heres the places you may want to reach out to:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

www.suicide.org

https://suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

*hugs*

@Stephanie97 hi sorry to hear your struggling. I hate you feeling that your not coping with life generally and support from others. I see the two has come in hand which hasn't helped and even if it has it's still not getting you to wher you wanna be and I know that takes time but I understand why you want things to be better and you get a soloution or something what will help you to provide with the support you need for this. Not being alone and two having someone to go to and having people to talk to. It's finding the right way to go and there's nothing wrong with whatever struggles you face or might have when life is the real cause of this and that's not always about that it's you it's not you at all. Life had been a mess since we adapting to new measures or ways of living. You can teach life a thing or two. You got that in you lol. Right now I know your not seeing a way forward and coming here is a start and maybe something more then you think but the support can help us when we're in touch with others which is through other ways of communicating. You got your family and that's it. What is it you feel that your family gives you when your feeling this way? Are they there for you are they showing you kindness and respect or like a friend in need? I ask cuz it's not a soultion but looking at the bigger picture and asking the questions you want answers to wha can make you get there so if you don't have friends or anyone really close to you can you ask yourself what it is you what you want from a friend? What do you as a friend want them as a friend to give you and that's kind of the same questions I asked earlier about what you would like from family to give and help you with. I would think maybe it's a good idea to look at seeing a doctor again and see if they can help in controlling your emotions through to when things get too much so maybe a dairy writing things down can help and also asking yourself what it is you want. I know right now the lockdown is still going on and we're not allowed to socialise as much as we can but we can go out and stay in the social distancing method and that said you can have a look around and see if there's anything you like to do to up your self esteem or confidence in taking something up what you haven't done or your interested in cuz depending on where you live places are opening back up and if you like to be with others and have support through doing or talking maybe just listening can make you take a step in how you want to others to take you and what you want from them as well what you can. Maybe make a list and come up with ideas on what you want and where to get it from. I would suggest therapy is good. That can really with looking at ways, ideas or plans for the future to get where you wanna be and helpful techniques. Mindfulness is good with this sort thing. You can find on 7 cups mindfulness section. Hope that helps and get in touch again

@Stephanie97

Hi,

I wanted to share something that helped me and fast forward 5 months, now things are much better for me, and im getting the help and had a change of my living situation. My perception is better now too.😊

When she might have won if she'd stuck it out. Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -You may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man; Often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup, and she learned too late, when the night slipped down, how close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out -The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, and you never can tell how close you are -it may be near when it seems afar; so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - it's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit!!!!

@Stephanie97 You definitely have things to look forward to. People with autism are very gifted and not a burden to anybody. My little sister has autism and she is literally the nicest person. The world would be a worse off place with out you Stephanie.

Here's a quote I read: the past is gone, the future is to far away to worry about. Live in the present.