"The difference between you and me." (cw for existentialism and implied -phobia i guess)
Reflecting on a personal relationship in my life...
You say you want to do everything right and be prepared financially with investments and contingency plans, just in case you ever become incapacitated.
I try to live life to the fullest and have as many fulfilling experiences as I can, even if others don't understand it, just in case I ever become incapacitated.
I've seen too much. I learned the hard way that you can do everything "right" and still lose the things that matter most for reasons no one can predict or control.
We are not the same.
You say people can't change who they are. We're all as God made us. We have to learn to live with what we have and make the most of it even if it's not what we wanted in life.
I say if there is a higher power, then they gave us the free will to exist freely, to problem solve, to evolve, to experiment. Why else would any of that even be an option if not for us to explore? Things don't have to be so rigid.
I wonder if it's because you've been told "no" too many times, or maybe it's because of the hand you've been dealt yourself, but instead of pushing back, you chose to become the enforcer.
What a shame.
There's things I wonder about but I don't feel like I can ask.
And yet...
You saw me do something kind of like that, not too long ago. You didn't know that's what it actually was underneath the surface, sure, but you were supportive and I saw something in your eyes. Genuine curiosity, or something more?
If I could break through and ask this without overstepping,
When will you start actually living for yourself?
@JackalopesExist
You highlight perfectly the different nuances within the relationship dynamic.
And it is important to not lose our sense of self within a relationship, be sure in the end it serves no purpose 🩵🤗
@Amanda84
I'm so late to respond to this, but thank you for the kind words <3
You're so right about not losing our sense of self. Fortunately this is about a person who is on a "casual friend" level of closeness, so for as much as I wish things were different I do have the option to be more detached and keep them at arms' length if it becomes too much. I won't get so tangled up that this becomes a concern.
It can be hard though because when I look at them, we have enough in common that I see what could have been a version of myself in some other lifetime. In both good and bad ways. And it just... makes me sad and a little frustrated when people stay stuck in one place where they don't seem content, whether it be physically or emotionally (it is both for this person - and they complain A LOT), and don't let themselves reach their potential or go out of their comfort zone to do the things that would actually make them feel fulfilled, even when there are paths right there in front of them that not everyone has access to.
Life gets better when you let yourself out of the artificial cage you put yourself in.
@JackalopesExist
I love those last words, absolutely, sometimes, the greatest thing holding us back us the limitations we put on ourselves and the weight of other people's opinions , and don't apologise re time length to reply, everyone has other things going on 💛🤗