Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
about writing a note to the notes app explaining everything i was going through, how i’m sorry, a guide here, to this specific thread so they’d have all the answers, etc.
and the passwords for all my locked notes
mainly keeping my parents in mind.
so they wouldn’t have to ask “why”.
so they’d know.
and to my cups people, thanking them and sharing some things to remember me by (?)
@justmeeva
🥺
*hugs if okay…*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
oof you shouldn’t have had to read those :’) i’m sorry
*hugs*
@justmeeva
*hugs tight*
@LoveMyMoonflowers
*hugs you* thank you friend 🩷
@justmeeva
thank you for what…? :') i didn’t do anything.
@LoveMyMoonflowers
for the much needed hug. 🩷
@justmeeva
*keeps hugging you then* 🥺
@LoveMyMoonflowers
and for being ni, and for being my friend, and for being so “omg how is it possible”-y kind, and for caring about me, and for knowing how to comfort me, and for trying, and for being here, and for being in my life, and for being trustworthy, and for your sense of humor, and for understanding, and so many other things. thank you.
@justmeeva
thank you, so freaking much, too. 🥺 thank you for being you. eva friend always has this way with words 💙 the way you always have the kindest, sweetest, most genuine words for your friends. thank you. ni friend needed to hear this 💙
*really doesn’t know what to say* 🥺 it always amazes me how someone can be so caring? how… :') seriously, how… it’s amazing to me. i’m amazed by it, but i’m so grateful for it too. i’m grateful to have you in my life too, eva beanie, you have a vvvvvvvvvvvv special space in my heart and you always will have that space 💙 a space only *you* could fill in. 🥺💙 thank you for being you, too. :') thank you for giving me reasons to live. 💙 thank you for saving me, because you’ve saved me so many times. 💙 and i’m not just saying that i mean it :')
@LoveMyMoonflowers
yup, that’s the literally unreal kindness right there 🥺 those last words, they touched my heart in a really.. special way. especially those last words*. no matter what, i will not ever give up on you. it’s a promise, and i’m gonna keep it. i know our pov’s about your worth aren’t the same, but i’ll stand by what i see in you. always. self love, god even self acceptance, is hard, but maybe you can just try to believe you’re special and worthy to someone else. because you are. to me you are. 🩷
@justmeeva
“yup, that’s the literally unreal kindness right there 🥺 those last words, they touched my heart in a really.. special way. especially those last words*. no matter what, i will not ever give up on you. it’s a promise, and i’m gonna keep it. i know our pov’s about your worth aren’t the same, but i’ll stand by what i see in you. always. self love, god even self acceptance, is hard, but maybe you can just try to believe you’re special and worthy to someone else. because you are. to me you are.” ~ omigosh, now i’m seriously wondering how a hooman can be so freaking kind?! 😭 :') eva you’re one of the few people on this earth who remind me of the beauty in the world. :')
i don’t think anyone but *you* could have said those words i quoted above, so genuinely, so kindly, so sweetly. 💙 only you could have written that. 🥺💙
i agree with you eva beanie… you’re right. self love is hard. self acceptance is hard… it’s hard. it feels impossible. especially in those dark moments, the ones that feel comfy… the ones that feel familiar. being in the dark hurts, but the hurt and the pain is familiar, i think. 😞 in those moments… (they feel like years) it feels really *** impossible to love oneself doesn’t it?
but yeah, i agree with you, i think it’s a good start - a great start - to accept the fact that we *are* lovable and that we *are* loved by our friends, by those who care about us, by those we care about. 🥺💙 thank you for standing by me, eva beanie, thank you for believing in me, thank you so so much, for not giving up on me. i hope you know i’ll try my vvvv best to do the same for you, too. 🥺💙
@LoveMyMoonflowers
i should probably just make a collection of all the times you’ve been u n b e l i e v a b l y sweet so anytime you wanna say otherwise i can just pull it out and be like 👉📒🫵.
but yeah. i don’t know how i could ever.. not. stand by you. believe in you. not give up on you (this part confused me too dw). there’s just no other way 🤷🏼♀️
i should’ve probably added “tw”s to all of those lol. oh *** well.
not in crisis btw. or maybe just in my mind. but can’t do anything. won’t do anything. yet.
“i promise i’m gonna visit”
just falling, and falling, and falling.