The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself (Mark Twain)
I discovered a growth path today, and this quote on it hit me hard. It is finally time to write.
I’ve tried journaling here before. The fear of sharing too much and being found has caused me to delete several posts. But the need to write and be seen never goes away, so I’m hoping I can do it this time in a way I can feel comfortable sticking with.
I have delayed this for so long because I had no idea where to start. Thinking about it wore me out, so I’d close the browser. So much has happened and is happening constantly. The things trapped inside are eating me alive.
I decided I will start with fear. Because even just labeling it makes my heart ache and stomach lurch. My whole life has been built on a foundation of pain and fear. Nothing has ever been safe or stable for long. Despite constant depression, I always had hope, a kind of lighted path I could see if only I could get there. I’ve made change after change to chase that. And I am proud of what I’ve achieved in some ways. Though I’ve gotten farther and farther from real connection. I run between wanting relationships and avoiding them. I’m not sure if I can remember what it feels like or how to attach to someone. Now I find myself at an age I’d never imagined I would still be struggling. Still starting over, again. Still trying to figure out basics. Still trying to make a life. I never feared the future. I didn’t fear old age or what comes after. Now I fear living the rest of my life alone, without any adult companionship. There’s a harsh reality that there will be no community at my eventual funeral, no one to tell fond memories of my friendship. I have wonderful kids, but as any parent knows, you don’t get support from them. I have to be strong for them, alone. They love me fiercely, and I don’t know where I’d be without the unconditional love and purpose they give me. They are literally why I’m still here.
There’s fear for my future, but also fear of the present. I have been taking steps to get out and try again meeting new people. There has been more pain, and I don’t know how much more I can take from people on this journey. Advice givers say just to not let people hurt me, and I don’t understand why I can’t get there. It sounds so easy. In my angry moments I tell myself I don’t care what anyone thinks. But I do. I am sensitive to others, and I have strong convictions about how I should treat them and what a good relationship looks like. It is not a complex ideal, it seems logically like it should be natural to achieve. But over and over people surprise me with complication, because of their hyperfocus on what they want and lack of concern for what they might need to offer in return. You cannot make anyone care, compromise, or want to do anything. We can only control ourselves. I don’t want to change anyone, so I look for people that are already on the same page. I want to give to others, and common sense tells me that I cannot be the only person like this, so where are the people who will meet me halfway? I’m driving myself mad in confusion and despair.
My hope for this journal is to have a place to start sorting out my feelings about myself and socializing. I must rethink what it is I really need out of life, to start making a new path. This old trail is worn out, and the growing conditions are lacking.
Goals are going well so far. The biggest thing I think is that I have been much nicer to myself. Something happened a couple days ago, I can’t even remember, and I told myself I wasn’t going to let it this person make me feel bad about myself. I visualized keeping my own power. I told myself I’d do whatever I have to do to do the right thing for myself.
I’ve been doing little things in all areas. Exercise still needs a lot of work though. Maybe as my mental energy relaxes, I’ll start increasing my physical energy.
Some day I hope I can be more settled in my feelings. I struggle with never being sure if I’ve done the right thing. I remind myself often that I’ve tried my best, but it doesn’t seem to help.
For example, it’s been decades since I’ve talked to my family, and there’s relief from all that fear and stress, but still to this day I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. I don’t know if it was right to leave my kids father. Again, I’m so glad to be out of that situation, and I know if I were still there I would still be going through the same things not growing or learning. It had to happen, but now that this second marriage failed I wonder why didn’t I just stay in the first if life wasn’t going to get better anyway, at least then my kids would have had one home. My last ex husband, I still can’t believe I’m divorced at all yet alone twice. He did so much to me, but I still miss things about him. After something happened, he’d lovebomb and at times it was the greatest feeling in the world. I’d really feel loved. I know it was a trauma bond. My kids had one with him too. They miss him too. Knowledge of what was wrong doesn’t make the feelings and confusion go away. He still says he loves me. I don’t understand. I can’t think about it too much, my mind stops me, I am numb.
It’s unbelievable for me to understand how much I have messed up my life. I never imagined in my wildest dreams it would be like this. I am feeling my age and my own mortality. It hits the hardest in the morning and isn’t a good way to start the day. I’m trying to work on that.
I feel ashamed before God. All my life I felt called to be a wife and mother. I haven’t cared too much about anything else. I think I have the qualities to make someone happy. I had a hard enough time considering remarriage once, I can’t do it again. Clearly I am not good in relationships. Still, it is hard to imagine growing old alone. I saw some sweet elderly couples yesterday on an outing together. I’m going to have a hard time when all my kids have grown and left the house.
