Chisastrawberry: Honesty Journal Honesty Diary 🍓

Okay so, update, my life is looking up in a lot of ways, but my financial situation is really stressing me out. I am super sad and anxious today, after a tough week of advocating for my dreams. I am starting to feel a little stupid because I feel like the dreams I have are manifesting in ways where people would think I was dumb for pursuing or silly or something.

i hate that. I just want to do the things that I am interested in and have a salary and start saving money. I dont care that my pay is over ten k lower than what my peers make. I honestly know that I think about it I have so much privilege because my dream job has the opportunity for a bonus of that ten k and really good benefits and 401k. Its based in manhattan. I also will have a work life balance. I will also be tutoring still so that is that a 10k again, and its untaxed. If i think abt it, they wld make less than me esp after taxes. And they would probably also not have a lot of time or feel passion with their job. Or be spending bc of mental health. Im happy. Its a good option. It feels so aligned. The other position I am excited about is the windfall one, and it has a higher range. I wonder what the offer wld be. I wonder if there would be a bonus. I am going to read company reviews and stuff. That wld make me feel better. I also am going to look at those short term housing options and start to see myself in nyc. If you cant tell i really want to be in nyc. Sf just feels so so far away from my friends and i really want to be in nyc rn. So I will be manifesting nyc. I am going to look at videos and get in mood. I feel happier after this post and am no longer crying. I also will read reviews of mc versus wdfall. Thank you universe and ty jounral ☺️👋🏾

i am actually so so so lonely. Jesus. I was the last person to text all my friends—ooh omg i ghosted one. Nvm im gonna go hit them up.

hehehe oops! I was about to say i need more friends that text daily or frequently bc i was so lonely. But lol *** i still need that. Gonna go reply to my friend and reach out to others and stuff.

but still. I want to be a daily texter. I think im gonna try get an online friend, at least until nyc 🥲

Okay Update above: I joined some reddit subreddits and requested to join a ***. Also i get to interview this week with starbucks! Yayy i can get a job to pay off credit card faster and save for the biggest move since college. Umm other random updates but y the planned parent hood in my hood so nice? Like dam ppl r dressed so niceee. And have perfect skin or great hair or look soo healthy. My god. Wait times suck tho still but its cute up in here with netflix and laptops and desks and everything. Kid me would have had a ball doing hw at that desk.

okay, now enough updates.

i came on here to talk about how i am so overwhelmed today. Like wut. Today is wild and there is nothing. i can do about it. Like huh. I have to wait to be seen for my appointment, I have to eat after. I have to prep for my interview after that. I have another interview after that. I feel like i have to take a back seat to my life and just let things happen to me today. I am not in control. Universe can you cut me some slack?

i am hoping for good news today. My love interest is dragging my heart over coals. Crying is good but i am tired of crying over them. I love them but crying over them is not good. They make me sad. We are at a stale mate. Space and time is needed but i get insecure. I didn’t read the msgs. I was afraid of ruining my morning. Its almost noon now so it should be okay. Things are up and down. that person isn’t in my life. After I respond one more time i should be done. I got my reassurance. I got my emotions out. I need to be done. I need to keep exposing myself to the messages. I just wont respond. I will use it as…emotional regulation training. I feel the best i have about us in while. I expressed my emotions about going no contact. That’s probably y. I expressed my self! I honored my emotions! Plus one dexterity for me i guess lol.