Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
“summer’s comings, i can’t take you to the beach with sleeves, have you thought about that?”
have i- have i thought about that? the *** mom? i-
she came back.
compared her ‘teenager depression’ to mine.
she has no idea how different we are.
i want to cry, i want to laugh cause this all is just so *** absurd, i want to scream, i so want to tell her everything that’s on my mind but i know i won’t, i wanna d*e, i- don’t *** know.
and most of all, i wanna take my little friend and use it again. which would be the worst mistake i could do, but.. literally, who cares. really fighting the urges rn.
and you know what’s *** up? the way she makes me feel bad for wanting to d*e. i don’t even know how or why- but i feel wrong about that too now. i don’t *** know.
big tw
and so what if i relapse? it doesn’t matter much anymore anyway. i’m already as *** up as i could. it won’t matter when i’m dead. even though my previous scars have almost healed, really close to being able to take off those sleeves, make mom happy, i don’t care about that. it genuinely does not matter. don’t give a *** about that. it doesn’t make me proud that i’ve stayed clean enough so they would heal. almost even guilty instead. man i don’t *** know.
not in a good headspace rn but honestly when am i ever
mom asked “what do you want me to do” i wanted to say “leave me tf alone” but ofc i didn’t