I don’t know if any of these things are true, but I believe them. I want to say something good about myself. I think I am a good mother. I think I was a good wife. I am caring. I am intelligent. I am dedicated and hard working. I have tried to do right as best I can.
My mind went blank, seems like a good place to stop.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Our best doesn't always seem enough, because most of the time that "best" doesn't match the expectations we have of it.. expectations that are often shaped by what others have set for us. Would we hold others to that same level of "best"? Especially the people we love? Probably not. There's always a pass, a layer of understanding and compassion involved when it comes to them.
I think there may never be a clear or assured answer about whether the choices we've made in life were for the better, especially when it comes to choices involving people. Distance has a way of reminding us of only the good or only the bad in someone. Would things have been better? Would they have been worse? Who knows. But maybe, as people, life is sometimes about how strongly we can stand by our own steps and our own actions when they concern our well being.
Having a forever home isn't always a good thing if that home feels like something you want to escape from now and then.. when being away feels like a breath of fresh air. Breaking free from the comfort of familiarity can be one of the hardest things we do, especially when that familiarity isn't healthy, just a repeated pattern we've grown used to.
What's gone hurts because we can't change it, and because we always look at it from the perspective of the present, where we've lived through it all, and where we're now wiser to what unfolded.
Maybe your calling is to be caring, loving, and nurturing, which you already are. Titles or no titles don't give or take away who you are. Your heart is true to itself and so are you. It's good to think about the future, but not so much that the fear of it keeps you from living. Why hold so tightly to the thoughts that say, "You won't ever", "you can't", "it's too late" but not hold just as tightly to the ones that say, "You will", "You can", "it's never too Latte (☕)"?
You still see the light within yourself, even while surrounded by so much darkness. Doesn't that tell you something about your beautiful heart and the strength it holds?
It’s been months since I’ve journaled. I’ve thought about writing so many times. I have so many thoughts and feelings going on, but when it comes down to it I don’t know what to say. I almost don’t even want to open the box. I used to love writing and talking about my feelings. Now, it feels like there’s nothing I can do about them, the reminder of them itself makes a knot in my stomach, so I try not to even think about them.
Maybe it being the last day of the old year, I feel like something should be said. I don’t want to rush time or focus too much on the negative. 2025 has had many good moments. But oh my how many painful ones. And life itself up to this point has been painful enough. But 2025, it was like everything I tried to do for good ended up in so much damage to myself.
I am really struggling to be vulnerable at all now. I think time will help, but please God allow me time to heal without anything else new happening. I need to find hope again, real joy, and excitement for life. I do have those things when I am with my kids, but they are getting older and are not with me all the time. I know soon they will be leading their own lives, and I do not have any social structure without them. I have a hard time envisioning what my life will look like. I’m trying not to worry too much about it now. Trying to take steps to make it better. I get nervous when I keep failing.
There are a couple people I’ve started getting to know better. I actually ended up getting kind of close with my husbands mother. She was someone I could talk to about him a little without judgment, because she knew how he was. I feel she loves me. But everyone has their things. I certainly don’t expect anyone to be perfect and can handle fine a lot of things most people would get irritable or angry with. Which is probably why she likes me so much. But if I sense that someone is upset with me or blames me for something, I have a hard time not letting it bother me. She lost her mother, who I was also very fond of. We visited her together on (what we didn’t know at the time was) her last evening. At one point after a couple hours, it was getting late and my MIL said she was getting tired. I had my kids with me to visit, and I agreed that I should probably get the kids home as well. It was a very nice visit. But as I said it ended up being the last. There have been a couple times I’ve talked with MIL, where she has talked about guilt at the times their relationship was difficult. She has said that she wishes she had spent more time that last evening, but that we were in such a rush because of the kids. This broke my heart in a way I can’t explain. To have someone I care for, and that I think cares for me, blame me and my kids for not being able to spend more time with her mother in hospice. I was only agreeing with her at the time so she wouldn’t feel bad about being the one to mention leaving. I don’t know what to do with these feelings. She has mentioned this directly and indirectly several times. Like I think she must want me to feel bad, or it just feels better for her to put her guilt on someone else. But this was a couple years ago now, and she said it again right before Christmas. And I can feel myself wanting to pull away from her now and not continue to be vulnerable. I’m trying to fight the urge.
