Alternative journal

Well, I tried to ignore it but I feel like writing some thoughts down and I don't have enough energy today to write id down in my actual journal, so I'm opening this as an alternative for me to nor feel preassured to write it down in hand writing. This way I'll still get if off my chest. 

Today was a hard day. There are currently a lot of very, very important exams in fornt of me and I've already taken two of five. The first one was great and the second idk. At least nor terrible so I'm still hoping for the best. Additionally, I feel like there is now not enugh motivation left to try hard in the rest of my exams. And it scares me, because this is important for my future. 

However if I don't like doing sth, I'm usually not good in it if I try. Idk maybe thats an ADHD thing or I'm just tired of trying, idk what I'm saying. 

I generally don't know anything anymore. I can't name my feelings or my moods and the people around me are either super motivated and smart and that therefore makes me feel behind, or they are very confident that I will make it and I feel like I will disappoint them. 

Also my family is kinda in a bad place. There's a lot of agruing and fighting and feeling like you have to navigate very carefully or someone will be upset and yell at you. Even at me, who for once wasn't a part of this at all! But it's very difficult for one person especially to not project their emotions on everyone. That is so draining!

Yeah, and this is totally not topicrelated but I also feel like the future very scaring right now, so many expectations to fulfill and a big part of my life is actually ending. The end of an era. I'm not ready. AT ALL!

I just notice that now, because there was literally no time to deal with any of my emotions lately. No time. 

Maybe that was bad, idk. 

This will probably reach no one and I really just wanted to write all of that *** down, so it's fine. 

I'll go back to reading and feeling bad, because I'm not trying hard enough eventhough everyone else is. 

Well, maybe it was supposed to be like this from the start, I'm just weird and can't do things I don't want to. How am I supposed to live a life in this world then?