What's the point? I don't know what to do

I just need to vent...

I am a musician, but a shy introvert.

I have had a rough couple of years which made me loose almost all my confidence. I never really believed much in myself or think I'm good enough so that's what I'm struggling with. I kinda lost whatever was left.

My partner hosts open mics for musicians and I'm happy for him. I've always struggled with myself trying to get out there and make music. But as I said, I'm a withdrawn introvert and I don't try actively to make friends cause why should I? I was never able to make good friends with anyone except my fiancée.

I like going out, have a drink and listen to music and support my partner.

But when I tell him I wanna go he says that I should save my money.

"What's the point of going if you're not gonna play and make friends?" He says. "You can just buy a six pack and drink that at home, it would be cheaper. "

He told me later he was being a dick saying that but I take it seriously.

I feel like he just confirms my thoughts like "What is the point?" I'm a people pleaser. And to hear him say this makes me wonder why I play music at all. Maybe I should just stop? I know I'm not good enough. This only confirms it, kind of.

I'm not a person who takes up "social space" cause I've been hurt before. So I told him I won't go out anymore, but it kinda feels like I'm preventing myself from doing what I want.

I don't want him mad, but just sitting at home is not gonna make me feel better. He's just worried about me spending money at the place so thats why I need to stay home.

I don't know what to do with myself...