I don’t seem to be able to tolerate any little hits to my vulnerability. I can tell myself logically what I think is going on and why, but it doesn’t matter. If the end result is that someone feels I’ve hurt them in an irreparable way, I can’t handle it. I can’t seem to tell myself not to take it personally, or “f” them, or such things. I can’t get mad at someone hurting even when I know they’re trying to hurt me.
He also has a teenage daughter who liked me in the beginning, but ended up hating me because she was disrespectful to me once and he scolded her for it. It didn’t matter what I tried to do to repair or have good conversations. She’d ignore her dad for months because he was still married to me. 😞 I always felt like I was the reason they had a poor relationship. As much as I love my kids, I don’t want that for anyone. Any logical explanation only went so far to console me. I even know that at this point their whole family has created distance from her because she kept manipulating people out of money for drugs and things, but still she specifically hates me. I understand I wasn’t an ideal step mother because I didn’t have money to go shopping and do our nails and all the things she wanted to do. So it just got worse.
I don’t know why I’m getting into these details. They’re just examples of how I seem to get into everyone’s targets as the thing that has ruined their lives. I try to keep to myself, listen, be quiet, sweet, and helpful. But it doesn’t seem to matter. Using boundaries doesn’t seem to matter. That just makes people more angry. Is everyone like this?
I feel ok when I focus on myself. I like myself. But get me around people for a period of time, and I start to think badly of myself again. I don’t seem to have the strength it takes to have relationships.
God, please send me someone who will just love me and not use me as their punching bag. I just need a little kindness. Between this nonsense and the trauma in my past, has made me feel like an abandoned animal. I may need a lot of love, patience, and special conditions to be rehabilitated. I’m probably going to be hard to love, because I keep wanting to hide from everyone. I can only pray someone will think me worthwhile the effort.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I've read this post a number of times. It's been on my mind since you wrote it but I struggled to find the right words. I'm sorry she seems to be blaming you and your children for leaving. These are just my thoughts, as only she can know her reasoning behind what she's saying.
@mytwistedsoul Thank you so much for your words. I appreciate you a lot lot. ❤️
I think it might be a projection of guilt with the MIL. They had a difficult relationship in some ways. There was some childhood stress. They lived together at adults for a while at one point, and it became a caregiver situation, which I know comes with complicated feelings. Eventually she moved out because they were bickering all the time. She didn’t want to visit her. When we would put together a visit she’d always be the first to suggest leaving, and said she couldn’t tolerate much time. She’d say things like that she didn’t love her mom. (I’m not saying this with any judgment, because I have my own conflicting feelings about mine.) After she passed, especially as more time has gone by, she has started talking more and more about good memories and retracted the love thing. I think she has a lot of regrets. I understand all this. I don’t like the projection though, whether she really blames me or not. I think she knows it’s not my fault. I don’t blame myself directly because I remember how it happened clearly, but it bothers me if she really does think it’s my fault. I don’t like if someone is really feeling hurt by me. And I don’t know why she needs to keep telling me.
I have ended up creating some distance, boundaries in a way. Since I wrote this, she did something else that bothered me. I didn’t really talk to her about her son, until she would complain about him and ask me questions. She ended up telling him something I said. He already knew, so it wasn’t a huge deal in that way. I’ve never said things about people unless I was ok with it getting back to them. But she thought she was starting something dramatic and that bothered me. I think she’s trying to feel important. There’s also this sense I have that she likes having a kind of control over me. I don’t know how to explain that, it’s just something about telling me how to do things and taking credit for my successes, and putting down ideas I have. She’ll make plans for my future and not respect boundaries I have. Like if I say I don’t want to drink alcohol and give reasons, she’ll pour one and hand it to me anyway because she wants one. I still talk to her, but not as often, and am going to make it shorter and more surface level. I have decided as you said that if she brings up that last meeting again with an insinuation of fault, I will say something to the effect of reminding her that I was supporting her wanting to leave. I’m not afraid now if she wants to stop talking to me.
The daughter, yes he had a strained relationship with all his kids before he met me. He’s been married several times before me, and a lot of the way they were towards me was the same way they felt about other women. It’s like I know all this, but if someone says something’s my fault I feel I have a duty to take that seriously. Unfortunately my self esteem challenges make me hold onto things too much I think.
Your perspective really does help affirm the reality of these situations. I hope I will hold onto that and not let them pile on top of everything when I’m feeling low. Thank you friend. ❤️ How are you feeling lately?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I wonder how well she can read your body language, if she sees the weight of her words? Could she be looking for a reaction from you?
