Eva’s Crazy Mind

i have a lot of catching up to do in so many ways. 

come on words, where’d you go now?

~ s c e n a r i o s ~

lol it’s long.

okay uhh… yesterday, i did my mom a huge favour. she needed to get my brother to read a book for school but he absolutely refused. he’s in 2nd grade so obviously he’d much rather, yk, not. my mom wasn’t handling it the best either, felt like she was barely putting any effort into the situation. my brother came to my room, asking me if i want ice cream. i went to the kitchen with him, we took our ice creams and opened them. we sat down. then came my mom. she told my brother that he didn’t deserve to get the reward. made sense, okay. he told my brother to put the ice cream to a bowl, telling him he’d get it once he had finished reading 10 pages. she tried a little more to get him to read, didn’t succeed. she went out of the kitchen and i stepped in. i sat next to my brother. i put my ice cream to the bowl as well, and put them both in the freezer. i tried talking to him, he didn’t listen. then, i went to my room. i took a book with small text to show him the comparison. i showed him how much bigger his text was, and how many pictures he had compared to me. that almost worked. then i told him i’d show him something from my phone. something funny. i finally got him to come with me, the book in his hands. we sat on his bed, both having our books with us. i showed him a couple of funny photos to break that bad refusing mood he had. it worked. we made a deal that we’d read together if i showed him the photos. that’s how it went. we read for 45 minutes. that’s how long it took us. after we had finally finished, we took our ice creams and ate them. later that evening/night my mom came to thank me. 

i spent over 45 minutes of my free time voluntarily dealing with my brother, reading a book i didn’t even have to read. i did it because i saw how terrible my mom was at it. why am i the one who knows how to handle situations like this? god she has 3 children and i know how to parent them better then she does? you might think she would learn something, anything from me.. wrong. now, i can’t say i’m mad or disappointed or anything that i had to do it. no, i did my mom a favour, i got my brother to read a book so he wouldn’t fall too behind, it was my choice doing it and i don’t regret it. i’m glad i did it. now we get to the interesting part. 

today. this evening, i got exhausted. it’s like all okayness and energy was in the most literal way drained out of me. i did the dishes, brushed my teeth, went to lay on my bed. not to sleep, just to rest. chill. then, (she didn’t want my brother to hear) she sends me a message. “reading” she said. now i don’t know what other opinions are on this, but in my opinion, you don’t ask a *** favour to be repeated. i wasn’t supposed to do this at all in the first place, now you’re gonna force me to? i gave her no reaction. after a few minutes she came to my room. we had a small talk once again. she asked me why i didn’t do it again tonight. also, it was past 10pm. i said i didn’t want to anymore, it was too late. she then goes on about how i’m a terrible role model (recognise those words?) etc etc. she left eventually. i’m wondering now, was i wrong? should i have done it tonight too, despite the whole, you know, absolutely exhausted part? what an interesting woman she is, my mother. 

what did i do wrong this time?

brain: they don’t care anymore, leave it be

heart: maybe we’re just overthinking it, it might be just a coincidence, right? again..

tw 

i had an okay day today, somewhat at least, and then life’s like “hmm you were a little too okay today, let’s make you sick and *** throw up multiple times”

i’m warning you life, one day i’ll actually have enough 

woke up around 4am randomly and been up for an hour :’)