I’m tired aaahhahh and single, help

I’m complicated to the point where even I struggle to understand myself, it’s annoying.

There are plenty of things about myself that bother me or that I just can’t explain to people who notice.

My eating habits for one, what do you mean, you don’t eat it because of the texture?? And it’s not even like one specific texture, it’s dozens of textures. If it even slightly feels wrong in my mouth, I will not eat it.

Another is dating, I am not built for dating but I am at the same time.

I’m bad at first dates, I don’t know how to be normal okay. Like, imo just be my normal weird yappy self man and if ur not into it then that’s ur problem. Like, no awkward convos please or I’m going home.

Also I’m not spending months messaging someone beforehand, I’ve got better sh-t to do. Plus, people can be whoever they want to be over text, you don’t 100% know em till u meet em.

I used to talk to multiple people at once, USED TO. Then I started mixing up sh-t and well. I’m currently single and alone so, yeah.

I’m a fantastic boyfriend though. I buy flowers, take you anywhere you wanna go. But I’m always down for a chill day at my or your place, or me and my ex used to just lounge around in a library.

I take time to learn your habits, learn your moods. I’m an attentive boyfriend alright, I’m good.

But I hide a lot of stuff. Now, I don’t lie. If anyone asks me a direct question I tell the truth or I don’t answer it, simple. But I have been through a lot and it changes peoples opinion of me.

They feel bad, pity. I don’t get that? I have a hard time with understanding some emotions alright. Pity is one of em. Like, sh-t happens, what can you do?

Also there’s the whole, ahh I’m depressed and a suspected adhd/autistic. Which can be a lot, I’m aware. The depression I usually keep to myself unless we be like, deeeep in. Like, I’ll gloss over the fact that I got it but idk? You learn how it affects me over time.

I do my best to not let it affect my relationships though. Just means you’ll get low contact from me for a day or two.

Then the suspected adhd/autism. Haaaa. See, I’m a perfectly functional human being alright but I have quirks. Many many many quirks.

They annoy me, so I expect them to annoy others too. I can make em less noticeable, like when I’m buzzing out of my skin alright, that requires you to not touch me but stay near by. Usually requires a good hoodie and a stim toy. Easy, simple.

Then there’s the fact that I’m easily distracted, I’ve been almost hit by far too many cars because of that. Also got a little lost a couple times too. Hold my hand. It’s grounding and enough to keep me a little more focused. Then you got the overstimulation and the non verbal periods. Then the obsessive ones, the list goes on okay.

So yeah, I’m a fantastic boyfriend. I’m attentive, loving, loyal, fun. But I’m a bad boyfriend. I’m weird in not so cute ways.

But Yeah anyway imo try sleeeep

Good night/morninggg