@mytwistedsoul We don’t live near each other, so most of what she says is over the phone. I wonder if she can tell my discomfort in my voice. Sometimes I’ll stutter and pause. I try to be fast in covering up my feelings, and I’ve always been that way, so she might not know. I have no idea if she purposely says most of the insulting things Not in person, like when bullies get bold on a computer where they don’t have to look at the person. I don’t think she means to hurt me, but I do think she means to give herself relief. I get this feeling like she has animosity toward me even though she says she loves me so much. Have you ever felt that from people? I don’t know how to explain it. Raw thoughts, I think she might see me as a back up plan to take care of her when she’s older, but that she might not really like my personality much at all. I tried to explain to her that I’m an introvert and she said I’d have to get over that. 😂
I actually understand when we’re conflicted and things sort of pop out. I’ve done it, felt bad, and made sure I didn’t do it again. I definitely don’t want to be another persons regular scapegoat though. I might’ve overlooked some things feeling good that someone liked me. 😣 I don’t love saying that out loud.
You asked if she could be looking for a reaction from me. I’m not sure. Why do people do that?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It's probably a good thing that there is that distance. It gives you a buffer. It's hard to say if she's picking up on your discomfort, it's certainly possible. Some people are really good at reading other's tones.
I just realized that I completely forgot to congratulate you on the bathroom remodel! That must have been such a wonderful task to work on! To see it from start to finish and know that you did the work is a wonderful accomplishment! :)
@mytwistedsoul You are the sweetest. 😭 You really take time and care in responding to everything a person has shared. And you remember things they’ve said. That’s very special.
It may sound bad, although I think you might understand what I’m saying more than most, that I think I prefer not living near family. I like to be able to pick and choose when and for how long I visit, and I’m not as good with surprise visits.
I’m sorry family has done this kind of stuff to you. I don’t think some people will ever own up to it because they know it sounds bad. It’s confusing because we want to believe them and think the best, but something just doesn’t feel right.
When you described what people do to get a reaction, it almost reminds me of what children do. For kids it’s a natural part of developing and becoming separate people from their parents. I think psychologically they’re supposed to test limits and see what they can control.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Thank you! I do try, I'm not always successful but I do try.
I don’t want to sound too negative or doom myself to failure. It needs to be said though that 2026 isn’t off to a great start so far for me.
Latest friendship attempt, she made the initiative to ask for my number and it felt very nice. Turns out the only people who are interested in me have other motives. Of course as usual she liked that I’m quiet and listened. She’d keep interrupting me as soon as I would actually start talking, assume she knew what I was going to say and finish my sentence incorrectly, and hardly let me get a word in edgewise when I’d try to bring it back. But she also saw me as someone agreeable, that she could tell to do something and I’d do it. I am that way to a degree, but people underestimate that I am also very comfortable saying no when I really don’t want to do something. That’s always when the trouble starts with those ones.
Someone else, I reached out to help them with their resume if they like, because they’d been complaining about hardship finding a job. I thought helping them could also be a way to spark a friendship. I guess I insulted them, because they decided not to respond to me.
I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. People seem to think I’m very nice and talk to me, they just don’t want to get to know me more for some reason, unless it’s way one sided. I don’t have too much problem making acquaintances. I’ve read some things about being a magnet for certain kinds of people. I try to put out a different vibe, but don’t seem to be very good at it.
On a different level, I don’t understand why my husband couldn’t tolerate listening to me. He just couldn’t muster up anything kind or loving to say. Whether it was about our relationship or something else, he thought it was best to tell me that after a few minutes I was going on too long. He’d tell me to focus on myself instead of talking to him. He couldn’t be bothered to put down his phone or game to give me his attention, even though I didn’t even talk a lot. He’d even pick up his phone and start texting someone in the middle of my sentence. Even something mundane like an intellectual conversation, he told me he wasn’t interested. I’ve shared before that he’d tell me to shut my mouth if I kept trying to appeal to him about something that hurt me. Then he ended up staying late multiple times talking about me to another woman alone, and he listened to her about her husband. Maybe that’s a silly thing to have been upset about, but it crossed an emotional intimacy line for me. I don’t know if I’m ever going to get over that. People thought he was cheating on me, so to prove them wrong he started talking to her more. Of course I found all that out later. He ended up talking badly about me to a lot of men as well, and I still don’t want to go to any local stores or restaurants. It’s a small town. Definitely doesn’t make it any easier to make a friend that lives near me. Everybody thinks he’s a god until they get to know him. He would tell me he didn’t understand why I was upset, even if I did get to explain.
