What do movies and music tell you about yourself?

This is a journal entry I made a few years ago. Like most people, I also received a few emotional blows over the course of my life. The last time I started writing about my feelings, trying to understand that moment of depression and get a better sense of who I am, what makes me tick. I noticed this strange relationship, some movie scene's made by cry EVERYTIME (even when I was enjoying life) and they seemed to have something incommon. This is just a journal entry, before you start reading I would like to warn you that there is no big revelation at the end of the story ;-).

Journal Entry 3: Emotional Pattern?

I noticed a weird pattern in what really emotionally affects me emotionally, mainly in movies (but I havent had the time to check out music). After my last post I took another look at the scene I shared with you (because I just came to mind). It was the dream scene from pride and prejudice, a movie I dont really like in general.

Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UUzOB_leX4 .

Like I said, its a short "dream" scene where one of the main character stands on top of a mountain looking into the void, all by herself. I felt a weird resemblance to my current situation. Locked in a dream thinking I was the king of the world. Weird fact (the song used is called Liz on top of the world).

The next thing i asked myself was… "What are your favourite movies". They are Vanilla Sky and Fight club. Vanilla sky is about a guy who is frozen and trapped in a dream. The final scene destroys me emotionally every time, especially when he says I wanna live a real life, I don't want to dream any longer… and the whole story is about a person trapped in a dream, inside his "frozen body". Again very comparable to my situation.

Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGuR4GOV5L0

Fight club is like I said (next to vanilla sky) my favourite movie. It you don't know the story, it's about a guy who has "Dissociative Identity Disorder. He created a personality do make him a better person but he loses control over this created personality. The scene that makes me cry is the final scene, where he shoots himself to get rid of his created personality that took over his life and then the pixies song "where is my mind begins.

Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PamLPnXk2ic

Then there is American Beauty, about a man in a midlife crisis trying to change his world around to satisfy all his dreams, be becomes egoistic, becomes cold to his family. The ending scene (where the main character dies) impacts because after his death he sees his life flashing by and really gets the value of what he actually had but didn't appreciate. You probably know the movie but let me quote his last words...

"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH_CfkNUC_g

Another of my favourite movies is Meet You Black, about "Death" taking a persons body and falls in love with someone but can't really feel love because he doesn't know emotion or empathy. In the end he gives the body he took back to the person it belonged to.

I never knew why there just this few scenes that emotionally destroyed me, I could even really feel the pain of the people in the movie while I can hardly relate to the pain of real people. I never though much about it. (edit: at that moment in my life I detached from life and felt very depressed, I was unable to attach myself to other people) I knew these where my favourite scenes and caused me to break every time I watched them. Some people even thought I had some kind of hypersensitivity disorder (while I feel like I'm having the opposite). I feels like the person locked up in me wanted me to wake up and be aware of my problem.

All of my favourite movies show are related to someone locked up emotionally. I wouldn't tell you this is this pattern didn't emerge in ALL of my favourite movie scenes.

The movies I talked about where my favourite movies ... Offcourse, there are other movies I like but only these really got to me on a very emotional level. I wouldn't say that movies like "life is beautiful" or "the green mile" don't affect be, it's just not the same. These five movie moments really emotionally wreck me. Im not sure why... maybe this means that my real self is still paying attention and didnt give up on me.

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I was just wondering if other people have seen similar patterns and if so... what does it mean to you?