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heavy weigh on chest

User Profile: LilyEleven
LilyEleven November 30th, 2017

My best friend and I sort of had a misunderstanding yesterday. The reason for it may look like it's not really a big deal but it is...for both of us. We both love music and she told me once that she does not like it when other people know what music does she listens to or who her 'idols' are. I know she's secretive about her interests in music. She does not like it when her 'idols' become famous including their songs. She loves music so much that she's planning to pursue it in college. Back to it, I know some of her fave singers and I am not sure if she is aware that I have clues to whose music does she listens to. I never talked about it with her because I know she'd get upset because like what I said, she does not like sharing her music and it is like her privacy and I respect that of course even though it kind of hurt. Yesterday, I played a song of one of her favorite singers (let's just give her a codename of Minty). Before I decided to do that, I had this very tiny expectation of what her reaction would be which is she might get upset or have any negative emotion and the rest is hope that she would react the other way around, positively. I've always wanted us to jam about songs that we are both interested in so I took the risk to see what would really happen if she gets to know that I am also listening to one of the songs of Minty. When I began singing it, there it was, I received that response which I really hoped wouldn't come out. We ended up shouting (not that loud) at each other, exchanging sides. We often talk that way, with a tone like we are having a fight but that is how we normally talk lol But yesterday was different because I felt something wrong was really going on, something was wrong. We might have still talked to each other after our concerned friends talked to each of us, but I know we are not yet good. It kept bugging me last night that I was not able to sleep early and do my thing because of what I am feeling in my chest so I sent her a message. I explained my side and said sorry. There is no reply yet. I don't know if she had already read and just ignored it or what. I am still trying to understand if I really did something wrong or I might just have made her feel like I invaded her music or her privacy because it just hurts so much. I felt like I was rejected like she was saying 'back off' but not in a direct way. I felt like I was just a somebody. I did not do it with a bad intention because I just want us to enjoy the same music considering that we became best of friends because we both play musical instruments. It makes me sad to see how her ex besty and her enjoy the same music but when it comes to me, we can't. I don't know what should I do. This heavy weigh on my chest is killing me.

1
User Profile: River
River September 9th, 2018

Heyaa! I know this is an super duper late reply. And its valid of you to want to jam music with your besti and to feel sad when she doesnt wanna share their music interests. Argument doesnt sound pretty and your guilt is understandable too given your situation. I hope things went good for you guys. *hugs* heart