I could tell myself all day long that logically or it’s just this persons problem or that persons problem and I shouldn’t take it personally. I’m trying to find better ways of dealing with it. But when this is all there is, either it really is me, or I’m just plain tired of trying. I get so hopeful and happy, cautiously optimistic, maybe I get my hopes up too much or maybe they can sense me holding back too much. I don’t know how I can be both at once, but maybe it’s one of those. I feel like it shouldn’t be this hard, that things should happen naturally for the most part. I do stutter a little until I get really comfortable with someone, and I think that annoys people. I don’t think I’m that bad of a person. There’s something I must be missing. I never thought I’d still be going through this at this age.
I also feel like I just complain about the same things all the time. I’m really tired of talking about people problems.
So much of behavior can be explained by the desire to avoid discomfort or pain. It is not necessarily what we want, but what we don’t want. People manipulate to get what they think they need to avoid uncomfortable feelings of emptiness. People try to control things and ones in their environment to ensure that they are comfortable. People hit first to make sure they stop the threat before it gets them. They exclude to make sure their needs don’t have to be shared. Some internalize and blame themselves when another won’t take responsibility to admit or fix their mistakes. They hide to stay away from people encroaching on their rights, or because they don’t have anything else to give.
Hurt comes in many forms: restricted freedom, dishonesty, physical and mental safety, diminishing words, loneliness, unequal weight, lack of encouragement and love, invisibility, overwhelm, and so many more.
What is the comfort in disconnecting? It is idea that there won’t be anything else to hurt you. You may have to deal with some difficulty, but it will be natural and not someone’s choice. The ramifications of being alone are also a choice. At least it gets to be your choice and not something thrust upon you, of which you have to constantly figure out what is the right thing to do.
I don't completely understand why I'm in so much pain all the time. I don't think I'm able to let go of the mistakes I've made. I try to tell myself that what's done is done, that I need to accept and move forward, that I did the best I could. These ideas do work at times, but it always comes back. Time helps me forget certain things. Honestly, I don't know if it's even time. It's time, combined with so many new things happening that my attention naturally just has to redirect to putting out the fires happening now. But there's this part of me that knows that every thing that's been done to me, every choice I've made, has led to where I am now. There are some good things about now, so I can't completely regret. But even the good things are different. I cannot help but wonder how people would be different or better off if I hadn't done this, that, and the other. It is fruitless, it leads to no good, and yet I cannot stop. I don't replay the scenarios so much, I just loathe myself in general for where I am today. It's so unhealthy. It's so miserable. I don't know how to get out of it.
I have officially started therapy again. How many years of therapy must a person have to make some progress? I am still afraid. I still make poor choices every single day. I am still confused about what's right and wrong. I can tell I don't think the way other people do. I don't know what to do with myself.
I think when I’ve been married, I took to heart the “become one flesh” part —- too much? I don’t know exactly what it’s supposed to mean. But I do think I lost myself somewhere, between that self-imposed choice and the other person who was all too willing to take everything I gave without return.
Even in my friendships, I’m more focused on feeling cared for by them, as if that relationship can prove I’m worth enough.
In my mind, I know I’m enough without other people’s acceptance. But I haven’t seemed to cross the barrier between knowing it and feeling it. I used to tell myself I didn’t mind being alone, but I think I did. I know for sure I’m more scared of it now than ever because of my age. I can feel that it didn’t just start in these older years.
I slept well last night for the first time in a while. I’m feeling alright today for the first time in a while. I was able to sit in the quiet this morning for the first time in years. Let’s remember who I really am. Let’s make it last.
I didn’t behave the way I was supposed to, so he discarded me like trash.
They said don’t be with someone like me.
He said I should’ve just done it.
I’ve ruined them.
It’s right there.
So close to the lie.
Maybe tomorrow.
I was notified I got issued a partial refund for the therapy I did not receive. 😂 I’m not going to argue it. I think I might be lucky to get that. They wanted to have me try again with a new therapist. Maybe I should’ve taken it. I understand why they want to do that. For now until I get my head straight, I’ll just take the partial refund. 😊
I’ve been a little calmer this week. There are a lot of things going on health and mental wise with me and my kids, I vented some to a friend here, but I’m doing better with them.
Speaking of which, I need to stop saying I have no friends. It’s not true. A friend across the world is just as valuable as one face to face. What if you had a friend who moved away and kept in touch with? It is the same. I focus too much on what is wrong and not enough on what is right. I’ve always tried to keep gratitude in mind, but I really do focus too much on what I can’t control.
It really hit me how harmful my self shame is. In the moment I think it’s going to fix me, like I’m taking over as parent punishing myself. But what it really does is make me tired, make me angry and sad, and cause me to act in other ways I don’t like. Then I end up with more things to feel shameful about. It makes me more impatient with my kids, gives me a shorter fuse when I’m driving, makes me see people through a lens prematurely.
I’m trying hard to remember to speak nicer to myself. I have to tell myself I can need things and desire extra things and there’s nothing wrong with that. Aren’t we all allowed to be the authors of our own lives? How could anyone have taught me that my life is to benefit them? This is my life! We only get one, I think.
I’m going to try to catch up on posts here soon of my friends and self work, and start being better about reaching out on other posts too.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Hey I've read through a few of your posts, i hope that was ok. I understand your struggle with the depression, and just wanted to offer an ear if you needed a friend to talk to.
S
@Irwendol Hey S! It was great to log on here and see a notification from you. I'm sorry I haven't been online recently. I get in moods sometimes where I get quiet and keep to myself. I've been spending a lot of time by myself at home. I am a little bit of an introvert, so I guess sometimes it is needed. I feel more recharged now and have started some home projects. I really want to get caught up with everyone here.
I've actually been thinking about starting a new thread soon. I've been feeling a little better recently, so I've been thinking of a fresh start with a more positive title to keep myself thinking positive. I'll tag you if I do.
How have you been?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Hey sorry for the late reply. I'm ok. Feeling a bit isolated and alone, but that's typical these days.. Lol I'm Keeping busy. How are you doing?
@Irwendol I'm sorry for another late reply too. Please don't apologize.. as you can see I haven't been around much myself. I'll never be upset with you taking time for yourself. 💛
I am sorry you've been feeling isolated and alone lately. I relate to that very much, whether I'm physically around people or not. Would you like to talk about what's got you feeling that way specifically?
I'm doing ok, thank you for asking! I sense that I'm entering a different stage of life. Part of it has to do with age I'm sure. Part is processing life experiences, failed relationships, and reflecting back from a bird's eye view. Maybe it's something like a mid-life crisis. I've had depression for as long as I can remember, but it's different now. I think after all this time I finally feel a secure foundation of my value in God's eyes. I don't feel completely worthless anymore. But I feel more and more detached from people. I'm very confused as to why I can't seem to find a decent relationship. I don't feel like I really fit anywhere, besides with my kids. But they're getting older, and I suppose I am feeling scared about what my future will look like. I've been lonely a very long time, and I get less and less hopeful that this will change. I don't think I'm a bad person. I don't think anyone else thinks I am either. But I only seem to find companions that look at me and see dollar signs or something else to be exploited. Some people end up not liking me because I won't go along with things they want me to do that I feel are wrong. I know there are nice people out there, but golly they're so hard to find off a computer.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hey hope all is well with you. I've been MIA lately due to a few medical procedures on my back and one surgery on my chest for an implant. (Sleep apnea implant)
But feeling better than before now. I'm actually getting a little sleep aside from the insomnia i deal with, and my back pain is dramatically less painful now. Thank God cause I've been dealing with back issues for 30 years .
I get where you're coming from about the loneliness and feeling disconnected. It's been 14 years since my last relationship. I was divorced in 2012, never found anyone that was worth the trouble of opening myself up to. Online dating is a dumpster fire for sure. I would love to talk about it in more detail, but not on a public forum. Not sure how to do that from here. But in any case, I'm glad you're seeing yourself in a positive light and learning your worth. That's a very big tool to use when fighting decision and loneliness.
@Irwendol Hey! Oh my goodness, you have quite a lot going on medically. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. Back and sleep issues both can be so debilitating.
I don't think there is a way for members to talk privately here. I have some online dating horror stories myself, I understand.
I hope you continue to heal and feel better!
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hey hope all is well with you. Definitely feeling better now. How are you doing? I wrote you a short note on Google docs.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/14gIdo76dhVWk8OpUiq0a4CIG8X1X-DVs78gZJacbgl4/edit?usp=drivesdk
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@Irwendol Hi, I'm doing alright thank you. I'm sorry, I don't open links that go off site. I know sometimes it can feel too vulnerable posting things on a page like this that anyone can see. I have deleted things after regretting posting too much, so I understand not wanting to. I'm sorry, I hope you can understand. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better.
